I suffered a miscarriage a couple of weeks ago. Actually the reason I came on this site is to try to meet other people in similar situations or positions. I just really don't have a supportive group of people around me. I've always been close with my family but the closest one is 2,000 miles away. I just have one brother who lives in Chicago (I'm in LA) and he has talked me through some of this stuff but I don't think he understands, I mean he is a dedicated bachelor and can't imagine having a kid. I am the same way, I don't want kids at this time in my life, but that doesn't make it hurt less. I haven't even talked to my parents about it, even though I'm close with them, because they don't understand my relationship. My friends aren't unsupportive but I think they have trouble understanding what I'm going through. It doesn't help that most of them aren't fans of my boyfriend. And my boyfriend is a really good guy, it's just that he's unsure how he feels about kids. He seemed bothered by my loss but not really too upset. I know he was sad but also a bit relieved - which I was too, for sure. It's just hard. I am happy I'm not starting a family yet. I feel like I'm younger than I want to be when I start a family. But I'm still at a loss for how to even describe what I'm feeling. Sorry for ranting - it helps just to get this out. Thanks.
Quoting ~*BG ODB Kimmay*:
When I had my mc it was hard because I was 18 and none of my friends understood it. You really can't understand a miscarriage until you have one. This site is full of women with angel babies.
Welcome to baby gaga:)
sorry for your loss, with my second MC my stepmom was like "at least you have 1 child" yes i understand that but unlike her i didn't want just one child, i've had 4 MC if you need to talk
I'm sorry for your loss.
I think I understand pretty well though, I lost three so far and though they were all unplanned and at bad times, it still hurt.
Guys have a different way of expressing themselves, usually the saying is true - women become mothers once they get pregnant, and men aren't fathers until they see the child for the first time. Of course, if he didn't want a kid or wasn't ready for one (they usually aren't) he's going to be relieved. A child is a huge responsibility. Financially and emotionally.
i dont think ill ever get over the fact that the first thing i felt when i miscarried was relief. its so sad, and i dont think ill ever forgive myself for that, although things really did work out "for the best"
it really is a hard thing to go through, and i dont think anyone really gets over it but i guess it gets better with time, especially if you do start a family at some point. so are you thinking at any time in the future youll want to? just wondering....
Thanks so much for all the replies. I appreciate it. I don't mean to be a downer, these things have just been going through my head since the miscarriage (about 3 weeks ago now) and it helps so much to have a place to talk to people who understand! To answer your question, I do want a family at some point and I'd like one with my current boyfriend. He just has his doubts, he's a noncommittal type of guy and he's used to living on his own and he's basically lived the life of a bachelor for years so the idea of responsibility scares him. He says it's something he really wants and I see him interact with his nieces and nephews and I know he loves kids, he just doesn't feel like it's the right time yet. I totally understand that, I feel the same way, but it confuses me with him since he's older than me. Oh well, I know it will happen when it's right, that just doesn't stop me from being sad now. Anyway, thanks for the welcome.
Sorry for ur loss!! I mc at the age of 16...my boyfriend and I knew that we were to young at that time to have and support a family but it still hurted so I undastand where u are kuming from!! But wen u are ready to have a baby it will come!!!