BREAKING UP DURING PREGNANCY surprisebaby New Jersey 13 posts
Nov 4th '06
Anyone else out there dealing with a breakup during their pregnancy?

I'm 29 weeks along and am having a VERY hard time with my boyfriend/ex-boyfriend...whatever he is this week.

Some days I feel like I'll never feel better.
kuki03 1 child; Florida 415 posts
Jan 12th '07

well dont let her go just give her time... my babys father told me the same thing... i need my space and everytime id ask how long do u need or how much longer ur gonna take shit would get worst... when i got off his ass he came running to me and i guess he just needed that space to miss me... swear i didnt call him for ANYTHING .. on the other hand i dont think u should disappear but call her once a day or every other day instead, and no matter how much it hurts u GIVER HER SPACE.. it took me a few weeks to see me calling him and crying to him all the time would push him away.. and now that he sees im getting over it he came back only thing that i always think of is what if he takes to ur case she takes to long to let u know what she wants it might be to late... thats a risk yall have to take.. just be patient... it sounds so easy but god knows what i went through..

hpyndlgrl Virginia 45 posts
Jan 22nd '07

pfft..this isn't a boat, this is a cruise ship. i got rid of my "boyfrrend" yesterday. i stuck with him after he lied to me about his age, stuck with him even though he was broke because he gives his family ALL of his money, and stuck with him even though he would call me a b***h, say f**k you, and say that I'M (the pregnant 20 year old who pretty much had everything going for her in life) STRESSING TOO MUCH! I moved from my house in GA to NC, stayed with him for about a week. After that, he started getting on my nerves with his excuses. He told me before i moved that we had our own place to live. I get there and we don't because someone else is living in it. I had to move to my parents house in VA where I have no job, no money, no doctor, and barely any support. All he could say was "I'm trying....". Yeah, I completely understand that he's making sacrafices but he made the wrong one, he put me and his baby on the back burner for his grown ass family that can't get their shit together. I called him yesterday while I was driving from GA to VA with my mom (OH WE ALMOST GOT INTO AN ACCIDENT BECAUSE OF THE ICE!!!) and told him that we are not talking anymore and from now on he needs to send me money to help pay for my doctor's appointments since it's his fault i could not enroll in school and have continue to use my insurance. oh, and I warned him that he needs to find a lawyer because this could get ugly after July 26th.

Sometimes I think the baby doesn't even like him because before we broke up I would put the phone on my stomach while he was talking and I would get these awful cramps lol

babyboomami21 Ontario 390 posts
Jan 25th '07

Hey ladies, I do am joining this crew. I am 19 yrs old, 32 weeks pregnant with my first. The baby's father and I (Julian is his name), were together for 2 yrs. He recently broke up with me on Dec 18th. Said he didnt wanna be in a relationship anymore. But yet I have been living with him for the past yr n a half. I went through starvation, eviction and everything for this man. Knowingly that we were going through all that crap together, cuz we loved eachother and that it would make our relationship stronger. So anyways he tells me he doesnt wanna be in a relationship anymore, and my heart fell apart. I see later that he is hanging around this other girl, in whom I fuckin hate, and could just ring the b***h's neck!! But thats a diff story lol
He tells me he still loves me and stuff, but he wont be with me. He says he wants to deal with our son first cuz he is the most important, and I totally agree. We still live together, and everything, but we are in seperate bedrooms right now. Its so hard knowing that he is in the other room, and I cant hold him, or kiss him, or just know that his body is laying right beside mine. Dont get me wrong, he still means everything to me, but my baby means more. I want a family, I want our son to see how much his parents love him, and to witness that love, for Julian and I were raised in a broken home. I miss him so much girls:(
I am still wearing his promise ring he gave me. He told me when he gave it to me, that wheneva we werent together or in a relationship anymore, to look down at this ring, and that it would symbolize the ever lasting love he has for me, and that no matter what happens, he would always come back to me cuz thats how much he loves me..
sorry for the long post, but this does really help me alot! thanks for listening to me rant ladies!

jhayton 1 child; Nevada 23 posts
Jan 25th '07

you know its just hard. Im beginning to wonder if she is just being this way because she wants me to GTFO but cant say it. And when i ask about it, its always "I dont wanna talk about it" or something simular. Im getting to my break point, and my lonelyness and sorrow is beginning to turn to anger, and i want to lash out. part of me just wants to pack my shit and head out, and not look back, because the more i think about it, the more i think that i dont deserve this treatment as a person. but lord knows, if i tell her i feel she is treating me like shit, or making me feel like shit, well then im the a*****e, cause what about how im making her feel. You know, im pulling out all the stops here. Im working 45 hrs a week, putting every $ into the bank cept for gas and food, i bought her a car to get her and my baby around to work, and doctors (hers died before we found out we were pregnant). She talks to her ex more than me. Like today, i even sent her a lil email note saying i know she didnt sleep well (back pain), and that i hoped she still had a good day, and that if she could just send me a lilttle note back, it would make my day. we i got the notification that she read the note, but she never wrote back. So its like that i guess. I got the shakes as i write this. I really dont want to feel anger, but i do. I think that after this is all said and done, im going to have to get my forehead tatoo'd "WORLDS BIGGEST SUCKER" then it will be easy for the next woman to take me for a ride :roll:

