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sratrat 1 child; Surprise, Arizona 13558 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting BubbyAndShmee:" I did read it, and thank you for educating me, but I still think that throwing your own shower is a little ... [snip!] ... to me... That's just me though, and to each their own. Sorry, kidding and butthurt sound a lot alike without any intonation."

hard to tell over the internet sometimes. Your second response said you were "getting attacked" lol seemed a bit odd. So its ok to scream give me stuff to family :wink:

CARIBOO 1 child; Washington 1044 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting BubbyAndShmee:" I did read it, and thank you for educating me, but I still think that throwing your own shower is a little ... [snip!] ... to me... That's just me though, and to each their own. Sorry, kidding and butthurt sound a lot alike without any intonation."

I think baby showers should be small and intimate...Huge baby showers are tacky and scream "give me stuff" first kids or not thrown by you or someone else.I don't think OP was planning to invite everyone she's ever met since she was three.

SlinksterCool TTC since Jul 2011; 17 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 2070 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting sratrat:" hard to tell over the internet sometimes. Your second response said you were "getting attacked" lol seemed a bit odd. So its ok to scream give me stuff to family :wink: "

Honestly, I understand how horrible that sounds, but inviting a whole bunch of, say, SO's co-workers that you've never met, or something similar, is inappropriate, especially for a second or subsequent shower. If it's just a family gathering it's a bit more in the grey area, and I'm more willing to be flexible.

Momof4Princesses Due April 24; 4 kids; St Petersburg, Florida 395 posts
Mar 18th '11

No its no problem I planned my own with our second daughter;-)....
Congratulations! I'm due May 20th.

sratrat 1 child; Surprise, Arizona 13558 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting BubbyAndShmee:" Honestly, I understand how horrible that sounds, but inviting a whole bunch of, say, SO's co-workers ... [snip!] ... or subsequent shower. If it's just a family gathering it's a bit more in the grey area, and I'm more willing to be flexible."


i think inviting people you don't even know is somewhat inappropriate either way. To me a shower is a shower no matter who did the planning for it. Its just something fun to do and who doesn't like a good party? I think some people act way to stuck up over these things.

SlinksterCool TTC since Jul 2011; 17 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 2070 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting sratrat:" i think inviting people you don't even know is somewhat inappropriate either way. To me a shower is ... [snip!] ... it. Its just something fun to do and who doesn't like a good party? I think some people act way to stuck up over these things. "

A party is great, maybe a welcome the baby party, or just a 'hang out with me before I have another one' party. I did a pot luck with my second pregnancy and told everyone I didn't need gifts, but if they wanted to bring something then a easy-to-freeze dinner, or diapers would be plenty. Because some people will bring gifts no matter what you tell them. And that's ok. But no matter how you slice it, the true intent of a 'baby shower' is to get things for the new baby. It's just a matter of preference.



The only thing I took issue with, was asking what other people thought, and being offended when they told her. If she felt strongly enough to throw herself a party, other people's opinions don't matter. But if a person is going to ask an etiquette question, they should be prepared for an Emily Post answer. The part that bugged me, was her saying that the ladies giving their opinions that it's tacky were being rude. She asked for opinions, and seems to have gotten offended at the answers she was given.

sratrat 1 child; Surprise, Arizona 13558 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting BubbyAndShmee:" A party is great, maybe a welcome the baby party, or just a 'hang out with me before I have another one' ... [snip!] ... that it's tacky were being rude. She asked for opinions, and seems to have gotten offended at the answers she was given."


I think she just wanted approval and support in her decision to have her own. Shes a mother of 3 and soon to be 4. This is her first girl and shes never had a shower. I think she deserves a shower and she isn't tacky at all. I don't think gifts should ever be required for any party or event. So, no matter what you call it its still celebrating the new child and gifts are welcome.

SlinksterCool TTC since Jul 2011; 17 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 2070 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting sratrat:" I think she just wanted approval and support in her decision to have her own. Shes a mother of 3 and ... [snip!] ... be required for any party or event. So, no matter what you call it its still celebrating the new child and gifts are welcome. "

That's how I think a baby shower should be, too, but so many people think it should be like a birthday party, where everyone should bring a present, or they shouldn't bother coming. If she wanted approval and support then asking that kind of question, that people were bound to argue about, probably wasn't the easiest way to get it.

sratrat 1 child; Surprise, Arizona 13558 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting BubbyAndShmee:" That's how I think a baby shower should be, too, but so many people think it should be like a birthday ... [snip!] ... support then asking that kind of question, that people were bound to argue about, probably wasn't the easiest way to get it."


