22 May, '98 - 9 April, '11
My dog didn't die. My dog was murdered. He didn't pass away in his sleep, old age didn't take him; a selfish son of a b***h ran him over, he was mercilessly smashed into the pavement. I'll never see his face again, or hold him, or stroke his fur. I won't hear his claws on the wood floors, or his pawing at the door to let him in, or his tongue lapping up the water in his bowl. I don't give a damn what anyone else says about their dog out of a bias - Buddi was the greatest.
Da let Buddi out before he went to work, just like normal, on Friday night; in his younger days, he would run off for hours, but had formed a new routine of staying within the confines of our front yard, hurrying back to the front door after he finished his business. No one thought it strange that he took a little longer this last time - mum hoped he was feeling better, that the good weather was coaxing his thirst for adventure out of him - so out he ran, off for some fun.
I was at Aaron's until around 3:00 AM and I had no reason to question why I didn't see my darling boy when I came home; he slept and slept and slept in the last months he was with us, always such a sleepy puppy. When I awoke for work, I noticed Buddi wasn't in his normal spot on the rug in the hallway to the garage. I did find it strange not to see his sweet face looking up at me, his shiny brown eyes beggin' me to stay home with him like old times, before I had a job or friends that kept me from him. Still, I went on with my day, working on very little sleep.
When mum got home from work, she saw that Buddi was still not home and it wasn't like him to be out that long. He was a home-body, a home-Buddi, and he knew his way back. Mum set off to look for him, finding him not more than a mile from our home in the street, but took da with her to make sure it really was him. I came home at 7:30, parked as usual, sat in front of the computer for a bit, made my way downstairs and received a phone call from da at 9:10. I could hear my parents talking in the other room - they were saying something about Grandpa Ed, how mum didn't let me see him before he died because he didn't look like himself, and I assumed the phone call was going to be the announcement of another grandparent passing away - and I stepped out of my room, only just, and they asked me to come sit with them.
I asked if my Grandpa Paul was dying, or if he was dead, but it wasn't him. Da told me that "Ol' Buddi dog is dead," or some variation of that, and I stared at him for a moment, desperate for him to be joking or for there to be another dog with the same name or for anything but that to be true, and teary-eyed mum flew to my side, holding her shaking, aching daughter. They asked me what I wanted to do, if I wanted to pick him up, if I wanted to see him, and I answered their questions but it wasn't me speaking. I was gone, I was with my dog, holding him as tight as I did when I first got him, and we were playing in the backyard again for 14 hours and nothing mattered but his sweet face, his funny walk, his pointy ears, his kind spirit and his unwavering loyalty to this family - to his family - but none of that could be; my baby was gone and I couldn't be gone with him. I had to stay here. I had to be in this moment.
We drove out of the neighbourhood, past the stop sign at Lone Elm and straight down 119th until I saw him, his poor little body, crushed into the ground. And it was at that moment that I realized I had seen this very body on my way to work earlier in the day, and I passed over it - I passed over him - but the possibility of the body being my dear Buddi never occurred to me, so I obliviously went on my way. He was mangled beyond recognition and it broke me to see him so destroyed - all I could think about was the pain he suffered, even if it was only for an instant, and that he was alone for it and how I'll never be able to hold him or see him -
and he didn't have
a face -
a face -
and he wasn't there, he wasn't there, he wasn't there. And I couldn't be where he was and I couldn't bring him back and I couldn't do anything but cry and scream and yearn. My darling boy, my Buddi, was ruined and he was gone. He still didn't have a tail, but his backside didn't move or wiggle and he wasn't dancing or prancing and he made no noise or movement.
BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE A FACE
AND I LOVED THAT FACE
AND I LOVED HIM.
His body was kept in the garage, in a plastic bag, until Sunday when da made him a coffin out of some plywood we had. I spent the day gathering poems and quotes, listening to Let it Be and Ain't No Grave on repeat, and I couldn't go 15 minutes without bursting into tears. Patrick dug him a hole; I wrote Buddi's name and his day of birth and death, a Charles Bukowski poem and the last two lines of a John Donne poem on his coffin; mum brought me a bouquet to put on top of his grave. Da and Patrick read a scene from The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers for the ceremony, then we put his new wooden home into the ground and I stood in front of him as dirt gently wrapped around him, like a peaceful blanket, and I wept. It was dark by the time he was buried, but I didn't leave his side. We spent 14 hours together outside the first day I had him; I am prepared to spend many more at his feet, remembering my best friend fondly.
I am SO SO SO sorry for your loss. Pets are part of the family. : (
but.. I hate to be a b***h in your sad thread... but he was not murdered, and you dont' know that it was a selfish son of a b***h that ran him over. He was a stray dog allowed to run in the street .. not even missed until the next day. I know if I so much as run over a squirrel I'm sobbing...
