Reply
Another angel baby... Miss. Tiff Due November 20; 33 kids; Odessa, Missouri 2874 posts
Oct 6th '11

So august 16 I took a pregnancy test which surprisingly was positive. The hubby & I & everyone was soo exited. We'd been ttc for 10 months. I had my first u/s at 8weeks baby measured 7 weeks 5 days & had a heart beat. Then I opted for the nt scan that my dr offered, simply to see my baby not the results. So I was very excited I was 11 weeks 4 days. The baby would look like a baby this time. My daughter & husband came with that day. As soon as the tech put the u/s on my tummy i couldn't see anything I was speechless everyone silent kept looking & there was no baby. I began shaking & crying bc I knew, this was familiar to me., it wasn't good news. My baby shouldve been easily visible at the point. So the tech had me empty my bladder (for a vag u/s) & while in the bathroom I tried desperately to collect my self, pick up the pieces & realize what I had to face again. I had no cramping no bleeding no signs that anything was wrong. I picked my self up & headed back to the u/s room. There we seen my baby just as tiny as id last seen it. No heart beat no blood flow, no life. :( All I could do was cry, thinking this is happening again, all over. Dr came & verified what the tech had seen & told me what I'd already knew. Discussed my options which I decided on a d&c. That day I ran around in the motions of life but my heart & mind could barely function. Next morning I had my surgery. It's been 2 days I'm coping well & physically healing fast. I have my moments where I cry. I don't have much to look forward to no growing belly no finding the gender & no planning on meeting my child. I feel things happen for a reason but I feel angry bc I know another woman that was close in due date & would drink a6 six pack of beer & say "I'm barely pregnant" & here I am trying to do the right things & Im the one to lose. I had already lost one baby in 2008 & prayed it wouldn't happen again.... I'm just confused. I try to stay positive about losing more weight & ttc again but really I just wish I didn't have to start over, & lose my baby.

SunDropBootyPop 1 child; New Windsor, New York 34173 posts
Oct 6th '11

I'm so sorry :(

MissMommy20 2 kids; Michigan 317 posts
Oct 6th '11

Im sorry to hear about your lose

Miss. Tiff Due November 20; 33 kids; Odessa, Missouri 2874 posts
Oct 6th '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting night nurse:</b>" I'm so sorry :("</blockquote>



Thank you. I feel like I need to move on & should butat the same time, I feel bad. I don't want to feel mad at others for being pregnant when I'm not. I try to look happy but not really, feel happy.

Meli ❤ 1 child; Don't worry about it, CA, United States 31152 posts
Oct 6th '11

I am so sorry that must be devastating :(

shajenni TTC since Oct 2012; 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Dubbo, Australia 1108 posts
Oct 6th '11

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know all to well the feeling that you had when having the ultrasound and having to compose myself in the bathroom before going back into the room for the (vag u/s) and I hope and pray that I dont have to go through it ever again.
I also hope and pray that you dont have to go through it ever again.



praying that you heal quickly and that you have all the support that you need at this horrid time.

Miss. Tiff Due November 20; 33 kids; Odessa, Missouri 2874 posts
Oct 6th '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting shajenni:</b>" I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know all to well the feeling that you had when having the ultrasound ... [snip!] ... go through it ever again. praying that you heal quickly and that you have all the support that you need at this horrid time."</blockquote>




Thank you. Very much. I never wanted to experience it the first time & def not the second time. :(
we're planning on ttc soon & trying to stay busy & positive, who knower what else can ya do? Ya know ? I can't change anything.

shajenni TTC since Oct 2012; 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Dubbo, Australia 1108 posts
Oct 6th '11
Quoting Miss. Tiff:" <blockquote><b>Quoting shajenni:</b>" I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know all to ... [snip!] ... we're planning on ttc soon & trying to stay busy & positive, who knower what else can ya do? Ya know ? I can't change anything."


thats the only thing you can do. It helped alot that I already had my son I ended up having the thaught that if I dont have anymore that I always have my wonderful little man. we left trying for another baby untill I think it was like 10 or so months later (I was not really ready untill then.) and it didnt take to long to fall again and I couldnt bring myself to go back to the same place for my ultrasounds this time but thankfully all has been great this time around.