Pickle_Bear Australia 15 posts
Jan 26th '07

Well, my good man. I would say its time for you to move on and become the excellent father your going to be and leave your girl to sort herself out. She may just need the time away to realise what she could possibly loose. If you stay around your going to become bitter and resent the fact that your trying so hard and she is making no effort at all. And if you move away from her with the intention of not going back, you may just find a greener pasture... or end up back together. Either way - you both get thinking time!?

Im on the other side of this whole situation :) Im the girl, not giving my man the attention. But this all started before I was pregnant. In my opinion, being pregnant makes you wake up and be honest and true to yourself because if your not, its not just you who suffers anymore its you and your child (in my case, children).

Im not sure if Ive been any help but good luck and best wishes. Im here to talk. Even if its just to rant about her being a cow - I promise not to growl at ya :)

N I agree... this has become quite the little forum!! I suppose its because alot of us dont really have anybody to talk to about it (or anybody we want to talk to about it). Im glad I found this or I would still be sitting round thinkin I was the only one!!

And good luck to the girls who are happy and excited (i do have to admit, I look at them and gag too, a little jelous, a little happy for them). But then I think I would rather do this alone than put up with the shit that could possibly go with it :lol:

jhayton 1 child; Nevada 23 posts
Jan 29th '07

well lets see. my girls cousian talked to me today. she told me her and my girl had a long talk. she told me my girl doesnt love me, doesnt want to be with me, and that the only reason she gives me false hope is because shes using me. so i went and completely moved out today. im not gonna talk to her for 1 week. she doesnt know ive moved out, she was at work while i did it. so im not gonna pay her rent any more. im not gonna pay her power anymore. she can have the new van for one month then its back in my possesion. the only thing im there for now is my baby. doctor visits and diapers and food and clothes for my baby. nothing else. man i was trying so hard to hold onto nothing. i was letter her use me and treat me like shit. well no more. im not blind anymore.

Pickle_Bear Australia 15 posts
Jan 29th '07

Well congratulations on making a stand for yourself. It will get easier.... I hope. I broke up with my sons Dad when he was 1 and were great friends now (my son is now 3) other than the odd spat here and there but always gets sorted. Best to (once your over all the hurt and anger) sit down together and work out a parenting plan e.g. access, who pays for what, general rules of parenting etc. Makes things so much easier if you can work them out from the get go.

Now that I have dispelled my wisdom, my baby's Dad is being a prick again. I am in the process of moving out (having to pack an entire house and yard while working around constant sickness,headaches and a 3 year old is not easy) and he is just making everything so hard for me. Threatening me about finding somewhere for my dog (he was totally in love with the dog up until a week ago), hiding shit from me (including the ultra-sound pictures I had done a few weeks ago, telling me to hurry up and get my stuff out. I just wish he would piss off! :) He even at one point said to me "Your the one who walked out on me, whats your problem" And for those of you who dont remember - he sat and picked at every inch of my personality and parenting skills with my son on the night we broke up and the night BEFORE we broke up, he joined an internet dating site.

Gee I wonder, what could my problem be? Hes stressing me out and Im sure its causing these headaches that have me lying lifeless on the couch.

I honestly, truthfully wish he wanted nothing to do with this baby, dont want to see him ever again.

......................... 5 kids; Nevada 2567 posts
Jul 21st '07
broomebabies wrote: Hey girls....
I too am a member of the unwritten dumped society of pregnant women. Only, the thing about this is I am the one that left him. My husband decided his friends and his drinking were more important than me and his children. This is our third child and he still acts like an ass. He wants to complain about not getting to see the other two children we have, yet when they are around, he never is. Makes no sense right?
My morning sickness sucks! I can't stand that queasy feeling in my stomach... and being around him makes it worse. He tells me he loves me and all that... but the only time he wants me around is when he thinks he is gettin some.... NEWS Flash!! I am not a doorknob that you can turn when you want to...This has been really difficult for me because of us having other children and its really hard on them... I wish men would learn how to do the right thing and grow up and take care of their responsibilities instead of acting like idiots.!!!!! :roll:

