Goodbye, My Angels. [..........] 64 kids; Iowa 1857 posts
Dec 30th '08

So, as many of you know, I had an "intuition" last night that something was off...something was not quite right. Well, that's to put it mildly.

I called my doc, and she referred me to the local hospital...she, too, said that it wouldn't hurt to get checked out if I feel like something is wrong. Worst case scenario, I'd be sent home with the peace of mind that I have an over-active brain. Too bad that wasn't the case.

I tried unsuccessfully to tell the on-call nurses and docs what I was feeling ... to no avail. However, I must have said something that struck a cord, as I had an ultrasound ordered last night.

It turns out that the babies haven't developed passed 8.5 weeks ... as you know, I should be 12.5 weeks along. What a crushing blow to my everything: my mind, body, heart, and soul.

I got a shot of methotrexate to "induce" the miscarriage of my angels around 11:30 PM. I was told that because I'm so far along, or supposed to be, that it may not dissolve everything completely, and I'll most likely need a d & c. I have to get my betas checked every other day ... and the wait began.

I went to work today, and obviously my mind was everywhere but on work. However, I am not someone to sit around to wait for the inevitable. By the time I left work, I was feeling this sharp pain in my back, and it worsened every time I inhaled. I called the doc, and they told me that it is a form of "contraction" that I'm feeling, and the miscarriage will begin within a few hours. It's been a couple hours since then, and I'm starting to get some God-awful cramps, and I've started spotting.

My worst nightmare has come true. I never, ever, in a million years thought I would ever "bury" another of my beautiful children, let alone two ... at one time. My heart aches, my mind is running.

Needless to say, I am emotionally and physically drained. Mike is holding up quite well ... although he is crushed, he is being my rock right now. In addition, I have a friend [she knows who she is] who has been unbelievably supportive. I haven't had a "girlfriend" as good as she is to me in many, many years.

♥Ashley♥ 3 kids; Texas 4390 posts
Dec 30th '08

I am sorry for your loss.

Smex! Due November 30 (girl); 5 kids; Chehalis, Washington 31994 posts
Dec 30th '08

i am so sorry for your loss mama!!!!!!
Keep your head up!!!

Yoo-Hoo Due September 19; 1 child; Snellville, GA, United States 1002 posts
Dec 30th '08
Quoting .:*ally*:.:
~Elise is Zach's Mom~ 33 kids; Hamilton, Ontario 729 posts
Dec 30th '08

I am so sorry you are going though this. (((Hugs)))

bridgettexoxo 1 child; Harvey, Louisiana 1873 posts
Dec 30th '08

so sorry for your lost

davions mommy 1 child; Louisville, Kentucky 794 posts
Dec 30th '08

Im so sorry be strong (*Hugs*)

[..........] 64 kids; Iowa 1857 posts
Dec 30th '08

Thank you ladies. I can't believe how supportive EVERYONE has been.

Alyssa ♥s Arion 1 child; Atlanta, Georgia 11139 posts
Dec 30th '08

Sorry for your loss... :(

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 20306 posts
Dec 30th '08

so sorry for your loss!!!!

Little G's Mama Due September 14; 2 kids; Pennsylvania 6165 posts
Dec 30th '08

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

OG;chubbiechubkinz TTA since Oct 2009; 15 kids; Roxboro, North Carolina 4606 posts
Dec 30th '08

I'm so sorry for your loss. You'll be in my thoughts, hun.

Damien & Wyatt's Mommy 2 kids; Junction City, Kansas 25956 posts
Dec 30th '08

I am so sorry to hear that here if you need to talk and im keeping you in my thoughts...

Sody's party of six 6 kids; Lancaster, Ohio 10094 posts
Dec 30th '08

My heart feels soo sad for you :(

Jada Kyleigh is here! 5 kids; Sevierville, Tennessee 744 posts
Dec 30th '08

I am so sorry for you loss! You will be in my prayers, stay strong.