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Miss-Maia's Mommy 2 kids; Ohio 1833 posts
Jul 26th '12
Quoting Mrs.Veronica Gonzales 2B.:" That's good ... I remember people telling me it takes a lot of patients to raise a child .... I would say yea yea I know I know ... I didn't know anything ... "


That's the best advice I've never heard. lol The only advice I got was, "You're gonna have to get a job now."
I wish I had someone close by to support me. I was always the one to sit back and watch everyone blow up on each other at home. I remember thinking about how stupid they all were for turning a small problem into a huge, plate throwing, "I'm leaving!" fight. And now with seeing my brother always so mad at his kids, spanking them for not staying still for a butt change & telling them to shut up. It annoys me, I always knew I couldn't be that way. Everyone thinks I'm stupid for it though like my kids going to end up in jail for not being "disciplined." Why do the majority of people not understand the concept or see that it's wrong? My real question is why do so many people think all kids are bad & annoying? The moment a mother actually believes their kid is bad and out to destroy their life is the moment they lose my respect. People need to understand that children are only learning, they dont become all knowing and evil by their first birthday. When they dump their food on the floor its just because they want to see what it does. They dont know it wont disappear next time or that gravity is pulling it down. And they dont know their parents as much as most think they should. So they test us to see how we react. When you react calmly & positively, you raise a calm, positive child. When you react loud and angry, you raise a loud, angry child.
Unless of course they have 5 siblings and just sit back and try to understand people like I did. lol But nobody wants their kid to think they're stupid.

:): 18 kids; California 80 posts
Jul 26th '12
Quoting Miss-Maia's Mommy:" That's the best advice I've never heard. lol The only advice I got was, "You're gonna have to get a ... [snip!] ... 5 siblings and just sit back and try to understand people like I did. lol But nobody wants their kid to think they're stupid. "


I agree but I must admit I do yell to much I really have to work on my temper ..... He's about to be two and he thinks he's invincible I get super bad anxiety and scream no!! what the hell are you doing !?! He tried to eat a thumb tack today, I caught him about to jump into the pool the other day, and he is for ever trying to do dangerous stunts ..... but over all my boy is such sweet and smart little guy ... and from what I hear he is easy to take of ... apparently he only acts up with us (mom &dad). ... the best advice I've ever heard was ... excuse my language .... "f**k everyone it's about your kid now ....." I didn't get it back then but I sure do now

♥ Colby [+2] 2 kids; Lubbock, Texas 2895 posts
Jul 26th '12

Apparently DH's parents have been telling him that we should be spanking DD. She is 2. He finally put his foot down and told them to mind their own business. He pointed out that she is the most well behaved two year old that we know. They totally agreed.



Go DH! :)

dream 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Linz, Ob, Austria 59820 posts
Jul 26th '12
Quoting ♥ Colby [+2]:" Apparently DH's parents have been telling him that we should be spanking DD. She is 2. He finally put ... [snip!] ... their own business. He pointed out that she is the most well behaved two year old that we know. They totally agreed. Go DH! :)"


if she's so well behaved,why would they even suggest spanking?! SMH I just don't get some people.
glad he stood up to them!

♥ Colby [+2] 2 kids; Lubbock, Texas 2895 posts
Jul 26th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting dream:</b>" if she's so well behaved,why would they even suggest spanking?! SMH I just don't get some people. glad he stood up to them!"</blockquote>




Because they are control freaks. Lol



I am too. He's a mama's boy. I never thought he would stand up to her.

Mara Due September 27 (girl); 2 kids; San Francisco, California 38965 posts
Aug 1st '12
Quoting dream:" well it will take some time to "un-do" some of the things she has already learned / picked up on. The ... [snip!] ... say it, but don't overreact to it. Pretend like she's saying "I'm thinking about it" and then continue the conversation calmly."


right on the money... damn dani, you're getting this parenting thing right!



just wait till finn hits three. your baby's whisperin' days will be numbered.



but YES. this is exactly right.

lil mommy of two (: Due October 13 (girl); Gonzales, Louisiana 4 posts
Aug 7th '12

Tylan wil be two next month;
He enjoys being put in time out, even hits & asks to be put in his corner! His father is a STRONG believer in spankings, but it breaks my heart thinking of actually hitting my little man. I had to begin tapping his hand, not hard, just to simply get his attention & calm him down long enough to listen and understand what he's doing & why it's wrong.

dream 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Linz, Ob, Austria 59820 posts
Aug 8th '12
Quoting Mara:" right on the money... damn dani, you're getting this parenting thing right! just wait till finn hits three. your baby's whisperin' days will be numbered. but YES. this is exactly right. "


thanks.
live and learn
I'll admit I'm better in theory than application though. I still have plenty to work on.
and I hope 3 is not the "terrible twos" that I seemed to have missed for the most part, since everyone is saying "watch out for age 3!" haha

The Biscuit Farmer. 2 kids; Vagina, Russian Federation 9128 posts
Aug 8th '12

Please give me suggestions on disciplining my two year old!



She's a tester, but more recently, it doesn't feel like that. It feels like she's just honestly forgetting what we've been telling her for a year now, what not to touch, how not to act (tantrums are terrible!) She has been physical with her tantrums, but now she's introducing throwing things, hitting, and a little bit of biting. Consistency is what we thrive on, and we've been VERY strict on that!