My husband wont accept the fact that he's being IRRESPONSIBLE. He's only 19, and just got out of a life of partying, drinking, and drugs.. and he misses it. He does own up to family life, but once he's around his friends me and my my daughter (I'm also 22 weeks pregnant) are shoved to the side and payed no attention to.. He just got pulled out of his temp job, and got offered another one that pays MORE than where he was at, doing factory work at Rubbermaid.. instead, he would rather work at some little pathetic shop in the mall that wont pay SHIT for money that cant support a house, family, and food... He says that he does all the work and i don't do my share.. I STAY AT HOME TAKING CARE OF MY DAUGHTER, I can't afford a f**king grand a month for daycare..and he understands that.. but says that I need to get a job when hes not working.. Okay fine,.. 1. I've had nothing but pain and problems with this pregnancy, 2. My daughter is NOT comforted by him..she NEEDS mommy to calm down.. 3. I am due in November, that's 3 months away.. What is HE going to do working a part time shitty paying job (WITHOUT benefits I might ad - no good for OUR CHILDREN) when I have Kiley??? He dosn't realize how f**king irresponsible he's being. When he's with his friends he makes me sit there pregnant and sober taking care of my daughter while he either tokes up (he couldnt for a while but im sure as soon as he can again he will) or gets drunk (usually plays beer pong for a while) and then stays past midnight and wants ME to drive over an hour home when I dont have permit or a license.. I REALLY honest to god love him, which is why I married him and I want this to work.. but he's too much of a little boy for this..and when I put this in his face, he just throws it back at me saying that I do nothing, and that he gave up everything.. having a comfortable job (a pizza delivery boy job), a place to live (he was living with his friend smoking and drinking and partying all the time, and now he has HIS OWN APARTMENT with a FAMILY), and his friends (I'm sorry that we had to move an hour away and HIS FRIENDS make no effort, NO theyre NOT allowed in my house if theres gonig to be drugs, and if he misses PARTYING with his friends than he is more than welcome to leave).. and as soon as that comes out of my mouth he says "is that all you really think I gave up for you?".. hah.. there was nothing else. he was a grungy hippy who did nothing with his life and all he worked for was drugs. No offense of course, I'm not against hippy's.. and I'm fine with pot smoking.. but not in or around the house or area my kids are in.. I dont know what to do. This is my first rant about him ever... I just .. I dont even know :oops:

ashajones Delaware 1 posts
Nov 1st '07

I think this is just crazy I didn't know that men were so "emotional". Here is my little story Ok  here it goes. I am  28 and in school full time as a Grad student I met a man that I thought was totally darling and very smart too. He is 34, and  from a different country and that intrigued me. He already obtain 2 Master's of Science Degrees one in Germany and one here in the US and so he worked closly with me in my lab. So he was so different claiming he wasn't american and basically we had a lot of cultural issues about how this thing should work because of lot of his friends thought american women acted crazy and he should stay with women from his own country. Ok so at first I was everything he dreamed of he wanted us to get married and herushed really fast. Then things got a little rocky duer to cultural differnces and we still survived but then he got me preganant and I told him at 4 weeks it was really early and everything changed. He got really mad saying I trapped him , which is totally crazy I had no control whatsoever when we were intimate. And at first he said that  he would not help me at all. He said that I tricked him so he couldn't be with a women that was dishonest. So now he promises to take care of his child and he has gone with me to my first Dr appointment last week I am now 3 months and I don't know what to do. His break up reason makes no sense to me. He said that since I thought having this baby would bring us together then he will use it to tear us apart. How cruel is that?  he said our child is what broke us up . Also he is planning on going for his third Master's degree this time in nursing in a Different state next semester. I dunno I can only hope that he will honor his word and take care of his child.

Strongwomn New York 1 posts
Nov 3rd '07

Well ladies, atleast we're not alone. It's not easy breaking up during a pregnancy but it really does get better with time. I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with my second child and have a 4 year-old child (from a previous relationship). I broke things off with my friend (can't really call him a boyfriend) about 6 weeks ago and boy am I stressed.

My story is as follows: I became close friends with a former co-worker and eventually ourfriendship progressed into asexual relationship (against all better judgement). Throughout our friendship, I was there for him through many of his life struggles. I lent him money, gave him a place to stay and supported emotionally whenever needed. We were never really a couple per say but we were closer than any two people could ever be.In July I became sick and swore that it wasa stomach bug going around the office butlater was told by my doctor that I was pregnant. When I told my so called best friend, he completely flipped and told me thathe wanted me to have an abortion.After about two weeks of weird conversations, we decided that we would make things work for the sake of the baby and our friendship. But as time progressed, he called less and less and acted as if hecouldn't care less. After about of month of this treatment, I called him and left him a message informing him thathe is completely free of his obligation and that I don't want him to call meand that I will not call him. That was six weeks ago and we haven't spoken since.

