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"Baby daddy"/ex pissed me off *R [E]N%A/Y ¥ 2 kids; Kansas city, MO, United States 4704 posts
Oct 1st '15

I'm so mad.  My ex only tries to see our daughter once every 3 or 4 months.  And I've come to terms with that.  I make sure it works when he asks. We are very civil and get along.  A year ago he was completely uninvolved in her life.  It makes her so happy to have visits with HER dad.  And I love that she gets to see him and his family,  even occasionally.  
Well last week he texted that he wanted to see her this week.  I said ok. I'm off work today. All he said after that was my brother and nieces are up from Florida and she can meet her cousins.  Cool.  I didn't hear another thing from him.  At 9 this morning he texted that he is on his way.  I had completely forgot,  the clutch went out in SOs truck, I started a new job, and I just got distracted.  Well SO took my car to work so I couldnt meet EX.  So I told him to meet me here.  That's all fine and dandy.  Then I realize the car seat is in my car. So I get in touch with my only friend up here to borrow a car seat for the day.  She brings it to me because I'm with out a vehicle, and has to put her 5 year old in a booster seat so she can give me the 5t harness.  
Then my ex got here, with his whole family,  3 cars full of people. I said ok after my SO gets off work I'll come down to get her.  And his dad says we are going to the zoo tomorrow.  Caught off guard I said oh ok,  I get off work at 5 and I can meet you at the zoo to pick her up,  or you can bring her here after dinner. And he says oh well I was planning on just bringing her back Saturday. My ex didn't say anything so  I said  to him oh ok well give me some time to go get her clothes and blanket. And he says,  oh I have been gathering clothes for her, she just needs panties and socks.  So I went up and grabbed some,  and her blanket she can't sleep with out, but he wouldn't know that. And I gave her lovens and let her leave.  Because she is so excited,  and im excited for her to meet her cousins,  and get spoiled by her grandpa.  And when I got inside I texted him. 

"Hey please don't put me on the spot like that.  You never said anything about an over night trip.  I already paid my baby sitter for tomorrow and Carly doesn't know baylee won't be back tonight she will be sad.  And i borrowed a car seat for you to use just for today,  because i didn't knowit was a 3 day trip.  Next time I need to know how long the trip will be so I can plan accordingly.  You actually never even verified you would be picking her up today, I could have been out of town or running errands.   I just want 100% open communication so we are prepared.  "


Then he texted back,  
"(1/2) Oh, I'm sorry. You are right. I didn't mean to put you on the spot or anything. Every time I've picked her up before I was overnight, so I was just under (2/2) the mind set it would be again. But you are right, and I'm sorry. Will you let me pay you back for the babysitter? "
 
so bad I want to say,  you mean the 3 times you have seen her in the last year,  two of which I brought her to you because you don't drive,  and 1 of which was Christmas and you had her for 5 hours,  not overnight.  
Yeah I'll take the pay for the baby sitter,  even though she is my friend and will let me use it for a different day.  

Sorry for the story book. I'm so frustrated.  I am serving him with custody and child support papers in November.  No more games,  he wants to act like he is this amazing dad infront of his family,  well he can start doing what amazing dad's do,  pay child support,  and have a consistent visitation schedule.  

bia. 4 kids; ., ., Portugal 102641 posts
Oct 1st '15

Quoting Mommie♡♡:
idk. i mean i get being frustrated being put on the spot, but he seems to be civil. and is apologizing for his mess up. even offering to pay the baby sitter. am i reading it wrong?



ExclamationExclamationExclamation

!00% this

Gold 3 kids; Stuffed with a, ., Turkey 67018 posts
Oct 1st '15

  I mean, I would have been caught off guard too at the time.. but it sounds to me like he is being civil and apologized.

Oh Why Not 2 kids; Hallandale beach, Fl, United States 8672 posts
Oct 1st '15

Quoting Mommie♡♡:
idk. i mean i get being frustrated being put on the spot, but he seems to be civil. and is apologizing for his mess up. even offering to pay the baby sitter. am i reading it wrong?


Agree.  I wouldn't say all that and cause confrontation.  Just keep it civil,  when you go and pick her up have a talk with him about being more consistent in her life. 

Jenny&Boopy Due October 24; 3 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 9737 posts
Oct 1st '15

Quoting Mommie♡♡:
idk. i mean i get being frustrated being put on the spot, but he seems to be civil. and is apologizing for his mess up. even offering to pay the baby sitter. am i reading it wrong?


This. At least he's being civil and making an attempt. My ex would've just told me off.

*R [E]N%A/Y ¥ 2 kids; Kansas city, MO, United States 4704 posts
Oct 1st '15

Quoting Mommie♡♡:
idk. i mean i get being frustrated being put on the spot, but he seems to be civil. and is apologizing for his mess up. even offering to pay the baby sitter. am i reading it wrong?