Her tantrums include head banging, kicking, hair pulling, screaming, biting, throwing things. She bruises herself a lot, and it's just embarrassing. Especially when we're out in public (how do I handle THAT?!), and I'm really at wit's end.

Sofie+#2 2 kids; Sheffield, So, United Kingdom 7799 posts
Aug 8th '12
Quoting The Biscuit Farmer.:" Please give me suggestions on disciplining my two year old! She's a tester, but more recently, it doesn't ... [snip!] ... a lot, and it's just embarrassing. Especially when we're out in public (how do I handle THAT?!), and I'm really at wit's end."


I think getting to the root of the tantrums is more important for right now. Do you notice a pattern of when she has them? You might want to try keeping a couple of days recorded in a diary so you can see what she's eating, the TV she's watching, the mood you're in, etc, and see if any patterns form.
Tantrums are a way of her trying to communicate with you when she can't verbalise her feelings, so they come out of frustration usually more than anything.



I don't have a ton of specific advice as I'm not at that stage in DD's life yet (only 4 months til her 2nd birthday though, *gulp*), but I do recommend reading 'The Happiest Toddler on the Block', as it really helps you relate to your toddler and understand the reasons for their different behaviours.
I hope another mama in here can give you some more specific advice.

The Biscuit Farmer. 2 kids; Vagina, Russian Federation 9128 posts
Aug 8th '12
Quoting Sofia's Mummy♥:" I think getting to the root of the tantrums is more important for right now. Do you notice a pattern ... [snip!] ... and understand the reasons for their different behaviours. I hope another mama in here can give you some more specific advice."

I'm going to have to check that book out. I've seen it suggested before, so it has to be worth it! I think a BIG part of her tantrums are the communication issues we have, but there's always a chance it's something else.

Sofie+#2 2 kids; Sheffield, So, United Kingdom 7799 posts
Aug 8th '12
Quoting The Biscuit Farmer.:" I'm going to have to check that book out. I've seen it suggested before, so it has to be worth it! I ... [snip!] ... it! I think a BIG part of her tantrums are the communication issues we have, but there's always a chance it's something else."


Communication issues sound like the ticket to be honest. The book Playful Parenting looks a lot at how to reconnect with your child, getting on their level, talking to them etc, even after a rough patch.

I'm Katie Texas 1 posts
Aug 8th '12

I am so glad that more and more parents are seeing that they never have to hit their children to teach their children! I have 3 kids and they never hit each other and when we go play with other sibling groups I see a lot of siblings who hit each other and I think it's because they are spanked and see hitting as a viable way to resolve an issue. My kids are not perfect but at least they are not physically aggressive.
I saw on a website, http://www.toddler-tips-and-tricks.com/toddler-discipline.html , where it talked about how the root word of discipline means disciple or pupil. So we need to remember that whatever we do to discipline our children is really all about teaching them, as if they were our pupil. Hitting them is not going to teach them the life skills they need. Consistent, loving, firm parenting will!

dream 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Linz, Ob, Austria 59820 posts
Aug 9th '12
Quoting The Biscuit Farmer.:" Please give me suggestions on disciplining my two year old! She's a tester, but more recently, it doesn't ... [snip!] ... a lot, and it's just embarrassing. Especially when we're out in public (how do I handle THAT?!), and I'm really at wit's end."


without a specific example, I can't give you a specific answer, but I noticed that you emphsized consistency. What I've found from my personal experience is that flexibility is important too. Instead of always having a consequence for a tantrum, try to get down on her level and talk to her. If she doesn't want to talk or is too far flung in what she is doing, try to give her a hug. If that doesn't calm her down, then give her some space to finish kicking or screaming or whatever she is doing, then try again. If she is physically hurting herself, then hold her in an embrace until she calms down.



At this point, it doesn't sound like punishing her for a tantrum or acting out will help the situation. Instead try to diffuse the situation or let it run it's course and then get to the root of the problem. Why did she get to the point where she had the temper tantrum in the first place? Was she tired? hungry? asking for attention? trying to tell you something but didn't know how? Don't try to fix the tantrum. Focus on finding the issue before the tantrum starts.

The Biscuit Farmer. 2 kids; Vagina, Russian Federation 9128 posts
Aug 9th '12
Quoting dream:" without a specific example, I can't give you a specific answer, but I noticed that you emphsized consistency. ... [snip!] ... to tell you something but didn't know how? Don't try to fix the tantrum. Focus on finding the issue before the tantrum starts."

I think a big part of it is trying to tell me something but I don't understand. The speech therapist has also made a good point about trying to "force" her to talk, not in a cruel way, just don't always immediately give her what she wants. Make her work for it, give us some sort of verbal clue, not just pointing and signing. And I think that's setting her off a bit, too, that we're not just giving in to it.



Sometimes, it's that we won't let her walk around in the grocery store, because she's still not that great about holding hands, and listening to us (like don't run away, don't grab things off the shelf, etc.). Or that we won't give her a popsicle until she's had real food. Some things we can compromise on, sure, but it's still that she almost always goes to a tantrum as her backup. Like that will get her what she wants. And we rarely ever give in to it. Most of the time, when she starts flailing about, we do put her in her room, or on the couch, or even in the middle of the floor to let her finish it out, and then we try again.



By the time she's in the tantrum, we can't pull her out of it. And we try talking calmly and distraction, and cooperation in some cases before she reaches that point, but it's just not successful :(