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I finally left him... but shit went south, bad PinkOwl♥ 1 child; California 40 posts
Feb 9th

I’ve been with someone for over 10 years. I love him. He’s the father of my children. But we’ve had a lot of issues. There’s been a lot of emotional abuse. I lost my desire to be affectionate with him a long time ago. I don’t enjoy kissing him or having sex. There’s no desire there. But I do love him. 

I met someone else 2 years ago. We’ve talked off and on and had an emotional affair. Yes the father knows about it. Yesterday things blew up and basically I packed my stuff and went to this other guys house for the night. I woke up to texts from my parents and some others about how I was a horrible person for leaving the father and my children. (I agreed to let him take the first weekend with them). So, naturally, I broke down from all the negativity and I went back to the house and I’ve been here all day... sort of packing, but then stalling. 

I dont know what to do. I’m so torn. This new guy treats me so good. And I have that desire to be with him that I haven’t felt in years. He’s got baggage though. He has three kids, I have two, and with that comes exes. 

But over the past two years I feel like I have fallen in love with new guy. And he says he wants to marry me one day. Buy a house together. He always does what he says he’s going to do. He’s been very patient with me living with the father and being on a break and being uncertain of what I want. 

I realize I look like a shitty person for having an affair and doing all of this. And I feel shitty. But I can not just ignore my heart, either, and the direction it’s being pulled.

So do I walk away from 13 years and let everyone hate me. Or do I stay and try to fix it. Please, if someone has been in my shoes. I need help. 

The Original Bob 4 kids; 4 angel babies; <3, CA, United States 37882 posts
Feb 9th

I know someone very closely that has been in your shoes. You do what is best for you. Everyone might hate you now but who cares, they are not the ones that have to go through the emotional abuse and hopefully eventually they will come around to your decisions. Some exes are drama and some are not that's just a part of life when you get with someone who has kids. I wouldn't worry about it. If you're happier with this other guy and he treats you like a queen then do what makes you happy. Screw everyone else. You're kids will still be with you and in your life. I'm sure they would want you to be happy too. 

bia. ., ., Portugal 102474 posts
Feb 9th

I so so so so agree with PP, who cares if they hate on you, your happiness comes before anything.

Cat.Woman. 2 kids; Gotham City, PA, United States 9665 posts
Feb 9th

You should not make life decisions based on what makes other people happy. That’s not fair to you. It would be much better for you to be happy and not with your children’s father, then be unhappily with him. 

Good luck

SomeMommy 4 kids; 1 angel baby; Chicago, IL, United States 73180 posts
Feb 9th

Follow your heart, girl. Details will work them selves out. You being happy matters more than making anyone else happy!

Miss city lady! USA 20 posts
Feb 10th

Wow that's hard but do what makes you happy. Staying that long is going to make it hard but whatever you decide, then stick with it! 

✩ Silver Due February 8 (girl); 101096 posts
Feb 11th

Quoting The Original Bob:
I know someone very closely that has been in your shoes. You do what is best for you. Everyone might hate you now but who cares, they are not the ones that have to go through the emotional abuse and hopefully eventually they will come around to your decisions. Some exes are drama and some are not that's just a part of life when you get with someone who has kids. I wouldn't worry about it. If you're happier with this other guy and he treats you like a queen then do what makes you happy. Screw everyone else. You're kids will still be with you and in your life. I'm sure they would want you to be happy too. 


This

αͷtͷmnαƪ Hogwarts, .., United Kingdom 77405 posts
Feb 12th

Sometimes you have to do what's best for YOU. Kids can sense when things aren't right in their parents' relationship. Kids will also grow up thinking that his treatment of you is okay when it isn't. Never mind what others think. They're not the ones in your shoes. You've obviously spent years of your life with someone who hasn't changed. What makes you think that by staying with him he's going to do so? You'd just be sacrificing your health and happiness and life.

Austs_Momma 1 child; 1 angel baby; CD, NY, United States 3786 posts
Feb 20th

My parents stayed together for my sister and I... and we both wish they didn’t. They split for a year or so when we were younger, I don’t know how old. My sister doesn’t remember... like at all. My mom finally left my dad when I was 20, and my sister 18... and it was much worse on us we think. We feel a little resentment at times. 

You do not have to rush in to anything with this guy (I know it’s been two years) but don’t rely on him, if that makes sense. Take time to introduce him to your children. 


I know thats that’s not what you were asking, I’m on team leave... but do so appropriately. My bestfriend jumps into relationships way too quickly, no children involved, and they all end badly