I've made it a point to move on and take care of myself and mygrowing family. Luckily I have my family and friends, all whom are overly supportive and loving (thank God). Even though I have made the choice to move on with my life, it still hurts to know that someone whom you once truly cared for and loved could be such a selfish annoying jack ass.

kndl88 New Jersey 2 posts
Nov 21st '07
Quoting surprisebaby:
kndl88 New Jersey 2 posts
Nov 21st '07
Quoting surprisebaby:
R.J.'s Momma Gillette, Wyoming 2 posts
Nov 23rd '07

We have not broken up yet but I feel like moving out is the best thing I can do for him because I know that he used to love me and I am not so sure now that I am having this baby. I am 33 weeks along and I had so much drama over the last three weeks it has been insane. It all started when my bf had this girl fly here from Ireland and supposedly she has all this money and has such an easy life. i think it attracted him into thinking that "wow this person is real and how could my life be if I were to be with her?" I have debts just as we all do but I know that money can destroy a relationship. She has flown home but he is still in contact with her and is bending over backward for her for anything she wants. I remember when he used to do that for me and now it seems like there are so many things I do wrong and nothing is right anymore. I have told him I could leave if he thinks that would be better for him but he says no he doesnt want me to leave. Yet he treats me so coldly sometimes. The last day that this girl from Ireland was here she and I fought for like 5 hours from midnight to 5 am and I couldnt believe it. She started with if you werent pregnant I would knock you on your @$$. Robert was there the whole time and never stood up for me until about three hours into it and finally he decided there had been enough. I couldnt believe it. She went as far as saying that her and Robert slept together and that the whole purpose of her trip was to break us up. I couldnt handle it anymore and I just started crying. Then she comes over to me and tries to console me because I was crying. Now that she is back in Ireland she wants him to fly out there and see her and a music producer and meet her daughter because when she dies her daughter will go to Robert. Robert will inherit 22 mil and put 28 mil in a trust fund for her daughter. He has already gotten a passport. I asked what if I go into labor when you are gone because as far as I know it is suppposed to be in the next month that he flys out to see her. I have seven weeks left and I dont even know if I will be here when he comes back if he comes back. I know I could move home with my parents butI dont want to put a burdon on them I know they would love it to have a grandchild around but I dont want to abuse the fact that they will be right there. I dont know what to do but if she is not real and doesnt really have all of this money and all that kind of stuff he will be mad at himself for believing in it and then when he gets home he will be sad because I have left as well. I dont want to hurt him because I love him but I dont want to be second place over and over again. Any time that money comes into the picture I will be placed on the back burner and I just have to deal with it. I would probably be more understanding if I did not have two jobs and work as hard as I do but I cant believe that he cares about money so much and his physical things more than the person who is carrying his son. I dont want to leave him but I dont know what else to do... Does anyone have any advice out there for me??

DEE / mommy. 2 kids; Michigan 2196 posts
Nov 25th '07

allof your stories made me cry.
i'm dealing with the same thing.

i'm 5 months pregnant & ever since we found out our relationship has been falling apart, even though we both want thisbaby more than anything.well finally i told him i was moving back home & he told me it was a good idea. :(

the weekend i moved home, he said he would come over on friday to help me unpack. well his friend got in a car accident so he went up to the hospitalto be with her, which i totally understand. so then he promised he would come over& spend the night with me on saturday, but that night he told me he wanted to hang out with his friends for a little bit & then come over. i called him all night & he ignored all my calls... when he finally answered i was already back at home &going tobed. that whole time he was ignoringme i was crying hysterically & my dad heard me ... so now my dad knows how hes beentreating me [he used to always leave me at homealonewhile he went out], which means he won't be able to come over to spend the night with me anymore.

my dad told me hes just using me & i'm too blind to see it because i'm in love with him. but what hurts the most is that he never did this stuff before i got pregnant ... when i found out i was devastated, but he was so happy. to this day hes so proud that hes having a baby. but i feel like he doesn't want me or love me anymore, even though he says he does.

it hurts more than anything, being heartbroken AND pregnant.
people really don't get that. everyone just says, "leave him, its that simple."
its really not ... i think about him all the time & miss him so much. i don't want to give up because i still have hope that one day he'll be the man i fell in love with again. he tells me hes just so stressed out right now, between the baby, money, where to live, etc so i DO understand why our relationship is strained. he says he wants to work it out & he still loves me, but i feel like hes just saying it. i'm so freakin paranoid all the time, ugh this whole thing just sucks.

best of luck to everyone !!
i hope everything works out for the best for all of us. :)

DEE / mommy. 2 kids; Michigan 2196 posts
Nov 25th '07
Quoting R.J.'s Momma: