Advice .... something MOM+3 4 kids; United States 699 posts
Oct 10th

I lost my mom August’s 19 and honestly I don’t know what I’m looking for here . Maybe some support from people I don’t know. I’m driving myself crazy . There’s good days and then the bad ones. I loved her dearly. We got into it that Friday. I said some pretty hurtful shit. I apologized Saturday and Sunday she was gone . Just like that. I feel like I’m being punished and I very much deserved to be. Never did I imagine this. My heart hurts. Some days I don’t even want to exist with out her. It’s reality and it’s something I don’t want to come to terms with. It fuckin sucks. Everybody says things happen for a reason. I’m having a hard time finding a reason in this.. 

tinana+3 TTC since Jan 2019; 3 kids; Orlando, FL, Virgin Islands 48052 posts
Oct 10th

I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine your pain. I am SURE she knew how much you loved her whether or not you guys were mad at each other!

I would highly recommend a grief counselor. I’d also recommend writing her a letter and explaining all of your feelings. Write it all out... it will probably help more than you think! Nothing will ever fully take the pain away but getting your feelings out will help. 

SomeMommy Due June 18; 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Chicago, IL, United States 73803 posts
Oct 11th

That's heartbreaking. I truly don't think you're being punished. It's just sometimes things happen at the worst possible moment. I'm really sorry for your loss. As a mom, I know that she knew you loved her regardless of what was said. That's something mom's do, no matter what. I'm sure all is forgiven and you shouldn't dwell on those days before and just remember her as a loving, caring mother.

I agree with Tinana...grief counseling can really help. It's worth trying. Writing is so powerful. Even just talking out loud when you're alone can help. It's not the same as loosing  my mom but a few years ago, my MIL passed. We had lived with her for a while and the last year of her life I really did a lot for her, helping her just do daily things like going to the bathroom. But before that, we had grown really close. I considered her one of my best friends. When she passed, it was really hard on us. I felt her everywhere all the time. I was always talking to her for the first few months after she died because I just felt she was listening. It eased me a little. I can't say time will heal you either. It just becomes your normal life eventually. But I think finding a way to trust that she's still with you and can hear you, even if it's just in your head, getting your emotions & thoughts out in some way is important. That is a rough path you're on and I only hope for the best for you. Babygaga is a good place to seek support....we're here for you <3