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An update Supermommy08 1 child; 2 angel babies; United States 606 posts
Jun 19th '17

My baby Hailey passed away in utero. She was born on April 20th at 25 weeks gestation.

I wanted to update in case anyone ever goes through something like this. It'll be 2 months tomorrow since I delivered her. The emotional ride slowly gets worse. I had to switch jobs because I couldn't go back to my old one. The emotional pain of being there was too much. I received the autopsy results but everything showed she was a normal healthy baby. The chromosome test was completely normal. There was no reason for her passing.

The doctor told me the chances of it happening again are slim to none and I'm okay to try again when we are ready. However, I feel like my relationship with my fiancé has took quite the hit since we lost our daughter. We have been fighting a lot and the whole experience has left me very vulnerable. I feel like I failed him and disappointed him. He says that isn't true, but in my heart its what I feel. So now I'm extremely insecure. I've seen a grief counselor who assures me this is all normal but it doesn't help the anxiety and pain I feel. I don't want to lose my fiancé next. He has had outbursts of anger because I think he's bottling up his grief, but he tells me this isn't true. But he's never acted this way before. I can't believe I have to worry about losing the love of my life next. Everything I've envisioned for our future is just dwindling away. My heart is aching.

I look at Hailey's pic often, and I wish I still had her in my tummy. Her due date is only 5 weeks away now. I should be getting her room ready, and we should be excited about her arrival. The date of our baby shower passed, the date of my breast feeding class passed... and I feel like I'm existing and not living. I just need some hope. I feel like I have lost all my faith.

lamb_nodules 2 kids; United Kingdom 3728 posts
Jun 19th '17

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you and him find a way to communicate. I wish you all the best. 

MrsKnowling 4 kids; 1 angel baby; United States 682 posts
Jun 19th '17

Hugs to you, seriously. I cannot imagine going through that, I don't know if you pray but I will pray for you. Definitely keep going to a counselor and maybe see if your fiance will go with you...everyone deals with grief differently but it's not healthy to keep stuff inside. I truly hope you guys can work through this and get your rainbow baby some day!! 

(3)Boys&APrincess Due December 12 (girl); 3 kids; New Jersey 11741 posts
Jun 19th '17

So sorry for your loss <3

marmarissa 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Ottawa, ON, Canada 8256 posts
Jun 19th '17

I am so unbelievably sorry for your loss. <3 

Oh Why Not 2 kids; Hallandale beach, Fl, United States 8672 posts
Jun 19th '17

Sorry for your lossVery Sad I can't imagine how hard that would be.

Hi_ImBob Due February 5; 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Pennsylvania 2188 posts
Jun 19th '17

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that in time you and your DH can communicate better so you have someone relatable to lean on during a difficult time.

Have Heart 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Western, NY, United States 9013 posts
Jun 19th '17

My heart hurts for you momma. Wish I knew magical answers for you. I hope in time you'll heal. Lots of hugs and love <3

slayeraX7 4 angel babies; nowhere, ca, United States 2510 posts
Jun 20th '17

I cant even imagine your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. Im glad u sought out counseling. I wish u the best.

Supermommy08 1 child; 2 angel babies; United States 606 posts
Jun 20th '17

Thank you everyone. I really hope we communicate better too. I keep waiting for him to realize whats happening, and maybe he does and just doesn't want to be with me anymore, I don't know. I keep hoping each day things get better and each night I go to bed crying realizing they're not. I just keep wondering if todays the day things will turn around and be good again

Austs_Momma Due June 30; 1 child; 1 angel baby; CD, NY, United States 3814 posts
Jun 20th '17

I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine.