Hey ladies, I just got started with this baby gaga stuff after my sister in law told me how much support shes had through her pregnancy and now into motherhood. I've never had a group of women who have been able to relate to my pain of losing a child.
I guess ill start at the begining like everyone else did.
I was 20 years old when i found out i was pregnant, my doctor gave me a due date of December 31, 2003, and all i could think was oh wow a new years baby! how fantastic would that be! I was so excited to be pregnant, the babys dad and i were not in a serious relationship and in fact he denied the baby many times to many people. We were both very involved in a church by our homes and he was first to deny the baby to anyone who happened to hear i was pregnant. My pregnancy went fine, aside from the horrid morning sickness that plagued me for the first 3 months, other than that it was typical, until my 20 week ultrasound. The babys dad came with me, the first prenatal appointment he came to, the ultrasound tech seemed to be puzzled but wouldnt give me any information, she wouldnt even tell us what the baby was. She sent us on our way and a week later my ob called and toldme i needed to see a genetics counselor, having never been pregnant before, i had no idea what that was or what it was for. I eneded up spending about 8hours talking to her and another high risk doctor about the problem the baby had. A bone disease called skeletal dypasia, which basically meant her bones didn't form the way they were supposed to. It wasn't only that her bones didn't form, her rib cage left a huge gap from where it should be fused and allowed her lungs to take up the space that was there. Her bones were so brittle that her mere moving in the womb were causing them to break. She had little chance of survival and if she did survive, it would be a very hard road and life for her. My angel baby girl FaithRuthwas born when i was 22 weeks pregnant on August 28th 2003 I named her Faith becuase the hebrew meaning of Faith is "sure of whats to come". I donated her little body to Wayne State University school of medicine for medical research. My family wanted me to have a funeral and do all that but the only thing i could think was if the body of my child can help another mother not have to go through what i went through than thats what im going to do. If she is just one piece of a huge puzzle, i want her to be part of solving the problem.
I found out i was once again expecting in 2005 and by the grace of God alone i gave birth to a healthy perfect little boy named Alexander in october 2005.He is truly my miracle child..Its amazing that so much was wrong with her and nothing was with him.
I am now married to the man of my dreams, my high school sweetheart, and we are pregnant with a little girl due in march after 18 months of trying to get pregnant. I am so excited becuase so far all of her ultrasounds and tests have been normal. I still am a little nervous, especially since she is a girl, im so afraid something will go wrong. I just have to keep the faith and know that its in God's hands. An old friend once told me that my angel baby had so much love while she was here on earth that it was her time to go and she would love us with the same love we had for her. I feel blessed having lost my daughter, not that i am glad she is gone, i would much rather her be here, but i am blessed becuase now i truly realize how precious babies are, and how wonderful a privalige it is to be able to have them.
Another friend told me that ireally have something to tell people becuase most people only dream of angels and i gotto hold one in my arms, and some people don't believe in miracles buti know they exist and i get to hold it and kiss it every day, and soon there will be another miracle in our family to add to the wonderful story aboutmy babies!
Reading all of your stories has made me strong enough to post my own. I don't talk about it much as it was 7 years ago.
