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Try to make it work, or leave? M♡G 2 kids; United States 1771 posts
3 days ago

SO and I have been together for 6 1/2 years. Things between us happened very quickly. We were only together for 4 months when I got pregnant with DS. The next year or two went fine, it's when we move in together when things got bad.. I used to have my ears stretched, and he made me take them out. I got a few small tattoos, he threatened to leave me. My few friends I have up here, he hates them and every time I see them or hang out with them I get bitched at. I moved 2+ hours away from home and he never takes me to see them, they always have to come up here even though they can't afford too.


Once DD was born he got worse. He quit his job without telling me and lied about it for a few weeks. I had to get a job and we struggled for a very long time. Hes hateful towards DS and even broke one of his toys right in front of his face. (That was the last straw for me) He never does anything around the house, he refuses too. I'm fed up! I'm tired of walking on egg shells to do everything to make HIM happy.


I want to leave but I can't. I have nowhere to go and no vehicle. I do work. I told him i wasn't happy and wanted to leave and now he's doing everything in his power to make me happy. He will come home from work with little gifts and whatnot. Yes they are nice, but won't make me happy. I've told him time and time again to go get help and for us to talk to someone but he never wanted too. Now that he knows how I feel, he wants too. And I feel like its a little too late for that. Before when I even considered leaving him it crushed me, just the thought would make me cry. But now, I don't even get sad anymore when I think about it. Im not even attracted to him anymore. He told me he would change but in my heart I don't believe him.


 Would you stay and try to make it work since he is finally offering to get help, or would you just go ahead and leave?  

Do Not Quote. 

✩ ℒioȵεsȿ Due April 8 (boy); 96363 posts
status 3 days ago

I would leave. Too little, too late. 

Awkward Due October 16; 4 kids; 2 angel babies; St Cloud, MN, United States 4359 posts
3 days ago

Reread what you wrote. 
You deserve better, so much better. So does your son

M♡G 2 kids; United States 1771 posts
3 days ago

In my heart I know what I need to do.. 

I'm just so scared. 

Team❤Pink 3 kids; 4 angel babies; Maryland 4321 posts
status 3 days ago

I'm torn. Part of me says leave because he sounds controlling and borderline abusive-who breaks a little kids toys. And if there's no love there on your end then why bother trying to fix it. But the other part of me says stay because perhaps he is depressed or something. Sounds like something happened that may have been effecting his mood. I know my marriage always goes through a little bump every time  we have a baby. We both are exhausted and stress and we let that sometimes cloud our love for one another. Things always smooth out in a few months for us though. But I never stop loving dh and vice versa. If you are numb to him then it's likely it's time to move on.

M♡G 2 kids; United States 1771 posts
3 days ago

Quoting Team❤Pink:
I'm torn. Part of me says leave because he sounds controlling and borderline abusive-who breaks a little kids toys. And if there's no love there on your end then why bother trying to fix it. But the other part of me says stay because perhaps he is depressed or something. Sounds like something happened that may have been effecting his mood. I know my marriage always goes through a little bump every time  we have a baby. We both are exhausted and stress and we let that sometimes cloud our love for one another. Things always smooth out in a few months for us though. But I never stop loving dh and vice versa. If you are numb to him then it's likely it's time to move on.


I am very numb. A part of me loves him in a way, but the other part Is exhausted. 

marmarissa 1 child; 2 angel babies; Ottawa, ON, Canada 5610 posts
3 days ago

Quoting ✩ ℒioȵεsȿ:
I would leave. Too little, too late. 


Exactly. 

Drew90 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Hodgdon, ME, United States 6625 posts
status 3 days ago

I'd leave.  

Cat.Woman. 2 kids; Gotham City, PA, United States 6522 posts
status 3 days ago

It sounds like an absuive relationship to me honestly. Look up the signs of an emotional and mental abuser. 
It won't get better. It will probably get worse. 

Mom*of*3 ♡ 3 kids; 1 angel baby; United States 34 posts
3 days ago

It sounds like you already know what you should do, if you are numb to him and the feelings are absolutely gone, then it's over.  I mean you might be able to work on it but it sounds like you have no love left for him, which I don't blame you, he sounded like he was super shitty. His changes could be a desperation move and not genuine at all, I mean I don't know him, you do so that's for you to decide whether you think he's actually trying to make it better or just trying to get you to stay. 
Manipulators and abusers can "change" for a while to get their way, so it's hard to say whether he's actually genuine or just playing a role to get what he wants. 

lamb_nodules 2 kids; United Kingdom 3310 posts
status 3 days ago

I'd leave. Not only does he sound kinda shitty, it sounds like you don't really feel anything significant for him and have pretty much checked out already. Doesn't seem like there's much point in staying, seems like a waste of years. 

Royal_Lux United States 2384 posts
status 3 days ago

Looks like your mind is made up, from what I read. Now to just follow through with an exit plan.

KD [E+K's Mommy] Due June 27; 2 kids; 3 angel babies; Carrollton, Georgia 1960 posts
3 days ago

Get up and go. 

*R [E]N%A/Y ¥ 2 kids; independence, MO, United States 4614 posts
3 days ago

Quoting M♡G:

I am very numb. A part of me loves him in a way, but the other part Is exhausted. 


Then you know what you want.  That taking the steps to prepare.  Save money. Contact family ask someone to get you bus tickets if you need.  Just get away from the situation for a while. 


I found that no matter how hard it was to help.  My parents and friends I had barely talked to in years really stepped up to help.  They really do care and want to help but you have to ask.  They don't want to offend by offering,  when you pretend like everything is ok. 

Have Heart 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Western, NY, United States 8245 posts
status 2 days ago

I'd start doing things that I wanted to do. Start building your independence from him, if he starts threatening you like he has before let him know you're a big girl who can make decisions for herself. If he has the "don't like it then leave" attitude --- take him up on his offer!

is he still not working? have you asked him to start pulling his share around the house? I swear men are worse then kids, they need to be told what to do when or they'll just sit around and do nothing.

also, your DD is less than a year? maybe he's just having a hard time adjusting to two kids? idk. i'm not by any means trying to make excuses for him. But, I know the first year was rough after our first and it hasn't been the best with DS2 only being several months old.

if you can envision your life without him, if you can picture dropping your kiddos off on the weekends (or whatever) and all that? go for it. maybe just throwing a possible separation in his face might be enough for him to see that you really need things to change or there's no future.

regardless of what happens, good luck momma!