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Just at a loss....wwyd Soon 2 Be Momma of 2 2 kids; 1 angel baby; United States 307 posts
Sep 2nd '16

So DD just turned 5 in Aug. 5th.
I have been a single parent pretty much her whole life. Her dad totally walked out of her life when she was 3. No calls or texts. Just a clean break. DD HAD a hard time understanding. She got to the point where she stopped asking about him. Last year when she started pre school she started asking again then it go to the point of her saying that she didn't have a dad and would argue with anyone that told her that she did. On her birthday this year her dad calls. When he called her didn't know it was her birthday, he didn't know how old she was and needless to say he didnt known that she was going to start school in a few weeks either. Then our of nowhere he said that he would like to see her.  That weekend we went to see him. (she doesn't know him or him her so I didn't feel comfortable letting her go alone). Then we met up again the following week. But my fear is that this isn't going to last. She already had to pick up the pieces once I'm terrified that he's going to hurt her again.

Sidenote: when she was younger and a baby he would come in and out. So that wasn't his first time. 

JBL Mommy 4 kids; 1 angel baby; United States 881 posts
Sep 2nd '16

I have a 9 and 6 year old from a previous relationship. We have been split up for about 4 years now and he has not been consistent in their lives either. He now hasn't seen them since January and won't answer his phone when they call. He also does not and has never paid support. It has taken an emotional toll on my kids. I have decided that in the best interest of my kids, it's better if he stays away permanently. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he does. 

Soon 2 Be Momma of 2 2 kids; 1 angel baby; United States 307 posts
Sep 2nd '16

Quoting JBL Mommy :
I have a 9 and 6 year old from a previous relationship. We have been split up for about 4 years now and he has not been consistent in their lives either. He now hasn't seen them since January and won't answer his phone when they call. He also does not and has never paid support. It has taken an emotional toll on my kids. I have decided that in the best interest of my kids, it's better if he stays away permanently. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he does. 


That's what I'm saying. I'm now in a happy relationship and we are all happy. My girls finally have a constant positive love in their life. But then there is a part of me that is scared that when she gets older if she ask about him and asks if he tried to see her and I say yes and I didn't let him that she will he angry with me. 

Space Jesus 1 child; United States 159 posts
Sep 2nd '16

my LO is 6 - my ex is in & out of her life but I don't deny him seeing her because that is her father & he has the ability to be decent when he is around her. I've also made it very clear so far that she will chase after NO MAN, especially her father .. she is able to form her own opinion on him at this point - he's around when he feels like it & she knows that .. my SO is a good man that has stepped up to the plate & LO adores him so I'm lucky for that. 

but I'm in the same boat as you - I won't keep her from him because I don't want her to resent me for it .. my mom did it to me & I was angry at her for a while .. but my bio dad is a p***e o* s**t so I get it now, as an adult ..

kids are smart. they know a lot more than we give them credit for .. she will form her own opinions on her dad regardless what you do or don't do. 

JBL Mommy 4 kids; 1 angel baby; United States 881 posts
Sep 2nd '16

Quoting Space Jesus:
my LO is 6 - my ex is in & out of her life but I don't deny him seeing her because that is her father & he has the ability to be decent when he is around her. I've also made it very clear so far that she will chase after NO MAN, especially her father .. she is able to form her own opinion on him at this point - he's around when he feels like it & she knows that .. my SO is a good man that has stepped up to the plate & LO adores him so I'm lucky for that. 

but I'm in the same boat as you - I won't keep her from him because I don't want her to resent me for it .. my mom did it to me & I was angry at her for a while .. but my bio dad is a p***e o* s**t so I get it now, as an adult ..

kids are smart. they know a lot more than we give them credit for .. she will form her own opinions on her dad regardless what you do or don't do. 


I haven't kept my kids from him until he started hurting them. Not to mention he is a raging dope head. 

Space Jesus 1 child; United States 159 posts
Sep 2nd '16

Quoting JBL Mommy :

I haven't kept my kids from him until he started hurting them. Not to mention he is a raging dope head. 


yeah, that's legit reasoning. my bio dad is & was on heroin but I didn't know that until the last few years .. 

Soon 2 Be Momma of 2 2 kids; 1 angel baby; United States 307 posts
Sep 2nd '16

Quoting Space Jesus:
my LO is 6 - my ex is in & out of her life but I don't deny him seeing her because that is her father & he has the ability to be decent when he is around her. I've also made it very clear so far that she will chase after NO MAN, especially her father .. she is able to form her own opinion on him at this point - he's around when he feels like it & she knows that .. my SO is a good man that has stepped up to the plate & LO adores him so I'm lucky for that. 

but I'm in the same boat as you - I won't keep her from him because I don't want her to resent me for it .. my mom did it to me & I was angry at her for a while .. but my bio dad is a p***e o* s**t so I get it now, as an adult ..

kids are smart. they know a lot more than we give them credit for .. she will form her own opinions on her dad regardless what you do or don't do. 


Yeah I want her to make the decison on her own. It's like I need to tell him how to be a dad and I'm not going to do that I'm not going to walk him through it step by step. If this is something that he really wants he needs to figure that out on his own.