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WWYD WhiteZombie 1 child; 1 angel baby; United States 772 posts
Sep 4th '16

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user banned United States 62 posts
Sep 4th '16

I would lose my mind if someone hit my child in the face! Omg! I understand spanking on the bottom when the time calls for it, but in the face?! No way!! To me, that is abusive. I'm not sure if I have any advice, but I'm so sooo sorry. :(

Cali_dreamer United States 56 posts
Sep 4th '16

Is there a court order? If not he damn sure wouldn't being seeing my child until we had one. I'm not even completely against spanking, but hitting in the face or letting other people touch my son wouldn't happen.

WhiteZombie 1 child; 1 angel baby; United States 772 posts
Sep 4th '16

Quoting me+4:
Is there a court order? If not he damn sure wouldn't being seeing my child until we had one. I'm not even completely against spanking, but hitting in the face or letting other people touch my son wouldn't happen.


We do not have a court order yet. I went to a child support enforcement agency in February they sent him stuff in the mail twice which he ignored so they are referring it to the courts so I am just waiting at this point.

WhiteZombie 1 child; 1 angel baby; United States 772 posts
Sep 4th '16

Quoting GemstoneAwaiting:
I would lose my mind if someone hit my child in the face! Omg! I understand spanking on the bottom when the time calls for it, but in the face?! No way!! To me, that is abusive. I'm not sure if I have any advice, but I'm so sooo sorry. :(


I couldn't believe it when he did it. Had we not be in a restaurant at the time I probably would have went off on him. It pisses me off so much cause I know he was not the one who decided to start hitting him, it was either the gf or one of her family members. 

NikkiLeAnne 4 kids; Illinois 3589 posts
Sep 4th '16

He wouldn't be seeing my child without a court order. No amount of money he could give me to help out would be worth him seeing my child and treating him that way. Absofuckinglutely not. I'd get a restraining order as well. Smacking your child in the face or hitting him at all is not okay. 

NikkiLeAnne 4 kids; Illinois 3589 posts
Sep 4th '16

So the gf tells you he doesn't know what he's doing and she offers to pay child support and she's the one making the effort to see your child yet you blame her for his dad hitting him? All because he said he was against hitting when your son was born? People lie..

WhiteZombie 1 child; 1 angel baby; United States 772 posts
Sep 4th '16

Quoting Nikki+2.5<3:
He wouldn't be seeing my child without a court order. No amount of money he could give me to help out would be worth him seeing my child and treating him that way. Absofuckinglutely not. I'd get a restraining order as well. Smacking your child in the face or hitting him at all is not okay. 


I just want what's best for my kid, he deserves a dad who is there for him and makes it clear he cares about him. I would love if he helped financially but its not my sons fault he doesn't pay it so I didnt want to keep my son away from him because of it. I'm just starting to question whether its a good situation to even put my child through though.

WhiteZombie 1 child; 1 angel baby; United States 772 posts
Sep 4th '16

Quoting Nikki+2.5<3:
So the gf tells you he doesn't know what he's doing and she offers to pay child support and she's the one making the effort to see your child yet you blame her for his dad hitting him? All because he said he was against hitting when your son was born? People lie..


He never once put his hands on my child before being with this girl. Im pretty sure she is the one telling him he needs to discipline him by hitting him. 

marmarissa 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Ottawa, ON, Canada 8256 posts
Sep 4th '16

Quoting WhiteZombie:

He never once put his hands on my child before being with this girl. Im pretty sure she is the one telling him he needs to discipline him by hitting him. 


Being pretty sure and being sure are two very different things go. 

Royal_Lux United States 2660 posts
Sep 4th '16

Quoting WhiteZombie:

I just want what's best for my kid, he deserves a dad who is there for him and makes it clear he cares about him. I would love if he helped financially but its not my sons fault he doesn't pay it so I didnt want to keep my son away from him because of it. I'm just starting to question whether its a good situation to even put my child through though.


Your son is 1.5, what's best for him is waiting for this mess to be sorted through the courts. You shouldn't be arguing in front of your child about money.

First, you say if this girlfriend wasn't around that his dad wouldn't make any effort. Second, you blame the girlfriend for the father slapping him in the face. Stop accusing the girlfriend for every detail and straighten things out between your child's father through the courts.

