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How would you handle this? Me+ (3) 3 kids; Lima, OH, United States 2355 posts
Apr 15th '16

OK so DH and his long time best friend ended their friendship last night over our DS.
DS is 6, and special needs. He has adhd combined type, and possible other issues we are still diagnosing. He's overall a very well behaved kid except the occasion out burst or short attention span. Anyways..
DH has been friends with this guy for 15-20+ years. At least. Maybe longer. DS doesn't usually ever go to this guys house (lets call him Joe). DS has maybe been to Joe's house 3 times in 4 years. Just because Joe's wife doesn't handle children well. (She does have 2 boys) 
Last night , DH got a text saying if he still planned on coming over this Saturday, which they had plan since last Saturday when DS was over there, that he either had to find a sitter or stay home with me. 
DS went last weekend for maybe 3 hours with DH. They both were in the house the entire time together. Maybe not in the same room at all times but none the less DH didn't just leave him unattended. 


Anyways. DH kind of asked why and took offense to this because a few days ago they said DS could come Saturday. Basically they said because he has adhd and some people (referring to his wife) can't handle to babysit people like 'that'. 
So of course DH replied if my sons not welcome neither am I. 

My husband has known this guy his entire life and he did this to him. So of course he's upset. 

I feel bad, but I told my husband that when this all blows over for him, I still don't want him (my husband) going there now.

I mean.. my son is 6. This women wasn't watching my son. My husband was there. The entire time. 

How you handle this?

BusyBeeMommy Due May 9 (girl); 2 kids; United States 902 posts
Apr 15th '16

Quoting Me+ (3):
OK so DH and his long time best friend ended their friendship last night over our DS.
DS is 6, and special needs. He has adhd combined type, and possible other issues we are still diagnosing. He's overall a very well behaved kid except the occasion out burst or short attention span. Anyways..
DH has been friends with this guy for 15-20+ years. At least. Maybe longer. DS doesn't usually ever go to this guys house (lets call him Joe). DS has maybe been to Joe's house 3 times in 4 years. Just because Joe's wife doesn't handle children well. (She does have 2 boys) 
Last night , DH got a text saying if he still planned on coming over this Saturday, which they had plan since last Saturday when DS was over there, that he either had to find a sitter or stay home with me. 
DS went last weekend for maybe 3 hours with DH. They both were in the house the entire time together. Maybe not in the same room at all times but none the less DH didn't just leave him unattended. 


Anyways. DH kind of asked why and took offense to this because a few days ago they said DS could come Saturday. Basically they said because he has adhd and some people (referring to his wife) can't handle to babysit people like 'that'. 
So of course DH replied if my sons not welcome neither am I. 

My husband has known this guy his entire life and he did this to him. So of course he's upset. 

I feel bad, but I told my husband that when this all blows over for him, I still don't want him (my husband) going there now.

I mean.. my son is 6. This women wasn't watching my son. My husband was there. The entire time. 

How you handle this?


I don't want to offend you but are you sure your husband was watching him? I only say this because we recently had to lay down the law with some people that bring their kids over to play... They bring them over and let them do whatever they want, and my husband and I end up watching them the entire time. It's very exhausting and irritating when their parents just sit there and I have to constantly clean up, tell them no, and go check on them because their own parents won't do it. It makes me want them to not come over, because it's like taking care of 4 instead of 2. And their kids are not well behaved at all. 

Viv ♥ 3 kids; ., TX, United States 15559 posts
Apr 15th '16

I would... say bye. Your kid isn't going anywhere and there's no reason to pursue a friendship with someone who doesn't want your kid around. It could just be the dudes wifes problem and his hands are tied, but I wouldn't count on his wife going anywhere anytime soon either. 
Your DH could do things out of the house with this guy, like see movies, eat etc that don't require DS or the dudes wife to be there. But some aspect of that friendship needed to change. I personally would wipe my hands of them completely.

Consuela* United States 5029 posts
Apr 15th '16

Quoting BusyBeeMommy:

I don't want to offend you but are you sure your husband was watching him? I only say this because we recently had to lay down the law with some people that bring their kids over to play... They bring them over and let them do whatever they want, and my husband and I end up watching them the entire time. It's very exhausting and irritating when their parents just sit there and I have to constantly clean up, tell them no, and go check on them because their own parents won't do it. It makes me want them to not come over, because it's like taking care of 4 instead of 2. And their kids are not well behaved at all. 


I was kind of thinking the same thing. 

Most guys I know are a bit more lax in the parenting department and don't pay as much attention, especially if the kids aren't little babies. They just kind of let them go. Including my DH. He doesn't really take DS1 to anyones house other than his parents without me though.


Still though, I'd be a little upset by the, "people like THAT" comment, that was a pretty rude way of going about it.

BusyBeeMommy Due May 9 (girl); 2 kids; United States 902 posts
Apr 15th '16

Quoting USSmith85:

I was kind of thinking the same thing. 

