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how to prepare the kids fluffyruffruff 5 kids; United States 4642 posts
Jan 9th

Im sure BG regulars remember my situation... So I dont want to go to far back into detail. Anyway, my husband (whos been in jail for the last 14 months) is taking a plea bargain tomorrow morning, where he will be released. He will be on felony probation for the next 5 years... on 3 felony charges and 2 misdemeanor charges, which include multiple violent crimes. The children and I still have a protection order against him, effective until next month, where we will have the divorce and custody worked out. I have no doubt that he will be granted visitation rights... hopefully supervised for awhile. 

Heres my question... my children were present when he was arrested. They have known that he's been in jail. But even so, I dont think that such young children can fully understand why he's been MIA for so long. What do I say to them when its time for them to see him? How do I prepare them for the "reunion" so to speak? Visitation hasnt yet been granted... but I just want to prepare for it so that it is as easy on them as possible.  TIA.

Kelli * Quinn 1 child; New York 474 posts
Jan 9th

Wow, thats a tough situation to be in. I am sorry to hear you have to go through this. How old are your kids, if you don't mind me asking? I honestly think it all comes down to age...

My boyfriend has a daughter, shes 12 now but we started dating when she was 7. Shortly after we got together, he got arrested for not reporting to probation for a while. He got arrested and got sentenced to 6 months, served 3 and a half. His daughter was under the impression that anyone who went to jail was a bad person. Which wasnt the case. The only reason my boyfriend wasnt reporting was because he was smoking weed instead of taking the xanax that was prescribed to him because those really fucked him up to the point where he couldnt function at work. So anyway, her mom had to sit her down and explain to her that Daddy made a mistake, and now he is paying for it. Sometimes people make mistakes bigger than others and they have to serve out their punishment. It doesnt make them a bad person and Daddy loves you so much and thats all that matters. Daddy wouldnt do anything to purposely hurt you and Daddy and I will always be here ,to love and support you. I know kids dont really understand jail, but they do know what "I love you" means. And as long as your ex husband proves to be a good dad, despite him making a mistake.

Kids are resilent. I know you are super worried but kids can over come a lot. I hope it all works out in the long run for ya girl

fluffyruffruff 5 kids; United States 4642 posts
Jan 9th

Quoting Kelli * Quinn:
Wow, thats a tough situation to be in. I am sorry to hear you have to go through this. How old are your kids, if you don't mind me asking? I honestly think it all comes down to age...

My boyfriend has a daughter, shes 12 now but we started dating when she was 7. Shortly after we got together, he got arrested for not reporting to probation for a while. He got arrested and got sentenced to 6 months, served 3 and a half. His daughter was under the impression that anyone who went to jail was a bad person. Which wasnt the case. The only reason my boyfriend wasnt reporting was because he was smoking weed instead of taking the xanax that was prescribed to him because those really fucked him up to the point where he couldnt function at work. So anyway, her mom had to sit her down and explain to her that Daddy made a mistake, and now he is paying for it. Sometimes people make mistakes bigger than others and they have to serve out their punishment. It doesnt make them a bad person and Daddy loves you so much and thats all that matters. Daddy wouldnt do anything to purposely hurt you and Daddy and I will always be here ,to love and support you. I know kids dont really understand jail, but they do know what "I love you" means. And as long as your ex husband proves to be a good dad, despite him making a mistake.

Kids are resilent. I know you are super worried but kids can over come a lot. I hope it all works out in the long run for ya girl


The children involved are 6, 5, and 4. Theyre just such tender ages, as mamas we never stop worrying and this is such a hard situation.