My then boyfriend (now hubby) and I had been together about 9 months. I was working a p/t temp job & a f/t seasonal job. I had been having bad cramps (I mean white knuckle cramps) for a week when I found out I was preggo on the first day of my new f/t job. I didn't have enough $ to get my BC that month & we were renting a room & living paycheck to paycheck. I made an appt to get checked out at the planned parenthood the following monday. Over the weekend (still working 2 jobs, mind you) my one boss convinced me to go to the ER because the cramps were getting worse. I called my bf & we went right in. After being rerouted to Labor & Delivery triage, they did bloodwork & a trans vag ultrasound - not pleasant. They couldn't see anything at first, then like six other doctors came in all at the same time while my crotch is open for all to see. Then the third doc found a spot that might have been the pregnancy, they said I was very early, like 4-5 weeks. I got to keep a copy of that u/s pic. Then they brought in a specialist who told me that in all likelihood I had an eptopic pregnancy & that there were only 2 options. Wait & see-which wasn't really feasible, I was in so much pain & honestly at the time we weren't ready for a baby- Or to have a D & E to rule out an eptopic pregnancy followed by two weeks of blood tests every other day to be sure my levels were going down. The doctors told me that if it was tubal that it could burst & kill me, and that they had 3 women in that weekend with burst tubes. None of them died, but still, that scared the crap out of me. My bf & I talked about it & decided to go with the D & E. I was told that I would be under anesthesia & wouldn't feel any pain, but that I would be awake. They wanted me to stay overnight, but I wanted to go home & sleep in my own bed. The next day was Sunday, Father's day, ironically, June 16, 2000. We came back the next day, the nurses calling us Mom & Dad, I wanted to bawl my eyes out. They can be so insensitive at times. They said he couldn't be with me, but a nurse wold be holding my hand throughout the whole thing if I needed her. What they don't tell you is that the anesthesia doesn't always work & I felt the whole thing. It was the most awful expreience of my whole life-even up to this day. They didn't even do the right procedure. They did a D & C instead of a D & E which I think is partly why it hurt so much. I cried the whole time & just about broke the nurses hand.
After it was over, they said I had to sleep for at least an hour & then they let my bf in. We went home & I had no complications. I also had no pain anymore. I did feel very empty & it took me a few years to get over the loss. (There was no eptopic pregnancy, only the one they took out of the uterus.) I initially didn't think that I wanted a baby & was devistated when after the procedure, I realized I wanted it very much.
I am lucky in that I was able to give birth to a healthy girl, my daughter Maya on Sept. 9, 2005. I had no issues with getting pregnant, once the time was right for us. I am now 19 weeks into my third pregnancy & am glad every time I feel the baby move. I am still not as attached as I probably should be, but I think it's because I don't think I will be until it is finally here. That's they way it was when I was preggo with Maya. You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Anyway, Thanks for reading this.
Quoting Mama Melis:
Hello baby_gaga family.........
Im sandra, mommy to 3 great boys andgirl twin angels. I recently joined late november. When i found this website it was for getting the prego tickers and when i was forced to be induced with my twins i was sooooooooooooooo upset and sad i decided to go online and take off everything that even showed i was prego or whatever and while i was doing that i clicked on the link for forums on this site not expecting to see a forum about mommies and daddies losing their children. I was taken back!!! Its was like i was didnt believe how many women lose their babies due to medical reasons or reasons unexplainable. It doesnt matter whether it was 6w or 36w it was a life growing inside of us. I was only 22w and i was sooo excited to be prego with the twins i couldnt stop talking about tying my tubes and burning them!!!!! I had a perfect family! But when the ob dropped that bomb on me, it was like a nightmare! i still dont want to believe that its happened! I didnt even know that i was prego until i was in my second trimester and that was because i went back to get my 6m depo shot and whataknow im prego! they sent me for an ultra asap because 2 yrs ago i had a molar pregnacy and i was at risk for the same this time. So when i went to the u/s apt the tech turned the screen away from me so i couldnt see and they she turned it around and said Sandra its Twins! I was sooo shocked i started to cry my eyes out! i couldnt believe this! i was 13w with them and had no idea! i hadnt gained much weight just 2 lbs from the first date i started to get depo. so i had routine apts which were good and i started to gain weight rather fast from there oni gained 18lbs by the time i was 22w. I was then admited for contractions