Quoting ~Terra~ CowgirlUP:“ Hugs to you too!! I too am very thankful to have this opportunity to share and be there for others ... [snip!] ... thinking about abortion or by just listening to somebody who has gone through it OR who wants to talk about it. :) ”
Very much so! I can listen to anyone who would want to talk about their experience or as you said, is thinking about going through with it. I hope that this forum does alot of help for ladies whatever age, make the right choice:)
Quoting dream:“ Do you mind if I ask you a question. I don't mean to be rude or insenitive, I just want to try and understand ... [snip!] ... the date of conception kinda thing. Thank you for listening and for any explanation. Again, please don't be offended.”
No, its okay and I understand your question. The first time I got pregnant I was 16 and in 10th grade, It was Jan 02 when I conceived but didnt take a pregnancy test until June 02, so pretty much when I came down to, " Oh, shit my period isnt just abnormal, I think Im pregnant!" I was at work and took the test, called my mom crying and she told me," Get your little ass home" and also some other choice words. So, I go home, we talk, and she said that next Monday morning she was taking me to the clinic to see how far along I was.
We go, they do an ultrasound, they wouldnt let me look, only my mom. The lady was saying, "here is babies back bone and this is the head here.".... I was freaking out. I didnt understand the concept of pregnancy at 16. I was thinking I was in love with a POS of a guy who was 21 yrs old! My father and mother had just been through a horrible divorce and been married 13 yrs then bam! He was gone out of my life, I felt not loved and searching for it in ALL the wrong places. So, needless to say... we did the ultrasound, I was 19 weeks along and the nurse explained if we went through with the abortion procedure that I would have to be chked into the nearest hosiptal, due to me probably having major problems with me being so young and so far along pregnant. My mom still made my appointment and made me think, "I just couldnt have this baby."
When we left that place that day, I was horrified and scared and crying and told my mom, "I will do anything, please dont make me do this." She kept arguing with me and then went to talk to her then boyfriend, who also was like, "No!" She could feel my pain and hours later after crying and pleading she canceled that apponitment and told me that my then part time job was about to be fulltime and I had to get out of high school and get my GED. So, I can thankfully say I have a wonderful, loving, son who is now 6 years old, and I love very much.
After I had him in 02 *ETA*, everything seemed right and I only cared about him... time went by then up came another guy that swept me off my feet.... this is now 2005.....I then thought I had feel in love, my mom was careless let him move in to her house. She was sussoped to be my mom not my friend. And I tell her that alot now. I dont blame her for my stupidness but she in turn was the reason for alot of my bad choices. Me and this guy were together for about a year total, he said he wanted kids, I felt like we would be together forever... I was on birth control and got pregnant...I even started going to my prenatal visits to keep the baby, and then at 8 weeks stopped those visits by going to the abortion clinic. Need I say this is all about 2wks after my mom kicked my then ex-boyfriend out of the house for verbally abusing me and pushing me and ignoring me for 4 straight days... in my moms house. Me and my mom talked she said if I choose the abortion, it would be my decision and she would pay for it. So, I just took the easy road at the time and had the abortion. I felt horrible but apparently not horrible enough.
I wanted that baby so bad in 2005 and me ending up pregant for the third time before the baby in 05 was even due to be born, was another horrible mistake. The 3rd pregnancy came about in about the same way... except the guy that I was seeing, got me and my son kicked out my mothers house... i moved in with my best friend and was sleeping on an air matress.. and was not on BC but was not trying to get pregnant... and ended up pregnant. I did beg my mom to let me come home and have that baby...she was not having that. She said the only way I could come home was if I aborted it. I left the father, who at the time I just found out was taking some bad drugs and not working. I dropped him off at his friends and never looked back.
The third pregancy and what was my 2nd abortion, was my last one ever. I told myself that day..."why are you doing this to your body?"..." you have a beatiful 3yr old son at home" and "your son needs you!".... I went back to my mothers house and knew from that day forward I was going to pray and ask for forgiveness untill I couldnt ask anymore.
I then meet my now SO in late 2006 and he has been more of a father to my first son than ever and in 2008 we had our 2nd son who is now 8 months old. I cant say what I did was right, but what I chose to do at the time was right, I do regret the things I did in my life. But, I try not to look back. I knew that I needed to come back home and get my son out of that poistion of living here and there when I had my 2nd abortion and I knew that being at my moms house, his home, that he would be okay and safe and loved. I was the mess up and got pregnant. Even though it wasnt intended the 2nd abortion, it happened and I live everyday with that guilt. I have been called every NAME under the sun, I have been told, Im going to burn in hell. There is nothing new I can be told by posting anything I have written in this thread AT ALL.