Quoting snglemama:" I am SO SO SO sorry for your loss. Pets are part of the family. : ( but.. I hate to be a b***h in ... [snip!] ... allowed to run in the street .. not even missed until the next day. I know if I so much as run over a squirrel I'm sobbing... "
Sure, it wasn't an illegal killing, but it was a killing. The driver was selfish though. The speed limit is so unreasonably low on the street where it happened and there is never any traffic, so it wouldn't have been an inconvenience for the driver to go around him.
I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a family pet is such a hard thing to go through. I lost my dog nearly 8 years ago through an illness. He was my best friend and I miss him so much still. For your situation if it were me driving that car I would feel like a murderer. Maybe the driver couldn't miss the dog without causing a crash with others, I don't know but me, myself I would hold that with me forever. Over here it has to be reported if a dog gets knocked down. Don't know the consequences of failing to report but I know there are consequences. Again sorry for your loss.
Quoting ♥ Stef ♥:" I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a family pet is such a hard thing to go through. I lost my dog nearly ... [snip!] ... knocked down. Don't know the consequences of failing to report but I know there are consequences. Again sorry for your loss."
Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss as well. Did you have to put him down or did the illness take him?
I understand situations where there's no way around hitting the animal without endangering yourself or others on the road, but at least in this particular instance, I know that couldn't have been the case. No one is ever on the road and the speed limit is lower than most, which would have made it easier for the driver to slow down and either go around Buddi or wait for him to cross. Hell, if I saw a dog with tags on walking by the side of the road and there were no cars coming behind me, I'd get out and see what the tags said and bring the dog back home. Unfortunately, I don't think the majority of people would to the same.
Sorry for your loss. I felt the same when my cat got run over. I had seen her be born and she had been my closet friend for 13 years.
Quoting Lauren ♥:" Sorry for your loss. I felt the same when my cat got run over. I had seen her be born and she had been my closet friend for 13 years."
Cars really suck sometimes. I hate how many lives have been taken by them - animal and human alike.
<blockquote><b>Quoting kr.r:</b>" Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss as well. Did you have to put him down or did the illness take ... [snip!] ... and see what the tags said and bring the dog back home. Unfortunately, I don't think the majority of people would to the same."</blockquote>
He had to be put down. He was unwell for quite a while but thankfully we got to have a lovely weekend away together (he was my dad and step mums dog) and had a lot of quality time.
I would have done the same as you. Stopped and checked out for tags. But here it needs to be reported so I would have got in touch with police and vets if there were no tags - most are microchipped. For me not stopping is like hit and run. I don't know how people can do that - whether it be a person or an animal. I care too much about others to walk away and not care.
I'm sorry for your loss!
I remember when I was a kid I was in the car when my dad hit a cat. :( It was terrible. The cat literally ran out in front of our car. My dad didn't have time to respond, or anything. We hardly even knew what we had hit until we stopped the car and checked it out. It's a rural road with a fast speed limit, though. Animals get hit a lot on rural roads.
I don't know what illness took him. My dad didn't tell me. Me and dh have a cat now but it took me 7 years to feel brave enough to have a family pet again. The heartache of losing them is one you don't get over.
Quoting ♥ Stef ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting kr.r:</b>" Thank you, and I'm sorry for your loss as well. ... [snip!] ... know how people can do that - whether it be a person or an animal. I care too much about others to walk away and not care."
It's good he went out on such a good note, spending time with his family like that.
I wish it was like that over here with the reporting. I don't think we have anything like that, but I could be mistaken. I was thankful that my mother had found him. I couldn't imagine not knowing what had happened to him; even if he had been killed, I would want to know so I could get him, bring him home and bury him properly... not just leave him on the side of the road for other animals to pick at.
Quoting Zbornak:" I'm sorry for your loss! I remember when I was a kid I was in the car when my dad hit a cat. :( It was ... [snip!] ... stopped the car and checked it out. It's a rural road with a fast speed limit, though. Animals get hit a lot on rural roads. "
Thank you. I've seen animals run out so quickly that there's nothing the driver can do too. Buddi wasn't a runner though. He was a calm dog at the end of his life and hardly ever even ventured off of the sidewalk.
I hate when cars hit animals. :(
Quoting ♥ Stef ♥:" I don't know what illness took him. My dad didn't tell me. Me and dh have a cat now but it took me 7 ... [snip!] ... but it took me 7 years to feel brave enough to have a family pet again. The heartache of losing them is one you don't get over."
That's exactly how I feel. I've tried to explain it to my SO, who wants a dog for our family, but I don't think he quite grasps it. I don't want to welcome another dog into my life right now - maybe not ever.
<blockquote><b>Quoting snglemama:</b>" I am SO SO SO sorry for your loss. Pets are part of the family. : ( but.. I hate to be a b***h in ... [snip!] ... allowed to run in the street .. not even missed until the next day. I know if I so much as run over a squirrel I'm sobbing... "</blockquote>
I am so sorry:'-(.Rest in peace sweet pup.