Am I Pretty Now?

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 When I was growing up my mom was always one of those moms that constantly told me how pretty I was,even when I was covered in mud from head to toe lol. She taught me early on to not care about everything that people thought about me, and if they were worth being in your life they would like you for you. Unfortunately it didn't stick....through elementary school I didn't care then by 7th grade I became a people pleaser...I had to look,act,be a certain way. I would not leave the doors of my house even just to take a 2 mile walk without having my hair done and my makeup on.I met my 1st boyfriend who would later end up being my husband when I was 14 and I had a few guys interested in me so I thought I was obviously doing something right,because I was being noticed for the first time in my life!!

  So that stuck with me I was super skinny and life was good. My mom still kept telling me how pretty I was and how I didn't always have to have my makeup on and hair done,I could just be comfortable with my self and be pretty anyways.

 My mom has hardly ever worn makeup as long as I can remember she would wear it for very special occasions and church on Sundays and she was always overweight but even to this day she doesn't look a day over 30 and she's almost 50 and I think she is beautiful :) Anyways I still thought things were going great with me and then I got married to my husband at 18 as soon as I graduated high school,I was on cloud9 I had somebody that loved me no matter what I looked like, I was set and I didn't care about makeup and having my hair done so much and then I started gaining I started being hard on myself again.

  My daughter came a year after we got married.I blamed having a baby on why I didn't have time to do makeup or do anything more to my hair then throw it up in a ponytail and my self esteem went further downhill and I gained more weight. Finally I decided to lose weight and get back to where I wanted to be and then a month later found out I was expecting baby #2 and sadly we lost that pregnancy at 11 weeks along, but I decided I was gonna do it anyways I was gonna be happier with myself and I tried a little bit but didn't see much progress then 4 months later I found out I was pregnant again and I had a hard pregnancy and gained a lot of weight but I got a beautiful baby boy out of it lol. Well with that pregnancy and the months after my self esteem got bad, I talked to my husband,myself,the kids just about anyone that would listen about how ugly I was and all these things that needed changing,how badly I needed to get back into wearing makeup and needed my hair done,it was bad.

 My ultimatum came when my daughter who was 2 at the time she's now 3.5 was standing on a stool in front of the mirror while I was doing her hair and when I finished I said "alright beautiful I'm done" she then looked at me with the most serious expression on her face and said " Am I pretty now?"I told her she was pretty no matter what and why did she think that? She just kept saying you have to have your hair done to be pretty.I told her she didn't have to have her hair done to be pretty, that she was beautiful no matter what.d5c460c7c6a40d139aee7284db0191f3.jpg Then I realized she has been picking up on what she's heard me say about myself and even at 2 years old she thought she had to look a certain way to be pretty and it broke my heart,so from that day on I never said a negative thing about myself because I didn't want her growing up thinking that way. There is already plenty of stuff at school,out in public,tv,magazines,and online that is telling our kids they need to look and be a certain way,they shouldn't have to hear it at home too. It's our jobs as parents to build our kids self esteem and it's not just our girls that need it, our boys need it too. They have to look a certain way,be a certain weight,have certain size muscles,and many other things and it causes a lot of problems for our kids in school and whatever else.Time to be a example for our kids, and I'm talking to myself as well when I say that,and we need to watch what we say around them because they start picking up on those things very young.fbd7eab1b2b6eb7e8f91495c149745c3.jpg       
Thanks for reading goodbye!!

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Adl Holden May 8th '14

Just wanted to say thanks for the reminder. I was the same as you. Very skinny and pretty all growing up. Met my husband at 14 got married at 20 etc. Then I started gaining weight, then came baby after baby. Then two in less then two years...needless to say I'm 45# more then in high school and 25# then when I got married. Pregnancy changed my hair texture and are my face skin. So not inky gave I given up sports, hobbies etc but I'm far and ugly now. I totally understand where your coming from! I need to remind myself not to say anything in front of my kids.

Mommy to B&B May 9th '14

No problem I was glad I could help remind somebody :) it sucks when our body changes so much :(

MamiK May 10th '14

Umm Why is this one looong paragraph? If it was formatted a little better, more people might want to read it. Just sayin'

Mommy to B&B May 11th '14

Because I wrote it quickly and it's got more views then the ones I do format,oh and my 18 month old was " helping" me while I wrote it lol sorry you don't like it.

Mommy to B&B May 11th '14

I will try to redo it later this week thanks for bringing it to my attention

mishtol May 19th '14

I'm so touched with your blog. It is evident today that there is this high standard of beauty referring to tall, straight hair more like model types. It is definitely a misleading perception of beauty. You actually brought me back to the dove advocacy of real beauty. You're post is a lesson to every mom feeling bad and discouraged about their pregnancy especially if there are quacks and ugly comments going around them. The same thing happened to me. I feel irritated and unwanted since I'm gaining weight and my pregnancy was just horrible yet I'm a mom and I should take care of myself to keep my kids confident that what they see in me are good and desirable which they'll emanate. I believe you're a great mom having realized that you are the big influence in your daughter's life.

MeganReneXoXo Jun 5th '14

I loved reading this. I've always struggled with my weight and my appearance. My husband tries to tell me all the time how beautiful I am and that I'm so down on myself, but of course, I dont listen. Especially now that I'm almost 6 months pregnant, and I'm gaining even more weight. I felt like I needed to read this as a reminder that we are made the way we are suppose to be. I would never want my daughter to feel the way I feel about myself. So the only solution is to be better to myself and teach her to do the same to herself. Thank you for posting this. I really needed it.

Mommy to B&B Jun 11th '14

I'm glad I have been able to help y'all with this:) I feel very strongly about and I'm glad I'm reaching out to some of y'all!!