The Baby-Number Dilemma

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When you’re done having kids but your other half isn’t…

For a very long time, I always told myself I didn’t want more than 2 children. I had a lot of reasons for that thinking too… I wanted my kids to have a sibling, I want to go back to work when they're school aged and not have to pay for childcare because ONE of them is still at home, I like smaller cars and want a Mustang at some point, I have enough room in this house for 2, vacations are cheaper for 2 than it is for 3 or more, bills are cheaper, and it’s a nice, even number.

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Ok, so only some of those are serious.

Anyways, I wanted 2 kids. I was the oldest of two, there was no ‘middle child’ thing to worry about between me and my brother, we lived a comfortable lifestyle.

When I got pregnant with Rayne, that was baby number 1...and at the time, I was thinking, one and done! And then...I got pregnant with Chloe, and there was this overwhelming sense of relief… I was done, this was it. This was my last go-round at this, I was done.

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Then, when we found out the gender… I still wanted to be done, the gender didn't matter at all. Mike… he wanted a boy too. All of a sudden… we weren’t done anymore. And this feeling of dread washed over me. I was ready to be done… I wanted to save for a tummy tuck at some point, but I refuse to do it until I’m finished with kids because… what’s the point of repairing the damage from my C-Sections if I’m just going to have another C-Section, you know?

As each month went by, I bottled it up… I wanted to be DONE. My body was going through hell this time… from placenta previa to pinched spinal nerves to blackouts and dizzy spells and constant vomiting… I was in hell this time. I couldn’t sleep, barely ate. And he wanted to do this all over again?

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More and more dread being bottled up. I wanted to get my tubes tied and never worry about hormonal birth control again… Now I had to use the pill again.

Then, Chloe was born.

The first week was hell, I was in pain, I was tired, I was taking care of a newborn and a toddler… Mike lost his job in week 2, although he did find a new, better job less than a week later… Stress piled up like a trash heap. And he wanted more at some point?

Like this, but less humorous...
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Then… she got sick. And so did Rayne. Both my girls got RSV, and it got pretty bad in Chloe.
Suddenly, the stress didn’t matter. All that mattered was making it all better for them. Rayne could have cold meds, but Chloe had to suffer through it and deal with it. She took it like a trooper. But, it made me realize… I didn’t initially want her either… When I had first gotten pregnant with Rayne and had her, I decided that SHE was enough, that one was a perfect number, better for vacations and better for all the same reasons that I say now I only want 2.
Now, both of my girls are my world. I can’t imagine life without them.

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So, if later in life, we talk… and he wants another one…I’m way more open to it than I was… say… a month ago. Because things change, and as kids get older, it gets a bit easier and the idea of a new baby isn’t as daunting as it was before.

So do I want another child right now?

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Hell to the no.

But, I am open to future negotiations. And I’ll leave it at that.


Have you ever doubted how many kids you wanted? When did you decide you were done?

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3 Comments
Trey&Genesis'momma Apr 28th '14

Yeah I kind of dealt with the same stuff. I mean I have ALWAYS wanted four children, ever since I was a small girl. That was the number of kids my parents had as well except one of my sisters left this world at 2 months old due to SIDS. When I reached two kids, people were all like, "Hey you can stop now. You got lucky with one boy and one girl which is what most people want." Yeah no, we decided to have our third which was ANOTHER girl and while I love her, I had always said I would rather have all boys than have more than one girl based off the hateful relationship I have with my own(surviving sister) We almost stopped after her because my pregnancy was pretty rough and my uterus was super thin and they were worried about uterine rupture. But we finally chose against it after getting a second opinion. When we had our last baby, I got my tubes tied finally. But now I am kind of starting to regret it. I don't really want more kids but my son was a spontaneous triplet and we ended up losing his twins in utero which has completely shattered me. I think that is the only reason I really am having doubts about no longer being able to conceive any more though.

Garen Michelle Apr 30th '14

I can totally relate. My Husband has 3 children from the previous marriage, i had none. He didn't necessarily tell me he wouldn't have babies with me but he wasn't thrilled at the idea in my opinion. He knew that i wanted children and that it wouldn't work between us if he denied that of me. 2 1/2 yrs later we conceived a baby boy. I was perfectly content for almost 3yrs anyways. I then decided i wanted my son to have a full blood sibling that would be with him forever, like my big brother and myself. This was a shock to hubby. He said no no no, we don't need any more kids. Well that to me felt like a deal breaker. It broke my heart and spirit, he saw this and gave in without a word very quickly. So i had my son and had conceived a baby girl. How perfect! I now have EVERYTHING God made a healthy boy and a healthy girl. I only wish i would had gotten a tubal ligation during my c section. We had been talking about scheduling his vasectomy. Then all of a sudden he was back on a baby making quest. I have been saying I'm done since baby was born. I hate to say it but i was not totally thrilled or shocked when I found out that I'm now pregnant. Again... :) Good news is im getting fixed this time. Lol I will love this baby as much as the last. This baby is My husband and I and i know after 8 years it's still meant to be.

hk09 May 4th '14

I don't care the genders I'm only having two!! Lol