There are a lot of things that people say to someone who is grieving a loss. They are often trying to be kind, but there really is no excuse for harming someone because of not thinking things through. So I'm compiling a list here of things that people say or have said in the midst of grieving, and why it is hurtful.
I understand that not all of these things will be hurtful to all people who are the recipiant of them, but they could be.
I intend to inject as much humor as possible here, as there is still humor in death. Laughter is good medicine.
Feel free to post additions, but please stay respectful of people's loss. Irreverence and SELF-depreciation are fine, but disrespect of each other not so much.
Also, remember that anger is an easy emotion, and a cover for a lot of other more complicated emotions. Those grief stricken are often touchy as hell. Most people intend only well, but it doesn
I didn't bother reading anything after I got to "there is still humor in death". Talk about what not to say to people who are grieving.
So what should we say?
I think people just want to try and help or lend their condolensces.
Quoting Amanda & Princess:
# at least you wont have to worry about him/her anymore.
I'm sorry :(
I've always hated "only the good die young".
Aww... you can always have another baby later on.. That won really pisses me off.
Quoting Ur Local Frnt Desk Clrk:
or "you've had him/been with him for a long time"
Yeah exactly, which makes it WORSE not better. . I woulda liked him around for a lot longer too. It doesnt make it easier if people have been together for a long time, its harder! you share eerything in your lives together, you have a routine and then its all gone. you lose the future too.
"It will be ok"
No, it won't. It's never going to be OKAY. That is the most irritating.
I think people just dont know what to say. And when they grasp at things it comes out all wrong. Dont hold it against them, they are probably hurting *nothting like you but still* too and are all mixed up.