Re-learning your worth with the help from true love.

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I have woken up countless times in the past, gasping for reasons why I live the life that I do. I lost a baby at 18, and married and divorced all by 24. My father wasn't always there for me as a child, and my parents divorced when I was really young. It's hard not to think that these are all things that are faulted by me. We live in a world, where now more than ever "fairytales," are things a lot of people think exist. I have never really grasped why. I believe life is as 'magical' as you make it. 

Over the course of the last year, I have slowly grown to accept myself. The things that I do, the things that I have, and the things that I cannot change. Most people hide behind everything they are. I was one of them. I hated the way that I looked, the way that I acted, and the way I just existed. I never really had anyone who would tell me how amazing their life was just having me in it. I was married for a year and a half. My husband talked down to not only me, but my now 5 year old. That takes a toll on a persons mind. Not only did I live thinking I wasn't good enough to make someone happy, but I think my son felt the same way. 

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I got out of that situation. I slowly realized I didn't have to "settle" with someone who incapable of loving or being loved. I was okay with that. I told myself, my son and my life will be better, even if that meant I would spend the rest of my life alone. Shortly after the initial separation, I didn't have to think that way. I met a MAN who was better than anything I had ever imagined. No Prince Charming could hold a candle to him. He constantly reassured me. We fell in love. We are in love. He tells me how beautiful I am, and how happy I make him. He tells me how blessed he is to have me in his life. Not only does he tell me these things, but he tells my son how much he loves him, and means to him. How awesome of a person he is. 

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Seeing your child happy with someone who makes you the happiest you've ever been is amazing. Seeing them do things together, whether it be throwing a ball in the park or just watching TV together, is a feeling of joy I never expected to have. Over the course of the last almost year, I have been constantly reassured of how amazing I am. How much I have impacted a life, for the better. Honestly, I never knew how much I could affect a life. 

Hearing this made me take another look at myself. Maybe I am worth it. Maybe, just maybe, I am just as amazing as anyone else. I don't have to be a super model, or a millionaire, to make someone love me, or to love myself. I am just as good just being me. Slowly those maybes are turning into sure things. 

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One GIANT change in my life, my divorce, and meeting the man of my dreams, turned my life into my form of fairytale. I now wake up feeling good enough. I feel like I can do anything. Never in my life, did I ever invasion being so happy with myself. I have the perfect little family, with all of the love I will ever need. I now think of myself as a person who has options. A person, who can do anything. I am not limited to the person that someone used to tell me I was. 

Although I now realize that I am just as good as anyone else, I couldn't have done it without the one person who wakes up daily and thinks of me as their entire world. I am beyond blessed to have him in my life, and so is my son. I now can look forward to every day with them. I will be happy. Completely, 100% happy. Sure I still have my days just like everyone else, where I feel fat, and gross, and everything else women experience. Even on those days I still get "you're the most beautiful and amazing women ever," and that is good enough for me. I am not saying I would have never realized my worth, but it came a lot easier with him. 

I am so thankful for my life. I have all that I need. I owe it to the two boys that mean the world to me. That make me feel like I'm everything. Everyone should be able to feel like this. It's truly a blessing.

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This blog may not hold meaning to anyone but me, but if you take one thing away from it, let it be that YOU ARE ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH. Nobody is better than anybody. We are all special and we all impact someone, on way or another. Love yourself, and love each other. 

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2 Comments
Amy Larsen Jun 4th '14

What a wonderful story. ...there is always hope for us all.

AwesomeWierdo Jun 16th '14

Awww that is awesome! I hope to find someone like this one day.