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Thank you Thinkaboutit 4 kids; United States 2511 posts
Apr 27th
lamb_nodules 2 kids; United Kingdom 3699 posts
Apr 27th

I'm sorry. That sounds super tough. I'm pragmatic, so to me, there's always something that's gonna suffer and we just have to choose our priorities and then take the bad with the good. If he didn't work so much, you wouldn't be able to live the life you live, perhaps even afford as many children and be able to provide the things you provide. Like you say, you can go to work, but then you'd be away from your kids, which is something you're not willing to do. So, you make the decision that better suits you and you make the best of it. 

I don't know if I'm being very helpful,  but for me, there's no point in dwelling on could have beens. It sounds like your life and marriage and family life is pretty great, except for his working a lot. I mean, things are just never gonna be perfect. 

I think you should keep the dialogue open with your husband, for sure, and make your feelings known to him. Perhaps he can compromise where he can. Is he caring when he is home or is he disinterested in the family. Effort should absolutely be made to spend quality time when you're all together. 

LittlebuttsMamax3! 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Asheville, North Carolina 17328 posts
Apr 27th

I get it. I know it sucks. My husband and I had a blow out a couple years ago and he had to take a step back at work. Yeah the moneys nice, but family is more important. My parents both worked alot but my dad way more. He didn't have much of a relationship with us and their marriage just sucked. He regrets it now and wishes he had done things differently. 

Being lonely in a marriage is pretty rough. I think you should talk to him about it. I don't really have any advice, I'm sorry. I just know it's hard. 

bia. ., ., Portugal 102218 posts
Apr 27th

I'm sorry Very Sad is the weekends the same as before? I wish I could say something other then sorry.. 

bia. ., ., Portugal 102218 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting LittlebuttsMamax2.5 [23w]:
I get it. I know it sucks. My husband and I had a blow out a couple years ago and he had to take a step back at work. Yeah the moneys nice, but family is more important. My parents both worked alot but my dad way more. He didn't have much of a relationship with us and their marriage just sucked. He regrets it now and wishes he had done things differently. 

Being lonely in a marriage is pretty rough. I think you should talk to him about it. I don't really have any advice, I'm sorry. I just know it's hard. 


So true. 

mrs.white8389 TTC since Jan 2016; 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Florida 2628 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting lamb_nodules:
I'm sorry. That sounds super tough. I'm pragmatic, so to me, there's always something that's gonna suffer and we just have to choose our priorities and then take the bad with the good. If he didn't work so much, you wouldn't be able to live the life you live, perhaps even afford as many children and be able to provide the things you provide. Like you say, you can go to work, but then you'd be away from your kids, which is something you're not willing to do. So, you make the decision that better suits you and you make the best of it. 

I don't know if I'm being very helpful,  but for me, there's no point in dwelling on could have beens. It sounds like your life and marriage and family life is pretty great, except for his working a lot. I mean, things are just never gonna be perfect. 



All of this, couldn't be worded better.

you knew the type of person he is before you married him, yet you went on to have a life and kids with him. No need to complain about it now, you could have ran away in the beginning and not have to have delt with it. Life isn't perfect.

Thinkaboutit 4 kids; United States 2511 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting lamb_nodules:
I'm sorry. That sounds super tough. I'm pragmatic, so to me, there's always something that's gonna suffer and we just have to choose our priorities and then take the bad with the good. If he didn't work so much, you wouldn't be able to live the life you live, perhaps even afford as many children and be able to provide the things you provide. Like you say, you can go to work, but then you'd be away from your kids, which is something you're not willing to do. So, you make the decision that better suits you and you make the best of it. 

I don't know if I'm being very helpful,  but for me, there's no point in dwelling on could have beens. It sounds like your life and marriage and family life is pretty great, except for his working a lot. I mean, things are just never gonna be perfect. 

I think you should keep the dialogue open with your husband, for sure, and make your feelings known to him. Perhaps he can compromise where he can. Is he caring when he is home or is he disinterested in the family. Effort should absolutely be made to spend quality time when you're all together. 


Your spot on. And his is a great person and good with the kids when he has time. 

Thinkaboutit 4 kids; United States 2511 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting LittlebuttsMamax2.5 [23w]:
I get it. I know it sucks. My husband and I had a blow out a couple years ago and he had to take a step back at work. Yeah the moneys nice, but family is more important. My parents both worked alot but my dad way more. He didn't have much of a relationship with us and their marriage just sucked. He regrets it now and wishes he had done things differently. 

Being lonely in a marriage is pretty rough. I think you should talk to him about it. I don't really have any advice, I'm sorry. I just know it's hard. 


Thank you

Thinkaboutit 4 kids; United States 2511 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting bia.:
I'm sorry Very Sadis the weekends the same as before? I wish I could say something other then sorry.. 


Pretty much. I know he is just aloof, he doesnt mean to. He is not a bad or lazy person, he just can't see what we need. And I know he needs a break too after all that he does.

Thinkaboutit 4 kids; United States 2511 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting mrs.white8389:

All of this, couldn't be worded better.

you knew the type of person he is before you married him, yet you went on to have a life and kids with him. No need to complain about it now, you could have ran away in the beginning and not have to have delt with it. Life isn't perfect.