Most guys I know are a bit more lax in the parenting department and don't pay as much attention, especially if the kids aren't little babies. They just kind of let them go. Including my DH. He doesn't really take DS1 to anyones house other than his parents without me though.


Still though, I'd be a little upset by the, "people like THAT" comment, that was a pretty rude way of going about it.


It wasn't meant to offend anyone for sure. But my DH and I just think it's rude (in our case) because they will literally look at us when they're kid is doing something wrong (getting into things, trying to go outside, etc...) and then argue with eachother about who should go do something about it until one of us go take care of it. Our situation is worse than most I think, they have no remorse about just dumping the responsibility of their kids on us. Wasn't meant to be rude, just meant people that don't watch their kids at other people's houses. 

Consuela* United States 5029 posts
Apr 15th '16

Quoting BusyBeeMommy:

It wasn't meant to offend anyone for sure. But my DH and I just think it's rude (in our case) because they will literally look at us when they're kid is doing something wrong (getting into things, trying to go outside, etc...) and then argue with eachother about who should go do something about it until one of us go take care of it. Our situation is worse than most I think, they have no remorse about just dumping the responsibility of their kids on us. Wasn't meant to be rude, just meant people that don't watch their kids at other people's houses. 


I didn't say you were rude. I was agreeing with you and wondering if it's possible her DH wasn't paying much attention.

I was saying that it was rude of her DHs friend to make the comment "people like THAT"

Me+ (3) 3 kids; Lima, OH, United States 2355 posts
Apr 15th '16

Quoting BusyBeeMommy:

I don't want to offend you but are you sure your husband was watching him? I only say this because we recently had to lay down the law with some people that bring their kids over to play... They bring them over and let them do whatever they want, and my husband and I end up watching them the entire time. It's very exhausting and irritating when their parents just sit there and I have to constantly clean up, tell them no, and go check on them because their own parents won't do it. It makes me want them to not come over, because it's like taking care of 4 instead of 2. And their kids are not well behaved at all. 


I'm positive, because like I stated he's special needs so he needs close attention. He wouldnt leave him unattended longer than maybe a few minutes. Being to use the bathroom, run to the car, helped carry groceries in. We have to pay close attention to him so I'm very sure he was watching him.

BusyBeeMommy Due May 9 (girl); 2 kids; United States 902 posts
Apr 15th '16

Quoting USSmith85:

I didn't say you were rude. I was agreeing with you and wondering if it's possible her DH wasn't paying much attention.

I was saying that it was rude of her DHs friend to make the comment "people like THAT"


Oh well I looked at what I posted and I put people like that, so I thought you were referring to me. lol. I wouldn't think their friends would raise a fuss unless there was something to raise a fuss about. I know I get very frustrated with the people that come over to our house and we didn't hang out with them for a long time because of it. It's beginning to irritate me again, because no, at 9 months pregnant, I do not want to follow your kid around and make sure their not terrorizing my home. 

**Rach** TTC since Apr 2011; 3 angel babies; Intercourse, PA, United States 515 posts
Apr 15th '16

You have to make the decision now if you want them in your life. The people like that comment would upset me very much.  My niece is SN and she overwhelms people in our family to the point they've told my brother, look we just cant watch her anymore, stuff like that. So I can see both sides but there are better ways to go about it I think.  I know if someone were to say that to me I'd say ok we'll we are a package deal so figure it out. 

BusyBeeMommy Due May 9 (girl); 2 kids; United States 902 posts
Apr 15th '16

Quoting Me+ (3):

I'm positive, because like I stated he's special needs so he needs close attention. He wouldnt leave him unattended longer than maybe a few minutes. Being to use the bathroom, run to the car, helped carry groceries in. We have to pay close attention to him so I'm very sure he was watching him.


Hmm, that's so strange then. I would love if my friends paid attention to their children like that. Well I hope you find the real reason. That way you can either work through it or cut them out. 

Me+ (3) 3 kids; Lima, OH, United States 2355 posts
Apr 15th '16

Quoting **Jeanette**:
You have to make the decision now if you want them in your life. The people like that comment would upset me very much.  My niece is SN and she overwhelms people in our family to the point they've told my brother, look we just cant watch her anymore, stuff like that. So I can see both sides but there are better ways to go about it I think.  I know if someone were to say that to me I'd say ok we'll we are a package deal so figure it out. 


I mean, these people have (the lady mainly) has only ever seen my son at most 3 times. Ever. 
DH never takes him there because the way she is. This time, he asked before because his friends kids wanted him to come play. So he took him for a few hours.  So for them its not like they ever deal with him. They've never babysat him, nothing. 
Typically we have my mom or brother watch him because they know how he is and can deal with him easier and most... and they enjoy his company since we used to live with them.. or he goes to private pay when needed. 

At this point, my husbands done with that friendship. His brother used to be friends with this guy and something similar happened but with his girlfriend not being allowed at their house. So its not surprising.