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Dried up tata's 1 child; Hawaii 12088 posts
Aug 17th '09
Quoting stephaniewalters:
JessicaRabbitBNH 34 kids; Maryland 36955 posts
Aug 17th '09

I don't even have the words.
I'm so sorry.

Zoom Zoom Zoom! {MBRD} Due April 30 (boy); 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Bridgeport, California 27411 posts
Aug 18th '09

Allyn came home today.



The Police, Patriot Guard, Fire Dept, TSA and Airport Security were in attendance with the funeral honors detail team and Graley acting as Navy escort. Themedia was there. I bawled like a baby when he passed and couldn't handle talking to anyone most of the day. As Allyn passed by in the hands of the honor team, I wanted to run over. I wanted to run up to the hearse and tell the driver I was going too. I would have if Graley wasn't riding there. The police and funeral escort stopped traffic while we passed. There was a lot of dignity to it. I saw several pedestrians saluting with their hand over their heart while we passed. A few construction workers held their hard hats instead.



We finally got to the funeral home and the honor detail removed the casket from the hearse. I felt bad that we went through the front doors because there are very steep steps and they barely got him up the stairs. That happened to my team once. We followed into the viewing room and watched as the detail marched off and the director straightened the casket. I asked him to remove the retaining strap from the flag and he got kinda confused. I asked again and he removed it. When everyone else left Jessica and I unfolded the flag ends that were still folded under. I wanted to claw open the casket and shake him awake.



We left the funeral home and went to mom's apartment. I took a nap until it was time to go to the viewing.



I felt a horrible feeling of trepidation as we walked into the viewing room. I hesitated for a long time. When I finally did, the person in the casket looked so much like Allyn I very nearly shook him. Until I got up close enough to see him from the front.



They are not used to people dying overseas and staying in a viewable state. Ususally body parts are missing or deformed. In all of the funerals I provided honors for I only ever saw it once. They did not have the avaliable services to preserve him and retain his looks. His profile was accurate, but he looked kinda sunken in from the front. I only looked for a half second before I walked away. I wanted to leave. That wasn't my husband and I couldn't look at him.



Family came in to view and sat in the chairs.
I cried and wished people would just leave me alone.
I wanted to leave. I couldn't stand sitting there with that facade of my husband.



Mom came up to me a few minutes later and asked if I minded that they wanted to close the casket. I agreed and bawled as they did it because I knew that I would never see Allyn again. This was the last moment of our relationship, and I couldn't even touch him. Now was goodbye, and that was all. There is and was nothing else in the world at that moment than that man closing the casket and me crying. The last goodbye we said wasn't supposed to be final. He promised.



Everything else is just ceremony and platitudes.
I have loved Allyn easily and well without pretention.
He knew me and loved me anyway. We made a good life together.



He is gone.



Maybe someday I will be able to see through this, but right now all I know is that I couldn't imagine anything worse then what has already happened.



Goodbye my dear.
I'm so sorry.

♥Heather♥ 3 kids; 3 angel babies; Great Lakes, IL, United States 27363 posts
Aug 18th '09
Quoting stephaniewalters:
Aido'sMama Florida 9765 posts
Aug 18th '09
Quoting stephaniewalters:
Zoom Zoom Zoom! {MBRD} Due April 30 (boy); 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Bridgeport, California 27411 posts
Aug 28th '09

If anyone is following this, I've found out more. Something that has made me more angry than anything else could have.

My husband died of something else than what I thought it was. He died from a heart attack because of Coronary Artery Disease. NOT something that comes up and gets you suddenly. The problem is that he had JUST been to a cardiologist and a nureologist because he didn't feel quite right. THEY TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS FINE. Cleared him to deploy and gave him a diagnosis of phantom migranes.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HE WAS IN A CARDIOLOGIST'S OFFICE DAYS BEFORE HE DIED AND THEY DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING?

I'm not telling anyone yet until I get the official paperwork on it. No sense in upsetting anyone else yet.

I feel like I just found out again. I am so mad. Allyn did everything he could to make sure he was coming back to us and someone screwed up and he died instead. He did what he was supposed to do. You trust what doctors say. Especially specialists.

Zoom Zoom Zoom! {MBRD} Due April 30 (boy); 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Bridgeport, California 27411 posts
Aug 28th '09

I just want to cry and sleep. I can't scare my little girl, but how the hell am I supposed to deal with this? I was kinda sorta almost starting to be okay....

He did everything he was supposed to do...........................................................

♥Heather♥ 3 kids; 3 angel babies; Great Lakes, IL, United States 27363 posts
Aug 28th '09
Quoting stephaniewalters:
Mommy+1+.5♥ 2 kids; Minnesota 1231 posts
Aug 28th '09
Quoting stephaniewalters:
Zoom Zoom Zoom! {MBRD} Due April 30 (boy); 18 kids; 1 angel baby; Bridgeport, California 27411 posts
Aug 28th '09

Thank you

Dried up tata's 1 child; Hawaii 12088 posts
Aug 28th '09
Quoting stephaniewalters:
JessicaRabbitBNH 34 kids; Maryland 36955 posts
Aug 28th '09

My thoughts are with you still.




I'm so sorry even more troubles have been added to your situation

Waiting on Sunshine 81 kids; Tuvalu 12346 posts
Aug 29th '09
Quoting stephaniewalters: