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Insensitive partner / boyfriend / husband carlzi 1 child; 2 angel babies; Australia 354 posts
Feb 12th '17

I fell pregnant & miscarried at the age of 16, boyfriend at the time (now ex bf) was not supportive once pregnant or after the miscarriage. This has been a huge impact on my life especially psychologically (depression).
I recently fell pregnant & miscarried again with my current partner (new bf - we own a home together, have a dog together, been together 4.5yrs) - he took a little bit but quickly became happy/excited even though it was a massive shock to us. He has been somewhat supportive since the miscarriage but at the same time he hasn't been sad himself because he said he didn't have the same connection as I did to it, & also he keeps saying passing comments that just aren't helping like - it's for a reason, you'll have a child one day, (his sister is pregnant & his brother is trying) they are older & need to be having kids now, stop being sad, be happy.
He doesn't ask how I'm feeling, or bring it up at all! I'm also frustrated because he knew about the lack of support I had first time around but yet he seems to be doing the same. 

I just hate the fact this is almost the same second time around! Not so much support & almost like it was nothing to them.
I understand guys deal with things very differently but it sucks!!! Especially when I don't have any family or friends that know.
We are surrounded by babies & pregnancies and he can see at the time how much it is affecting me and how hard it is but will never say anything & when I mention if I found the day to be difficult he just goes 'yeah'. Maybe I'm being sensitive at the moment but it truly is making me just want to leave & be completely alone :(

bia. 4 kids; ., ., Portugal 102656 posts
Feb 12th '17

I'm sorry for your losses...is this the same guy from your post in 2015? Have you moved in together? Seems like not much has changed..

carlzi 1 child; 2 angel babies; Australia 354 posts
Feb 12th '17

Quoting bia.:
I'm sorry for your losses...is this the same guy from your post in 2015? Have you moved in together? Seems like not much has changed..


Thanks darling ❤
Yes, we have been together since 2012. Sorry I wasn't too clear. He has changed a lot over the 4.5yrs in the fact he is much more committed, I couldn't fault him in any other way except for the lack of support / him even just being able to bring it up & talk about it rather than me feeling like I need to deal with it alone. He has said I can talk to him anytime but it would be nice if he did! He seemed so happy about the news so I'm finding it strange he doesn't seem sad or affected by it. Hmm

marmarissa 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Ottawa, ON, Canada 8256 posts
Feb 12th '17

He's likely trying to be supportive by telling you things that he thinks are going to help (everything happens for a reason, you'll have a baby some day, etc etc.) Maybe you could just tell him that although you appreciate the effort, you're needing more emotional support rather than just encouraging words. Even just for him to listen to you or him telling you how he feels about the situation. Just ask him to be more open about it because you need that right now. I'm so sorry for your loss <3

Jenn+5 ❤️ TTC since May 2017; 5 kids; 2 angel babies; Town you've never heard of, OH, United States 13470 posts
Feb 12th '17

I'm so sorry for your losses hun. Guys deal with pain different than we do. They hurt, but try to stay strong in front of us. That's what my husband does. He cried the first day. I've read his text messages, to his brother about it ( he allows me too) and he has told me in text messages how he feels. He communicates in text messages better about his feelings than he does face to face. 

.Bubbles. 3 kids; United States 1718 posts
Feb 12th '17

Quoting Jenn+4❤️:
I'm so sorry for your losses hun. Guys deal with pain different than we do. They hurt, but try to stay strong in front of us. That's what my husband does. He cried the first day. I've read his text messages, to his brother about it ( he allows me too) and he has told me in text messages how he feels. He communicates in text messages better about his feelings than he does face to face. 


My husband was the same way. Our losses didn't affect him the way they affected me. I felt an instant connection, as soon as I got the positive test. But for men, it's different. I don't think it really becomes real until they can see the growing bump and feel the kicking baby.

I'm sorry for your losses, OP. :(

Addi&Aria'smama 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Florissant, Missouri 8261 posts
Feb 12th '17

Quoting .Bubbles.:

My husband was the same way. Our losses didn't affect him the way they affected me. I felt an instant connection, as soon as I got the positive test. But for men, it's different. I don't think it really becomes real until they can see the growing bump and feel the kicking baby.

I'm sorry for your losses, OP. :(



Exclamation  Dh couldn't even be at the ultrasound when we found out the baby didn't have a heartbeat. He never saw the baby. He really had no connection to the baby. His way of dealing was just forgetting it even happened. 

Have Heart 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Western, NY, United States 9013 posts
Feb 12th '17

sounds like he's trying, but just not in the ways you need him to. my suggestion is tell him what you need, he won't know unless you do. he may not be talking about it because he might not want to say the wrong thing and upset you or something. it sounds like he's a good dude, just needs to be steered into the direction you need him to.

our first baby only made it to 11 weeks, I was devastated. I was super upset about it. I didn't even want to try again and it put a strain on our relationship. next week it'll be the 5th anniversary of our loss.

all I can say is that it'll get easier, momma. hugs <3