Yes, I know, I've made my bed. Sometimes it's just not that simple. I l know I'm very very lucky and I'm grateful, believe me. I guess I didn't understand how much of myself I would have to sacrifice.

lamb_nodules 2 kids; United Kingdom 3699 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting Thinkaboutit:

Yes, I know, I've made my bed. Sometimes it's just not that simple. I l know I'm very very lucky and I'm grateful, believe me. I guess I didn't understand how much of myself I would have to sacrifice.


I don't think that you're not entitled to feel this way, and I hope my post didn't suggest that? It's hard. I can totally relate, btw. But, what helps me, is asking myself what would happen if DH left the job. It would involve soooo many things I'm not ready to compromise on - DD's amazing school, her stability in general (as we might have to move), the nice house and the finer things that we could do without but that make life easier, me going to work full time and missing out on kids growing up, etc etc. So I go, well no point longing or feeing sorry for myself. This is how it is right now. This is what's best right now. Not ideal, but the best of all options. How do we make most of it. You know? 

You're totally right to want him around more. I don't know your exact circumstance or how much give his job has, which is why I said, keeping the dialogue going instead of letting it fester is super important. If he's aware of the severity of your feelings then he can indulge them when and in the way he can. 

Thinkaboutit 4 kids; United States 2511 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting lamb_nodules:

I don't think that you're not entitled to feel this way, and I hope my post didn't suggest that? It's hard. I can totally relate, btw. But, what helps me, is asking myself what would happen if DH left the job. It would involve soooo many things I'm not ready to compromise on - DD's amazing school, her stability in general (as we might have to move), the nice house and the finer things that we could do without but that make life easier, me going to work full time and missing out on kids growing up, etc etc. So I go, well no point longing or feeing sorry for myself. This is how it is right now. This is what's best right now. Not ideal, but the best of all options. How do we make most of it. You know? 

You're totally right to want him around more. I don't know your exact circumstance or how much give his job has, which is why I said, keeping the dialogue going instead of letting it fester is super important. If he's aware of the severity of your feelings then he can indulge them when and in the way he can. 


No no...I wasn't offended at all, didn't mean to come off short. I'm just tired. His job has no give. But he likes what he does and he is crazy successful. I love the life I have and don't want to change our lifestyle. I can't live without having my house cleaned weekly, garden tended, groceries delivered, date night babysitter every weekend, preschool, daycare (part time) summer camp......etc etc. I could not keep up with my 4 kids without this help...

bia. ., ., Portugal 102218 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting mrs.white8389:

All of this, couldn't be worded better.

you knew the type of person he is before you married him, yet you went on to have a life and kids with him. No need to complain about it now, you could have ran away in the beginning and not have to have delt with it. Life isn't perfect.


Wow. Unknown 

mrs.white8389 TTC since Jan 2016; 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Florida 2628 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting Thinkaboutit:

Yes, I know, I've made my bed. Sometimes it's just not that simple. I l know I'm very very lucky and I'm grateful, believe me. I guess I didn't understand how much of myself I would have to sacrifice.


My DH works alot too. I'm usually home alone until dark. Only day he has off is Sunday which is a crappy day to have off because everything there is to do together without kids or even with the kids ends early, and he is in bed early anyways because he gets up at 5am every morning to drive 2 hours to work. His job doesn't do vacation time/paid vacations. So if he takes a vacation we are living off savings for 2 weeks until he gets paid again. But without him working so much I wouldn't have everything I enjoy (my horse, dogs, and chickens/ducks), we wouldn't have our house, cars and being able to splurge on big purchases that we like to do for the kids and ourselves. But I'm well use to the working alot life style, my dad worked and still dose 24/7 and has since he was 17 years old. My mom worked alot to, but they always found a way to still spend alot of time with me while growing up. My dad is 64 and still pushing off retiring even though they are very well off for the rest of their lives. Dh and I just went through the "what's ifs" if something was to happen to him and left me with 2 kids (or more) and a house to pay off, I've never worked in my life so finding a job would be difficult if that what if came up.

Thinkaboutit 4 kids; United States 2511 posts
Apr 27th

Quoting mrs.white8389:

My DH works alot too. I'm usually home alone until dark. Only day he has off is Sunday which is a crappy day to have off because everything there is to do together without kids or even with the kids ends early, and he is in bed early anyways because he gets up at 5am every morning to drive 2 hours to work. His job doesn't do vacation time/paid vacations. So if he takes a vacation we are living off savings for 2 weeks until he gets paid again. But without him working so much I wouldn't have everything I enjoy (my horse, dogs, and chickens/ducks), we wouldn't have our house, cars and being able to splurge on big purchases that we like to do for the kids and ourselves. But I'm well use to the working alot life style, my dad worked and still dose 24/7 and has since he was 17 years old. My mom worked alot to, but they always found a way to still spend alot of time with me while growing up. My dad is 64 and still pushing off retiring even though they are very well off for the rest of their lives. Dh and I just went through the "what's ifs" if something was to happen to him and left me with 2 kids (or more) and a house to pay off, I've never worked in my life so finding a job would be difficult if that what if came up.


Yes, the what ifs are scary....he recently increased his life insurance policy a lot so I could have everything 100% paid off and college money for the kids...