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I'm in so much emotional pain Supermommy08 1 child; 2 angel babies; United States 606 posts
Aug 10th '17

I'm so heartbroken today. I wasn't expecting to feel this way. My daughter started the 2nd grade and I felt so nostalgic about it, which I did expect but what I wasn't expecting was the pain I would feel from my stillbirth, but now thinking about it, it does make sense. My due date was August 4th and the entire pregnancy I knew I would have a little baby with me to drop off Lilia at her first day of 2nd grade... today my little baby was not with us. It hit me when I was a mom carrying a newborn. Now I'm just in so much pain again. Some days I feel ok, and some days it hits me so hard. I'm suppose to have a newborn right now... she's suppose to be about a week old. I should have her. This shouldn't happen to anyone. 


I want to start trying for my rainbow baby, but my fiancé is not ready. He's dealing with a lot of depression from the experience, which I understand. He wants to be able to go to therapy and feel a bit better first. I can't blame him for that, but I just feel I need a baby, alive and well, in my arms.

Awkward 5 kids; 2 angel babies; St Cloud, MN, United States 4642 posts
Aug 10th '17

Hugs! 

Hi_ImBob Due February 5; 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Pennsylvania 2188 posts
Aug 10th '17

I'm so heartbroken for you. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Have you seen a therapist yet? I would also recommend a hobby or something you enjoy doing to occupy your mind a bit. Drawing, walks, reading, listening to music, ect. Or maybe get a kitten/bunny/pet?

Supermommy08 1 child; 2 angel babies; United States 606 posts
Aug 10th '17

Quoting Hi_ImBob:
I'm so heartbroken for you. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Have you seen a therapist yet? I would also recommend a hobby or something you enjoy doing to occupy your mind a bit. Drawing, walks, reading, listening to music, ect. Or maybe get a kitten/bunny/pet?



Yes, I started therapy this month. I mostly sit at work Monday thru Friday thinking... and its no good for me. I've thought about getting a new cat, but I already have 2 and I'm not sure if its a good idea yet or not. I just keep envisioning having her, what she would have looked like at full term, and how things would be so different. I'm missing out on all the good stuff. I feel bad that my fiancé and me are so different on what will make us feel better. To him, he needs time, and for me, I want a baby.

The Original Bob 4 kids; 4 angel babies; <3, CA, United States 38477 posts
Aug 10th '17

I'm sorry hun. I couldn't imagine. Grieving is a process. Some days will hit you harder than others. Just take it a day at a time. I couldn't imagine what you're going through, I'd probably want another baby right off the bat too, I did with my miscarriage. But it's probably best to wait and sort through the feelings and come to terms with everything.

Supermommy08 1 child; 2 angel babies; United States 606 posts
Aug 10th '17

Quoting Bob Wehadababyitsaboy:
I'm sorry hun. I couldn't imagine. Grieving is a process. Some days will hit you harder than others. Just take it a day at a time. I couldn't imagine what you're going through, I'd probably want another baby right off the bat too, I did with my miscarriage. But it's probably best to wait and sort through the feelings and come to terms with everything.



I just feel like a healthy baby and laboring and delivery a baby alive will heal me. Right now my memory of my last birth is terrible. I knew she passed and carried her about 2 more days before I could finally deliver. It took 48 for my uterus to dilate. I just want the happy birth I dreamt of the whole time. I want us to have our child. I understand he's not ready but the waiting really hurts especially when I keep hearing about people getting pregnant. I should have her by now.

The Original Bob 4 kids; 4 angel babies; <3, CA, United States 38477 posts
Aug 10th '17


Quoting Supermommy08:




I just feel like a healthy baby and laboring and delivery a baby alive will heal me. Right now my memory of my last birth is terrible. I knew she passed and carried her about 2 more days before I could finally deliver. It took 48 for my uterus to dilate. I just want the happy birth I dreamt of the whole time. I want us to have our child. I understand he's not ready but the waiting really hurts especially when I keep hearing about people getting pregnant. I should have her by now.


I can completely understand that. He's probably just scared of the possibility of losing another baby. Which would be harder and more devastating for the both of you. I'm not saying that will happen I'm just saying its scary and after it happening once, it will probably always be in his head. After my m/c I got pregnant with my DS, I was ALWAYS worried about everything, I frequented L&D, I crossed days off my calendar until I was in "the safe zone." I bought a doppler and it still wasn't real to me till he was in my arms. I couldn't imagine having a stillbirth and all the emotions that come with that and the fears. I'm so sorry hun.