which i think was because i went so long withot fluid in the dr office and then in the hospital. But i didnt think anything else... i figured....... hey its twins its more strain on my body and i hadnt had proper vitamins and stuff and i worked my ass off so maybe its just a lil of everything. No problem let them admit me and get the contractions to stop then go home back to my routine. But nope 3 days there and my contractions increased but i still hadnt dialated so i thought thats ok. Ive already had 3 children so i know what its like to be hospitalized and on bedrest thats what theyre going to tell me to do take it easy. But was i wrong! I got admited on a friday on sunday they did an u/s and the tech was taking really long and she didnt really talk to me but the only thing she asked me was if i was told they were fraternal. i said you know what i never thought to ask as long as they were healthy i didnt care. bout an hour later my ob comes and starts telling me that my twins have twin to twin transfusion syndrome, a rare syndrome that has something to do with the placentas. So i was confused i had no ideal what the hell he was talking about. he then told me that my baby "b" was not producing fluid in her sack and the bladder was not visible. but baby "a" had tooo much fluid around her which will make her heart work even harder. and then he proceded to tell me that its best that i get induced becausse i started to develope an infection and i developed extremely h b p. So i asked him what going to happen to my girls and he said since my contractions arent stopping nobody can do the inutero surgery to help them and that i actually started to dialate on top of that. I was sooo upset. ive justhad a couple of weeks of actually knowing theywere growing inside of me and felling them kick and move was spectactular and now to be told that thatscoming to an end was a nightmare!!!!! That tuesday i was put on pitoconand within hours i gave birth to my babies. my baby noelia passed 20 min after and jessica during labor with cord wrapped around her neck. that was the second delivery i refused an epi for because i wanted to know exactly what was going on. Its still a nightmare for me and is probably going to take forever to get over! But i look at the situation like this...... maybe God wanted them because they wouldve been to sick or beyond repair.Thats the only way i get tru the day to think like that because if i start to think that its my ob's fault for not being there and not doing anything for my babies no matter what gestation, it just builds hate!
I stillhave a long journey to the road to recovery. I understand it will take time and i just try to look and my 3 boys and be thankful everyday that im here and i have them. They sure do know how to put a smile on my face even when times are tough.
Anyways thanks for hearing my story.
Quoting Mama Melis:
I am Angie, i am 24 and i have a baby that is 18 months just about. She is my life, but i have just recently been dealing with being in and out of the hospital where they have constantly removed tumors out of me, in my bile duct and near my pancreas. i have had constant pancreatitis, and they think i may have a tumor on the actual pancreas, they have found several precancerous polyps and i am getting weaker and weaker and can hardly stay out the hospital. i am kinda hoping to live long enough for christie to know me, because i love her so much. that is my suffering, and i don't want to be her loss. it wouldnt even be her loss it would be mine.
Hi everyone. My name is Kristie and I am 22 years old.I got married Sept. 18th 2004 to my wonderful husband. About 5 months later he deployed to Iraq for a year. Before he left we tried to get pregnant, just in case he didint come home from Iraq, or something happened to him to make him unable to have children. I became pregnant about 2 months after trying. We picked out a girl name and a boy name before he left. we were so happy and excited to have conceived after only a couple months of trying. About 2 or 3 days after my husband deployed I was having a lot of cramping, and bleeding. I went to the hospital and they wouldnt even check me out, they just said that it was normal, but I was bleeding more than a normal period. Well I went home, and a couple hours later was having severe crapming,I was in so much pain, i was crying. i ended up miscarrying at home. It was so hard for me to go through that with out my husband. I was devastated to miscarry my baby. I was very upset that the hospiatl wouldn;t take me serious and check me out. I know they couldnt have stopped me from miscarrying, but they could have prevented me from having to pick my baby up out of the toilet. thats somehting I will never forget.
After that year my husband came home from Iraq, and I got pregnant within the 1st 2 weeks he was home! I now have a healthy 13 month old babygirl! I had a lot of complications having her, but she is here safe and healthy. i am also pregnant again with baby #2, we are excited but scared. i am 17 weeks today, and deathly scared. I am having a lot of complications with this pregnancy, and I dont want to lose this baby.