I pray that your little family will be ready soon and that all will be well.
sending hugs.

Miss. Tiff Due November 20; 33 kids; Odessa, Missouri 2874 posts
Oct 7th '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting shajenni:</b>" thats the only thing you can do. It helped alot that I already had my son I ended up having the thaught ... [snip!] ... has been great this time around. I pray that your little family will be ready soon and that all will be well. sending hugs."</blockquote>



Thank you for sharing & your kind words. It helps. I've also put that in my head, if I don't ever have a another baby I'll be happy that I've been blessed once. But I'd really like another child to make my family feel complete. I don't know how long or how many times well try but til then well stay positive til we can't take any more heart break, I guess.

shajenni TTC since Oct 2012; 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Dubbo, Australia 1108 posts
Oct 7th '11
Quoting Miss. Tiff:" <blockquote><b>Quoting shajenni:</b>" thats the only thing you can do. It helped ... [snip!] ... know how long or how many times well try but til then well stay positive til we can't take any more heart break, I guess."


you're welcome. there is really nothing quite like having someone to talk to who has been through the same thing. hope you are feeling a little better today and if you need to chat feel free to msg me.
hugs.

Miss. Tiff Due November 20; 33 kids; Odessa, Missouri 2874 posts
Oct 7th '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting shajenni:</b>" you're welcome. there is really nothing quite like having someone to talk to who has been through the ... [snip!] ... has been through the same thing. hope you are feeling a little better today and if you need to chat feel free to msg me. hugs."</blockquote>



Yes that's true. I have my down moments like when I look down at my belly & have to remind myself theres no more baby, in there. :(

Meli ❤ 1 child; Don't worry about it, CA, United States 31152 posts
Oct 8th '11
Quoting Miss. Tiff:" <blockquote><b>Quoting shajenni:</b>" you're welcome. there is really nothing quite ... [snip!] ... that's true. I have my down moments like when I look down at my belly & have to remind myself theres no more baby, in there. :("


I'm sorry :( ugh just hearing that makes me wanna cry because I could only imagine how it feels :(

Miss. Tiff Due November 20; 33 kids; Odessa, Missouri 2874 posts
Oct 8th '11

<blockquote><b>Quoting M.e.l.i.s.s.a:</b>" I'm sorry :( ugh just hearing that makes me wanna cry because I could only imagine how it feels :("</blockquote>



sometimes I'm ok & others I'm not. :( I feel that things happen for a reason but that doesn't make it less confusing less painful. Ya know? I don't want to wonder I don't want to cry I just want to move on.... But saying that thinking that hurts bc I am not happy that I lost my baby but want passed the newly created wound in my heart.

Meli ❤ 1 child; Don't worry about it, CA, United States 31152 posts
Oct 8th '11
Quoting Miss. Tiff:" <blockquote><b>Quoting M.e.l.i.s.s.a:</b>" I'm sorry :( ugh just hearing that makes ... [snip!] ... But saying that thinking that hurts bc I am not happy that I lost my baby but want passed the newly created wound in my heart."


Yea I could only imagine I would tell myself it was in god's hands and he needed another angel :) just keep your head up I know it is hard any loss is hard it is even more hard when it is your own child, that is a whole other kind of sadness

Miss. Tiff Due November 20; 33 kids; Odessa, Missouri 2874 posts
Oct 8th '11
Quoting M.e.l.i.s.s.a:" Yea I could only imagine I would tell myself it was in god's hands and he needed another angel :) just ... [snip!] ... up I know it is hard any loss is hard it is even more hard when it is your own child, that is a whole other kind of sadness"


Thank you. I'm really tryin but you know sometimes sadness just comes over me..... I know that it was b/c baby was healthy enough but still... and it hurts knowing when I TRIED doing everything by the "rules" while another mother (i know) can sit and down more than a 6pack of beer and say "i'm barely pregnant" and she get to keep hers.