I personally wouldn't allow him to see the child, until he stopped ignoring the paperwork for the courts and acted like an adult. The hanging up on you is childish. Id suggest co-parenting counseling as well. I hope the judge does too.

WhiteZombie 1 child; 1 angel baby; United States 772 posts
Sep 4th '16

Quoting Royal_Lux:

Your son is 1.5, what's best for him is waiting for this mess to be sorted through the courts. You shouldn't be arguing in front of your child about money.

First, you say if this girlfriend wasn't around that his dad wouldn't make any effort. Second, you blame the girlfriend for the father slapping him in the face. Stop accusing the girlfriend for every detail and straighten things out between your child's father through the courts.

I personally wouldn't allow him to see the child, until he stopped ignoring the paperwork for the courts and acted like an adult. The hanging up on you is childish. Id suggest co-parenting counseling as well. I hope the judge does too.


Im saying that before he had a girlfriend he literally made no effort to be involved in his child's life. I offered multiple times to him take our son on the weekends and he always told me no. He would only come to my house and see him for a few hours a month. Once him and the gf got together that's when he started actually taking him on the weekends. I worry that if him and the gf break up he will go back to not taking our son on the weekends and see him very little again. I don't want my son to get use to having his dad in his life just for him to disappear again. Hopefully that makes more sense. 

But your right I have no proof its the girls fault, and it's not like I'm mad at her for it, I'm mad at him about it. But the whole thing that set me over the edge was his saying "WE'RE going to start hitting him" 

I wasnt trying to argue about money I asked for the money he said he didn't bring it I said I wasn't going to ask about it again we'll just let the courts decide and he started cussing me out. 

I always just feel guilty cause I don't want my son to not be able to see his dad, I just wish he would pull his head out of his ass and do what's best for his son. There's basically no communication between us, its mainly between me and his gf. I had no clue there was co parenting counseling and it's definitely something I will be looking into and asking the judge about. 

WhiteZombie 1 child; 1 angel baby; United States 772 posts
Sep 4th '16

Quoting marmarissa:

Being pretty sure and being sure are two very different things go. 


You're right. Like I said in my last response, I think the thing that set me off was him saying "WE'RE going to start hitting him."

Royal_Lux United States 2660 posts
Sep 4th '16

It's really weird that the communication is between the GF and you. I would be appreciative that his gf has helped him be more involved but you both really need to know how to communicate for your child.

Your child is at the age, where he can't say too much and you both are his voice.

 I'd group message both (GF and Childs dad) so they both get exact feedback. I'd let him know, he is the father and direct communication about your son has to go thru him, no longer between you and his GF. 

You don't have a stable relationship built yet with your child's  father. I would work on rebuilding that communication and co-parenting relationship before attempting to build one with his GF. 

Dont feel guilty about waiting for courts to do something. If it really gets under his skin, maybe he will file some kind of order. If I were him, I wouldn't be paying you anything without having a record of it. It's not fair to use having a check one week and not having it another, as a reason to argue before he takes his kid.

WhiteZombie 1 child; 1 angel baby; United States 772 posts
Sep 4th '16

Quoting Royal_Lux:
It's really weird that the communication is between the GF and you. I would be appreciative that his gf has helped him be more involved but you both really need to know how to communicate for your child.

Your child is at the age, where he can't say too much and you both are his voice.

 I'd group message both (GF and Childs dad) so they both get exact feedback. I'd let him know, he is the father and direct communication about your son has to go thru him, no longer between you and his GF. 

You don't have a stable relationship built yet with your child's  father. I would work on rebuilding that communication and co-parenting relationship before attempting to build one with his GF. 

Dont feel guilty about waiting for courts to do something. If it really gets under his skin, maybe he will file some kind of order. If I were him, I wouldn't be paying you anything without having a record of it. It's not fair to use having a check one week and not having it another, as a reason to argue before he takes his kid.


I honestly hate that the bulk of communication is between me and her and I think you are completely right. At first she was just kind of the buffer so we didn't kill each other, but there's been a few times I've felt she was over stepping her bounds because she is just a gf and not a parent. So from now on I'm going to let them know that communication needs to be between me and his dad.