Quoting His Army Wifey:
HEY WELL MY NAME IS SANDRA AND I STAY HERE IN BAKERSFIELD CALIFORNIA IM 22 YEARS OLD AND IM A MOTHER TO A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL NAMED GENARO JESSE JR HE WAS BORN ASLEEP ON OCTOBER 25 2006 I WAS 38 WEEKS PREGNANT HE HAD HIS CORD AROUND HIS NECK!! WELL FIRST OF ALL IM SOOO SORRY FOR ALL OF YOU GURLS THAT LOST YOUR BABIES TOO IT WAS SOO HARD FOR ME BUT I HAD MY MAN AND MY MOM AND SIS BY MY SIDE IF IT WASNT FOR THEM I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD OF DONE!! I MISS JESSE EVERYDAY THAT GOES BY!! ILL NEVER FORGET MY SON!! HE WAS THE PERFECT BABY HE HAD MY NOSE HIS FATHERS HANDS AND BIG HEAD LOL A REAL CUTIE I DONT KNOW HOW IT ALL HAPPENED I NEVER KNEW NOTHIN ABOUT COUNTIN KICKS!! THEY NEVER PROVIDE ME WITH ANY INFO LIKE THAT BUT I CANT BLAME NOBODY!! I JUST GET REALLY MAD AND ASK MYSELF HOW COULDNT U KNOW THIS ?? BUT I CANT BLAME MYSELF I CANT BLAME GOD!! I CANT REALLY DO NOTHIN ABOUT IT!! AT FIRST!! I WAS SOOOO DESPERATE TO GET PREGNANT FAST AGAIN! WHY?? MAYBE I WAS TRYING TO REPLACE HIM!! BUT NAHHHHHHHH NOBODY CAN REPLACE UR LIL BOY!! ESPECIALLY UR FIRST BABY!! I HAD SOO MANY PLANS! I WAS SOOOOOOOO HAPPY AND ALL MY DREAMS CAME FALLIN DOWN!! MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY BABYS FATHER BECAME REALLY BAD TOO!! I FELT LIKE HE HATED ME !!!!AND MY MOM I FELT LIKE SHE WAS MAD AT ME TOO!! I FELT REALLY BAD!! IT WAS A HARD TIME FOR ME!!! MY ONLY GOOD HELP TO GET OVER ALL OF THIS !! WAS YOU!! LADIES ALL OF U MOTHERS OUT THERE THAT LOST YOUR BABIES I WOULD SEARCH ONLINE FOR ANSWERS AND OTHER MOTHERS THAT HAVE LOST THEIR BABIES AND HONESTLY I GOT THRU IT BY TALKIN TO THEM I SHARED MY STORY WITH THEM AND WE WERE ALL THERE FOR EACH OTHER AND I JUST WANNA THANK YOU ALL!! FOR SHARING YOUR STORIES AND YOUR PICTUES I KNOW ITS HARD BUT!! WE ALL HAVE EACH OTHER!! THANKS WELL IM PREGNANT AGAIN!!! IM 27 WEEKS !! AND SERIOUSLY IM SCARED!! I DONT WANNA BE I WANNA BE ABLE TO ENJOY MY PREGNANCY!! BUT I CANT!! IM SCARED THAT IT MIGHT HAPPENED AGAIN!! I JUST PRAY THAT EVERYTHING GOES WELL!! IM DUE IN MARCH!! ALMOST THERE!!
WELL THANKS FOR TAKIN THE TIME TO READ THIS!! TAKE CARE LADIES KEEP UR HEADS UP!! AND REMEMBER THAT OUT ANGELS ARE IN A BETTER PLACE AND WE WILL SEE THEM SOON!! MAY THEY ALL REST IN PEACE!! I LOVE U ALL!! BYE!!
" I AM A MOTHER"
I've loved my child right from the start, A feeling that's filled my entire heart. I went through the labor and suffered the pain, For many long hours with nothing to gain.