But, if for some reason there may be this one girl who stumbles across my thread and reads my entire story....I hope and pray by the time she gets to these few words that she has a change of heart... if she was intending on maybe aborting her child or dont think she can do it....maybe she is in the same boat that I was...now, this post, this thread.... has changed her mind. The sorrow and regret that women live with going through with a abortion is horrible. It to me fees like every bit, "I deserve it!" I tell myself all the time, "You did this, dont be sad now!" I live day by day and all I can do is thank God for allowing me another chance to conceive and have another beautiful son. Everything happens for a reason and me and my kids are proof of that.
I hope I answered your question, to why 2 times I chose abortion. And to the other ladies who read this, if your thinking or have thought about abortion. Think HARD, because I didnt think hard enough and I wish I had! Thank you for reading!! :)
Quoting dream:“ Thank you for explaining that and for not being upset at the question. It's a sensitive topic, so I've ... [snip!] ... questions if you don't mind. Has your mom ever had an abortion? Did she or you ever consider adoption rather than abortion?”
Thank you and yes I ETA on the dates, sorry that was confusing.. Im typing on my cellphone like half awake, lol. And yes I feel alot of relief for keeping my son I got pregnant with in 2002, God is good and that day, I could hear him in my mind saying, dont do this, dont. And I didnt go through with it. As for 05 and 06, I think the devil had alot to do with my choice, of course, something did, to make me think my choice was okay, and then to regret it later on. But, I feel as if God has forgiven me and thats all that matters.
As for your questions... Yes, my mom had had an abortion when she was 15. Part of her having one and knowing what I felt that day I was 19wks at the clinic and me crying and begging to keep my baby, she knew what it felt like and I knew she figured she wouldnt force me any longer to "have to" have the abortion. But, in 2005 and 2006 she and I had talked about the first one in length and I agreed on it and she paid for it, when I got the 2nd in 06, I tried and pleaded again to keep that baby and she wasnt having it, she was NOT letting me come home unless I had it aborted. So, she also paid for that one and I went home.
Adoption was bought up both times, but I would not have given my babies up once I birthed them. I would have wanted to keep them, I dont know if then... my mom would have let me keep them. But, I know with the first abortion I could have rather chose adoption but the 2nd there was no chance for adoption, she wanted me not pregnant and the baby gone out of my body... and part of that I know was because she knew I would have talked her into letting me keep the baby if she didnt make me abort. If that makes any sense. And she knew by saying she had an abortion, that most the time if the mother had an abortion... then its like a chain... her daughter will and her daughter will... but I be damned if I have a daughter and she has one! I will let my daughter have ten kids before I ever bring up killing her baby. Its to hard to go through and the regret is to much. My mom should have known the pain it caused her but then she allowed me to do the same thing and live with it also. I hate her for that, but I love her for letting me keep my son when I was 16... and she helped me raise him and care for him. If that makes sense to you, you know.
Quoting dream:“ Yes, that makes a lot of sense (if abortion can ever "make sense" .. ). I'm sure that's what a lot of ... [snip!] ... rid" of the "problem". But every situation is unique and I can't imagine what you have gone through. Thanks for being so open.”
No thank you for asking these questions, I knew by making a thread on this topic, people would want to know more and try to semi-understand what Ive been through. I just really put this on for the wondering girls who may get on BG and want some info on abortions. Like I said if I can help or stop just 1....then I have done want I wanted to by making this thread. Ty for being so understanding and congrats on your pregnancy! I wish you the best!!
thanks for sharing your story.
i cried while i read it.
I had an abortion on january 2nd this year. I regret it every single day, and cry about it most days. I wasn't sure if i was going to keep the baby or not when i found out i was pregnant. I already had aeris and she was just 6 months old. she would have been 13 months when this baby was born. I already had my first OB visit, I had an u/s, and i had pictures. Knowing that i had seen the baby makes me feel a thousand times worse and like a worse person for doing this.
When I got to the clinic, I had to ring a bell and show ID before I was able to go inside. The receptionist was very nice and friendly. The waiting room was packed, I would say about 30 girls. I thought everyone was judging me, but i know they were there for the same reason as well. I brought my step mom with me since my boyfriend and father to both babies wasn't able to be there with me. I had to take 3 aleve an hour before i got there also. I took the pregnancy test, went through the counceling session, and then the ultrasound, and then was given a "break" for 90 minutes. My step mom took me to lunch, but i couldn't really eat. I cried the whole time i was in that building knowing what I was about to do.