No your right.  And he is civil.  As am I biting my tongue when I want to say so much more.  It just pisses me off,  he acts like he visits her so much.  And we have some routine or something.  When really it's,  me not hearing from him for months until his dad wants to do something with her,  and normally we talk everything out,  too the point where I know exactly what time pick up and drop off is,  what they are doing.  The times he never went into more detail them saying I want to see her this weekend.  He never showed up.  So I really didn't think he would.  I should hane texted and asked for a plan,  but I completely forgot,  and that's not my job anyway.  
I just think I've given him enough time to get his life together,  it's time for a legally binding custody agreement.  
And I think it's awesome he is offering to pay the baby sitter,  he has never given me a dime for anything, but always asks me what things cost like he is going to help,  he just never does. 

*R [E]N%A/Y ¥ 2 kids; Kansas city, MO, United States 4704 posts
Oct 1st '15

Quoting Gold:
  I mean, I would have been caught off guard too at the time.. but it sounds to me like he is being civil and apologized.


I just felt like I was put on the spot and had to agree to whatever he wanted because his whole family was there,  and it was infront of baby girl.  I could tell she was excited so I let her go on a happy note,  and I sent him a polite text explaining my issue,  so it wouldn't be a confrontation in front of the kids and family. 

*R [E]N%A/Y ¥ 2 kids; Kansas city, MO, United States 4704 posts
Oct 1st '15

Quoting Jenny&Boopy:

This. At least he's being civil and making an attempt. My ex would've just told me off.


He would have Told you off for asking for better communication and a plan? That sucks.  My oldest daughters dad is like that,  he told me off because I asked him for a phonenumber to contact him,  and his address for when she visited him. ..

NinjaSquirrel United States 8146 posts
Oct 1st '15

Quoting dollartreemom:

No your right.  And he is civil.  As am I biting my tongue when I want to say so much more.  It just pisses me off,  he acts like he visits her so much.  And we have some routine or something.  When really it's,  me not hearing from him for months until his dad wants to do something with her,  and normally we talk everything out,  too the point where I know exactly what time pick up and drop off is,  what they are doing.  The times he never went into more detail them saying I want to see her this weekend.  He never showed up.  So I really didn't think he would.  I should hane texted and asked for a plan,  but I completely forgot,  and that's not my job anyway.  
I just think I've given him enough time to get his life together,  it's time for a legally binding custody agreement.  
And I think it's awesome he is offering to pay the baby sitter,  he has never given me a dime for anything, but always asks me what things cost like he is going to help,  he just never does. 



I think you are projecting your frustration on to him (issues you are currently having with SO).

Jenny&Boopy Due October 24; 3 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 9737 posts
Oct 1st '15

Quoting dollartreemom:

He would have Told you off for asking for better communication and a plan? That sucks.  My oldest daughters dad is like that,  he told me off because I asked him for a phonenumber to contact him,  and his address for when she visited him. ..


Yup. He's like that with everything. He either completely ignores me asking need to know questions or throws a fit.

*R [E]N%A/Y ¥ 2 kids; Kansas city, MO, United States 4704 posts
Oct 1st '15

Quoting NinjaSquirrel :


I think you are projecting your frustration on to him (issues you are currently having with SO).


I may be. But actually the issue I had last night got resolved last night.  And I feel 1000% better. 
My issues with my ex stem from years ago.  
Please do not quote,  
When our daughter was 5 months old I moved and stopped using my normal baby sitter. And my ex stayed home with the girls while I worked. The old baby sitter made false allegations that my ex had been molesting my oldest daughter.  He refused to take a psychological profile test with a psychologist,  to help our case against cps. He was scared they would think he was guilty because he has some issues,  ocd, manic depression, and anxiety disorder. When they found it he didn't go in,  they took custody of my kids because he still lived in the house.  (Luckily my parents were foster parents and the girls got placed with them) I had to cut all contact to him,  and make him move out to get custody of my kids back.  I had to take parenting classes. Have hours of supervised visitation with a parent aid, to assess my parenting.  take psychological profile testing. Take random drug and alcohol testing,  and have meetings with the attorneys, and cps caseworkers every week.  I had to show my bank statements,  I actually had to fight for a raise at work because the caseworker didn't think I made enough money. Before the allegations were found false a month later and I was ordered custody.  All the while he never did anything to prove his ability to parent.  He lived in our old duplex with 6 roommates,  and got arrested 2 times for disturbing the peace by being publicly intoxicated.  
I never heard from him.  For 2 years,  then his dad messaged me before her 3rd birthday and asked to see her.  We set it up,  and things went well.  His dad convinced me he had grown up,  had kept a steady place to live for 2 years,  and had a job.  And that he was too embarrassed to ask me himself to see our daughter.  So I told his dad they were invited to her birthday party.  That was a year ago,  Since then he has only seen her 3 times.  4 times if you could today. 

Just the Sea's mom 1 child; Keokuk, IA, United States 3286 posts
Oct 9th '15

Just be happy that he's making an effort to see her & being civil. You already told him why it was a problem.