I've spent sleepless nights being awake, Though it's been a while my arms they still ache. I've sat and I've wondered of how he would grow, The love of my family that he'd come to know.
The sound of his voice as he learns to talk, Watching his steps as he tries to walk. I have a child that I really love so, I am his mother yet nobody knows.
I've spent all these months feeling him grow, I've lived through it all and have nothing to show. I don't get invited to chat with young mothers, Because I don't have a baby like all of the others.
I've got some stretch marks that I'd like to hide, but I don't have a pram with a baby inside. The people I've known for so many years, Avoid me now, which adds to my tears.
I don't know how long I'll be feeling like this, But one thing I know, my baby I miss. When Mother's day comes it will be very hard, I won't have any flowers, not even a card.
And just because he's not here with me, I still have a son I wish I could see. But one thing I know and this is for sure, I'll be his mother forevermore!
"DEDICATED 2 ALL OF US I DIDNT WRITE IT I FOUND IT ONLINE THANKS TO WHO EVER WROTE IT ITS BEAUTIFUL"
hello. my name is amber, i'm 31 from CT. I found out I was pregnant july 2005 and was very surprised. I had only been dating my boyfriend for about 2 months and here I am pregnant. We were both happy as this was going to be the first baby for both of us.
I had a great pregnancy, found out I was having a little girl, did everything I was suppose to. I had a very active baby, she was constantly on the move in me. I was also going for nonstress tests every week for the last 8 weeks and everything looked great. She was breeched so a c-section was scheduled.
On march 1, 2006 i went in for the section. i hadnt really noticed the baby moving the day before but i was so busy getting things ready and i was told i was 1 centimeter dilated a few days before this so i wasnt worried. as they hooked me up to the doppler they couldnt find the heartbeat. i started to panic. the nurse calmly said 'dont worry we'll get the ultrasound machine'. well it confirmed the worst, my precious daughter had died. i was given a choice of whether i wanted to have her naturally (she had turned and was feet first) or go with the c-section. i chose the c-section and i am glad i did. jaiden nereida rivera was born march 1, 2006 weighing 6lbs, 12oz and measuring 21 inches. she was an angel. i'm so glad i saw her, held her and had a naming ceremony with a chaplain who blessed her.
the next week was a nightmare of recovering from the section (which wasnt as bad as i thought), telling family and planning a memorial service. no one should have to leave the hospital after giving birth and go right to the funeral home to make arrangements. i had my daughtercremated and her ashes are always with me. i have to say hartford hospital was very supportive and kind during this whole experience. they gave me a box with the clothes she was dressed in, copy of her footprints and reading material dealing with loss all funded by an organization called the Angel Network.
an autopsy was done and there was nothing found......
i am now 34 weeks pregnant wtih another girl and excited. i am nervous but i know things are going to work out. i'm so sorry for all the mothers here who have lost babies. its nice to know there is a place to share your experiences and i wish i had heard about this site earlier......
Well, m here right? Introducing myself so we know to start it isn't going to be good. I have read through many posts already and my heart goes out to so many. In a way I feel bad because a lot of you suffered a lot more than I could imagine at this point. But here it goes.
I am Penne, 30 and in Cali. After trying for almost 6 months and following my hubby to Korea, I found out December 8th that we were expecting our 1st. I was so excited, it took so long to finally have our little one on the way and he was extatic. We told everyone right away. Before I had even found out my intital idea was to keep it quiet until I made it to 12 weeks, no need to get everyone's hopes up and make everyone happy. Well, we found out and I told everyone..I was scared even from the get go, I had implantation bleeding and cramping and I really thought from the start we were doomed. I ened up coming home to Cali after a month in Korea. I got here December 15th, 10 days later I lost my little baby...12 hours after we got the heartbeat and on Christmas.