According to one other girl on here presents are required at a shower as long as its thrown by someone other than yourself. Making that the main focus is tacky lol But she thinks its proper etiquette. Even at a birthday I dont think everyone has to bring a present.

Nicole Holstein Due August 20; 1 child; West Virginia 38 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting Fatty McButterpants:" If no one wanted to throw me one I would assume no one would really be interested in coming either. ... [snip!] ... the mom with gifts, and if the mom is the host AND the guest of honor she's asking for gifts for herself. And that's rude."


I thought baby showers are there to "shower the baby with love!" not gifts...... but seriously how can you honestly say the gifts are for the mom anyways! I mean every single baby shower I have gone to they buy clothes for the baby, diapers for the baby, anything etc for the baby. I never seen a gift at a baby shower that was for the mom! If I didnt get a shower the first 3 times I had a kid I would be taking a stand and throwing one myself. And she isn't throwing one by herself she said her friend is helping, so maybe the problem was from the beginning none of her friends can afford to throw a shower for her. My husbands family is throwing mine and from what they are telling me it's pretty expensive stuff to get!!!!

SlinksterCool TTC since Jul 2011; 17 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 2070 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting sratrat:" According to one other girl on here presents are required at a shower as long as its thrown by someone ... [snip!] ... main focus is tacky lol But she thinks its proper etiquette. Even at a birthday I dont think everyone has to bring a present. "

I don't think they should, and neither does etiquette, but most people act entitled, and that's the part of it that bothers me.



&@ Nicole Holstein: It's supposed to be that way, and you're right, the gifts ARE for the baby, but in the respect that it makes the mom's life easier, or saves some expense for the mom, it could be said that the mother is neing selfish by asking for things.

sratrat 1 child; Surprise, Arizona 13558 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting BubbyAndShmee:" I don't think they should, and neither does etiquette, but most people act entitled, and that's the part ... [snip!] ... mom's life easier, or saves some expense for the mom, it could be said that the mother is neing selfish by asking for things."


who wouldn't want to get "showered" with gifts? I think anyone would or else there wouldn't be such a thing as a baby shower, bridal shower, gift registries. So anyone who has ever wanted gifts is in some way selfish anyway. Also, who wouldn't want to help an expecting mother prepare for her baby? If my friend threw her own shower Id be thrilled to go and bring a gift. I wouldn't give her and her unborn child the cold shoulder based off some outdated etiquette rule.

Chena Hunter-Lawrence Due November 13; 3 kids; Clarksville, Indiana 17 posts
Mar 18th '11

I think so. When I tried to plan my own babyshow when I had the twins in 06', everyone told me how rude I was. So they threw my a suprise babyshower a week before my "planned" babyshower, it was a nice suprise. I don't even know what's going to happen with this baby. Do you think I should have one?

natasha_apolei Due October 14; 2 kids; Missouri 6 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting Motherof 4:" Im pregnant with my 4 child...a girl, and I have 3 boys. This will be my last child and my very first ... [snip!] ... me downs. My shower is April 9th and im due May 22nd. If you have any ideas or suggestions please feel free to comment. Thanks!"


How do I post I can't find a place where I can post things

SlinksterCool TTC since Jul 2011; 17 kids; Caldwell, Idaho 2070 posts
Mar 18th '11
Quoting sratrat:" who wouldn't want to get "showered" with gifts? I think anyone would or else there wouldn't be such ... [snip!] ... to go and bring a gift. I wouldn't give her and her unborn child the cold shoulder based off some outdated etiquette rule. "

As would I, I just made the mistake of assuming OP had that same crappy view of baby showers just being for getting things. My apologies to the OP if this was wrong. I believe that a second (or more) baby shower can be a good thing, as long as the focus is just getting things. I just have a tendency to jump to conclusions a bit, and that my own fault. Sorry to anyone I offended.