When i got back from my break, I was told to go upstairs into the waiting room, put on one of the gowns, and try to relax. There were journals up there that people had written in before they went into their procedure. I read one from someones boyfriend that said "I drove over an hour to kill my baby. God will never forgive any of you for doing this" i felt awful. i cried so much. When i was called in, everything was explained and I was told I was too far along for a pill and they needed to use the vaccuum. The nurses and doctors were very nice. As soon as i got in that room i started bawling though. They pinched my skin in the speculam. And it hurt so much when they were dilating my cervix. I think the hardest part for me was when they turned the vaccuum off, and said it was all out. I couldnt handle it. I cried so hard. I was just in there and was like "I can't believe I just did that. I am such an awful person."
After that I went to the recovery room and sat on one of the chairs with my heating pad. there were two other girls in there, and they didn't seem affected by it at all. Just sat there and talked to their boyfriends, while i was laying there bawling and regretting it.
I know it hasn't been that long, but i wish i could have done it differently :/. I miss that baby, and would do anything for it back. I feel so selfish and so self centered to have killed my baby.
Many years ago I did have an abortion. I was a teenager and my father gave me no other choice. I am 31now and have started my family. I did not really look into abortion until it was recommended when when my water broke at 22 weeks. I did not get the abortion but I did research it. What I found sent me into a deep depression. I watched a video on how the abortions were performed and a look at the baby on a 3d picture. For the sensitivity of others I will not say what I saw but I will say that I feel horrible and misled. I felt like a heartless no body. I still cry and it hurts. Please research it before hand to make sure that you will be able to cope with it afterwards. It is hard to think that there are many women that feel the way I do after researching this procedure.
I think an important thing here too is to research from a reliable source. Of course there are going to be disturbing and heart breaking images out there and I would strongly recommend that any girl facing an unplanned pregnancy avoid those sources of information. Find someone you can trust and talk to, really weight out all your options, and in the end make your choice an informed one :).
And if you've had an abortion, don't torture yourself with pictures and websites. I really believe that everything happens for a reason and as long as you can walk away from it and be better for your mistakes, you have no reason to hate yourself. :( It really breaks my heart to hear how constant the pain is after an abortion. I really hope if you feel like you're not able to get through it that you find some sort of support or counseling.
Quoting kaitlin :]:“ thanks for sharing your story. i cried while i read it. I had an abortion on january 2nd this year. ... [snip!] ... :/. I miss that baby, and would do anything for it back. I feel so selfish and so self centered to have killed my baby.”
Awww! I feel your pain momma! I went through with my fist ob's visit to before deciding the abort the baby, i had the pics, heard the heart beat through my ultrasound and even bought the body a outfit already. My mistake was after having that abortion, I felt sad and wanted a baby so bad and then got pregnant again in March of 06 right after having my first abortion in Sept of 05. Its hard, and thats why I made this thread. For us women to come and vent and give big *e hugs* :) Everything happens for a reason and you just have to focus on your baby you have now and ask for forgiveness, if you believe in God. Im hear if you ever need an ear:) Stay strong momma!!
Quoting Teresa Mathieu:“ Many years ago I did have an abortion. I was a teenager and my father gave me no other choice. I am 31now ... [snip!] ... cope with it afterwards. It is hard to think that there are many women that feel the way I do after researching this procedure.”
I agree with you and ty for not going into details. Many women I know me for sure didnt research abortion and know the full extent of what it all in tells. I did afterwards and know that I will never put my body or another unborn fetus through that again! I just wish abortion clinics would tell you more info and give you more time to know if you want to do it for sure... some may but I know where I went did not, and I wish they would have.
Quoting pinkie1921:“ I think an important thing here too is to research from a reliable source. Of course there are going ... [snip!] ... an abortion. I really hope if you feel like you're not able to get through it that you find some sort of support or counseling.”
Thank you for your kind words! Alot of women feel hate towards themselves after an abortion including me, lots of women feel so bad they get pregnant again, to fill in that void. But, all women do need counseling or at least someone to help them or lean on in such a hard time in their life. Thank you once again for your response!
I personally never had an abortion, I have been raped before and i know PAIN believe me when i say that! Im currently 36 weeks pregnant and i cant even imagine going through something like this.... My sister had a miscarage a little over a year ago and had to go get the rest of the stuff vacumed out... i know that was hard enough for her to go through, and she cried and cried... thanks for posting this blog. I think its very important forwomen toknow that getting an abortion isNOTthe easy way out and that there are emotional and physical consequences that come along with it!!!
Thank you for posting this.
I wish the staff at the clinic I went to was a little less detached and business-like,but I guess they have to protect themselves.The emotions in the waiting and recovery room were heavy and scary,so picking that up psychically day after day might get in the way of them doing their jobs efficiently.Still....