Reply
Keeps breaking promise. Please read Jess081316 3 kids; Spokane Valley, WA, United States 889 posts
Jul 11th

So this is gonna be really long, but I am hoping you will take the time to read it and give some feedback. I would truly appreciate it more than you know. Because I really need some advice. Thank you so much. 

*Sorry had to post story in comments as it would not let me post here*

Jess081316 3 kids; Spokane Valley, WA, United States 889 posts
Jul 11th

Ok, so I will try and make this as short as I can but give as much back story as I can. I have been with my bf for a little over 7 years and we have 2 kids together (5, and 3), and then I also have a 10 year old from a previous relationship. Anyways my bf has had issues with alcohol basically our whole relationship. The first few years he would randomly come home and act tipsy (he does certain things where I KNOW when he has been drinking) or he would pass out and I would let it slide. Then it got to the point where I would bring it up and accuse him of having something to drink and he would get super defensive and yell and get mad etc. Then apologize the next day and tell me the truth. He has gone to a NFL football game and gotten kicked out (and u have to be pretty disorderly to do that) did not call me and his kids to say goodnight just texted saying it was too loud to hear but he was not drinking when in reality he was at the bar getting hammered. The next day he saw how upset I was he made a promise that he would be upfront with me about drinking. I dont have a problem with him drinking u know. U wanna have a beer after work go for it. U wanna have something with dinner whatever. Just dont sneak it and lie to me. Thats what the problem is and what bothers me. Is the lying. Just be upfront. Should be pretty simple promise to keep. He continued to break it not once...not twice but over and over for the next few years. Even got a DUI last year. He is an amazing father and works super hard for our family. And I understand he is not getting hammered every night its usually only sneaking one or two beers. Maybe that does not make him an alcoholic (which is what his dad died from) but its the dishonesty and the breaking the promise that kills me. He will get a beer and throw away the receipt, or hide the cans in the garage. One time he even gave me the lame excuse of the cashier must have rang up somebody elses groceries when I asked why there was a hard alcohol on the receipt but it wasnt in the bag. Last night he came home from the store and his eyes were all red and he was acting weird and I asked if he had anything to drink and he told me no he swore. And then when he was in the shower I looked in the garbage and he must have forgot to throw away the receipt because there it was with two bud lights on it. He knows our promise and how it would hurt me and yet he is so comfortable with lying to my face and then acting like nothing. It just kills me. Idk what to do anymore. Maybe I am overreating. I just dont see how if I cant trust him to keep this simple promise to me that hes broken over and over for years how can I ever trust him for anything. Every time he goes to the store I think is he gonna drink and drive home. Or every time I go out to the garage I think how many beer cans am I gonna find hidden. Its just not a good feeling. He has made promises to me so many times. SOO many times for years, even when I have told him last chance your gonna jeapordize your relationship and your family and he still just breaks it. And I know its my fault for continuing to give him chances but I do love him and I dont wanna break up my family. I am just heartbroken. Idk what to do anymore.

tinana+3 3 kids; Orlando, FL, Virgin Islands 48209 posts
Jul 11th

Me personally, I couldn’t be with a liar. He has a drinking problem and he knows it, or he wouldn’t be hiding it. From previous posts too, you wanted to be married and he won’t propose right?? No, just no. You deserve to be happy and it doesn’t sound like he’s truly your happiness. It’s terrific that he’s a great father because in the long run that will help. But it seems like it’s been time to move on for a long time. 

Jess081316 3 kids; Spokane Valley, WA, United States 889 posts
Jul 11th

Quoting tinana+3:
Me personally, I couldn’t be with a liar. He had a drinking problem and he knows it, or he wouldn’t be hiding it. From previous posts too, you wanted to be married and he won’t propose right?? No, just no. You deserve to be happy and it doesn’t sound like he’s truly your happiness. It’s terrific that he’s a great father because in the long run that will help. But it seems like it’s been time to move on for a long time. 


Yep thats right. He proposed to his ex after a year. But we have been together for over 7 years and have kids together but he won't propose to me. He knows how important marriage is to me and has known since the beginning. It hurts. 

tinana+3 3 kids; Orlando, FL, Virgin Islands 48209 posts
Jul 11th

Quoting Jess081316:

Yep thats right. He proposed to his ex after a year. But we have been together for over 7 years and have kids together but he won't propose to me. He knows how important marriage is to me and has known since the beginning. It hurts. 


I’m really sorry. I would have a sober sit down, when the kids are occupied or not home and the two of you can actually talk. If things aren’t moving in the right direction, I think you’ll have your answer. I would just lay it all out, all the reasons you aren’t happy and what can be done to fix them. Go from there. 

Jess081316 3 kids; Spokane Valley, WA, United States 889 posts
Jul 12th

Quoting tinana+3:

I’m really sorry. I would have a sober sit down, when the kids are occupied or not home and the two of you can actually talk. If things aren’t moving in the right direction, I think you’ll have your answer. I would just lay it all out, all the reasons you aren’t happy and what can be done to fix them. Go from there. 
Jess081316 3 kids; Spokane Valley, WA, United States 889 posts
Jul 12th

Quoting ✩ Silver:
It’s been years. This isn’t a problem he’s willing to fix and that’s obvious from the promises he’s broken. I would leave. It doesn’t have to be permanent but at least until he proves that he’s either willing to change to get his family back. If he doesn’t, you have your answer. 


I know. I have been wanting to for a long time to but I am scared to leave, and honestly idk if I can. I am really dependent on him. As bad as thar sounds. He is the main source of income as I am just a stay at home mom and just nanny part time. I don't have the funds to get my own place, and all my family lives 3 hours away. So staying with them isn't really an option. Cuz there is no way he is gonna let me take the kids and leave. And I can't afford gas to take them back and forth every weekend like if he has then every weekend for a while. He needs a real wake up call but I kinda feel stuck. 

tinana+3 3 kids; Orlando, FL, Virgin Islands 48209 posts
Jul 12th

Quoting Jess081316:

I know. I have been wanting to for a long time to but I am scared to leave, and honestly idk if I can. I am really dependent on him. As bad as thar sounds. He is the main source of income as I am just a stay at home mom and just nanny part time. I don't have the funds to get my own place, and all my family lives 3 hours away. So staying with them isn't really an option. Cuz there is no way he is gonna let me take the kids and leave. And I can't afford gas to take them back and forth every weekend like if he has then every weekend for a while. He needs a real wake up call but I kinda feel stuck. 


I would do whatever I had to do. Have a yard sale and sell your stuff. Find a part time job that’s workable. I don’t know what hours he works but there’s always a way!