Great Expectations

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c6aeed261b510014733e836db6ad03b5.jpgGuilt…the ever present motivator in my life! House isn’t clean enough, dinner not ready ontime, laundry not complete, haven’t started that Pinterest craft, haven’t made homemade Play-dough with my kids….and on and on! However, I think the greatest amount of my guilt comes when I yell at my children! Why would I yell at these precious gifts from God? Because I’m human.Consequently, I feel sure that all mothers feel this way, but for me, it is overwhelming sometimes because these children were no accident, they were not easily attained (and before you jump down my throat that you still love your children very much although they weren’t necessarily planned), mine were planned down to the selected sperm, egg, and check amount. I prayed for SEVEN years to become a mother and I yell at them! This is my own struggle, my own internal battle…the conflict of my mother’s soul!
Guilt…it strangles me! And then not just guilt from yelling, but for missed opportunities of joy or realizing that technology stood in the way of loving my kids.For example, the other morning, my big one was trying to tell me something of great importance to him and instead of listening to him, I kept looking at my phone (I was on Facebook or reading the news) and I “spoke harshly” to him to hurry him up to get ready for school. I went in a few minutes later to find him crying and I asked why (very gruffly, mind you) and he said “I was trying to tell you something, but you were texting.”This struck a nerve, so I am trying to put technology away when my kids are awake and ready for their mom…Facebook and Pinterest can wait, my boys should not!

I expected to be the best mom ever! I never wanted to yell, spank, have a messy house, use guilt on my kids, or make any of the parenting mistakes I saw others make around me…after all, I had seven years to prepare. HA!I think I have committed EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM with a few extra thrown in for good measure and my big one is only 5! However, I strive every day to do things that make them smile and to not rush through every second of the day because I will NEVER get these moments back. Never again will my children be this age, they are always getting a little older, a little closer to not needing me anymore. Night before last was the “blood moon.” I woke up at 1:30 am CST to check its progress, I stayed awake until right before 2am and I then went and picked my five year old up out of his bed to take him outside to share that two minutes with him. Greatest two minutes of my day! On Sunday, I got to take him on a movie date, just the two of us! Best two hours of my weekend!Last week, I planted some extra flowers in some pots with both of the boys. There was potting soil EVERYWHERE, but it was the best ten minutes I had spent. And guess what? My big one told me after every one of these moments that I was the best mom ever! Melt my heart! He often tells me that “Mom, you’re the best!” I should record it so when he is 16 and I ground him from his car, I can listen to it and remember, but until then I am going to bask in the glow of a son’s love for his mom!

I am also attempting to squelch this guilt I feel from not always doing the right thing in the heat of the moment and try to do better the next moment. I am trying to slow down and truly enjoy my children and stop rush, rush, rushing. But when I hear “Mom, you’re the best!” I know I must be doing something right!

{Side note: the cover photo is from last summer, but notice the mess...I've been working on this no guilt thing for awhile, however, also notice the blue tongues...we had just come home from the pool and we stopped for snowcones on the way home!  Little moments, big memories...great expectations!}



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MrsJava Apr 18th '14

Aww!! your boys are soo cute! i am right there with you momma! its so easy to be distracted by pinterest and BG. its hard to not want to do what you want to do or even clean when it needs done. Good for you for realizing that and putting your babies first! this article almost made me cry because it's so true. They grow way too fast and we miss so much of it. your an inspiration momma!