I feel like I am getting better with each passing day. The Army is finally letting my hubby come home to spend some time with me after the m/c. I stopped bleeding 5 days later and haven't started back up. I've been terrified about it but so far my body feels like it is trying to get back to normal. I am just waiting to have a cycle so we can try again.
I am sorry for everyone elses loss.
My name is Allison. I'm 35 and live in New York, NY. My husband introduced me to baby gaga. He found the site when he was trying to get a ticker several months ago. We were not trying to conceive, but I learned on August 4th that I was pregnant. It was a scary time and we both felt mixed emotions at first. Ultimately, we were very happy. My pregnancy was extremely hard on my body. I was throwing up about once a day from about 8 weeks on. I also have 2 slightly herniated discs and a disc that presses on my left sciatic nerve. The sciatica got so bad at one point that I couldn't walk for 5 days. We were unable to do the nuchal translucency test, since the baby wouldn't move into the correct position. My quad screen came back positive for neural tube defects, so we had the amniocentesis. On November 20, we learned that we were having a healthy baby boy. We decided to name him Dashiell Tate.I began acunpuncture to help with the nausea and the back pain. It was working really well and I was feeling much better. On the morning of Christmas eve, I felt him move before we left for the airport. We flew to Orlando to see my sisters and niece. That afternoon, I started feeling funny. I had to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes or so, but it didn't hurt like a UTI would. Later in the day, my lower back started to bother me, but it was a slightly different ache than normal. My sister got home at 7:30 that night. She is a labor and delivery nurse. I asked her if I should call the doctor since I wasn't feeling him move and with all of the other symptoms. She said she thought it was probably fine. Since I was only 24 weeks & 4 days, I wouldn't necessarily be feeling him all of the time. Still, I was concerned, since I usually felt him twice a day at least. I woke up on Christmas morning. My back was feeling better, but I was still having to go to the bathroom a lot and still wasn't feeling him move. I called my doctor (reluctantly, since I didn't want to overreact). She said that it was probably fine, but to go to the hospital, just in case. My sister took me to the hopsital where she works - Winnie Palmer Hospital for Women and babies in Orlando. I was quickly brought into triage and asked to leave a urine sample. When I went to leave the sample, I realized I was bleeding. I panicked, ran to the nurses station and told them. They immediately sent a nurse in with a doppler. She couldn't find a heartbeat, but told me not to worry and went to get the ultrasound machine. As they were doing the ultrasound, I could tell by looking at their faces, especially my sister's, that he was gone. They told me that I would have to be induced and deliver him right away. I was lucky that from induction to delivery was only 5 hours and 44 minutes. The hospital staff was wonderful. My baby boy, Dashiell Tate was born at 11:44pm on Christmas, 2007. He was 1lb, 6oz and measured 12 1/4" long. We are awaiting the autopsy results, but the doctor suspects a cord accident. She said she had never seen a cord wrapped that tightly around a neck of that size baby. I'm really having to take things hour by hour at this point. I'm having a very hard time understanding how this could happen to a healthy child. I'm sure I'll never understand.Dash made me realize that I want to be a mom more than anything. I think we will probably try in the future, but as I'll be 36 in March, I feel that time is of the essence. By the same token, I think I need at least a few months to mourn the loss of my precious first child. I'm very thankful that I found this board and that so many of you have shared your stories. It really helps to know that my husband and I are not alone. I will keep all of your and your angels in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks to all of you for your support.
Hi. My names Crystal.
I had a miscariage last september at 4 weeks.
My boyfriend and I were at the hospital saturday night to sunday morning 7am.
I was bleeding and cramping.
I saw the doctor today, they took my blood.
They are going to see if my levels doubled and the baby is okay. Or if they went up a little and its not in my uterus....or if it went down and i had another miscarriage. I am 6 weeks and a couple days if i still am.
They are going to call me tomorrow, and i have an apt on weds.
I hope the baby is okay.
and Im sorry everyone has had loss, i know what it's like. And it makes me very sad.