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Problems with SO (Kind of long) Jasic 19 posts
Sep 14th '13

Lately things between SO and I haven't been so great. We have been together for about two and a half years now, I have two girls from previous relationships and we have a baby boy together who is now two months old.
Last summer we broke up because we were arguing so much and for other reasons. Honestly, my younger daughters bio father and I began talking again during that time and hung out a lot. Time passed and I realized I missed SO and starting cutting my daughters bio father off slowly. Then before I knew it SO and I started talking again, one thing led to another and we decided to work things out again. Soon enough we moved in together and things were great until one morning while I was getting ready for work he looked through my phone and found old messages sent between my ex and I from that summer and it turned into a huge fight. I explained to him that anything that happened between my ex and I happened when SO and I were not together but he still felt hurt. We then worked things out (so I thought).
Long story short, two months later I found out I was pregnant with our son and he was excited so I thought things were good between us. This pregnancy was a lot different and harder on me. I was always tired, hungry, lost my sex drive, and I was always in pain because of the varicose gains I had in my vagina (sorry if that was TMI) but he didn't really care, he would fight with me because I didn't want to have sex. Out of nowhere we started getting into bad fights and he started calling me all kinds of bad names and started acting cold towards me. He would go out to his neighbors house for hours and not come home until 3 in the morning. He would use my lap top and one night left a conversation open on his Facebook when I went on the Internet and there was a conversation between him and this one girl about how it pretty much bothers both of them when one doesn't say hi to the other. He said other things to her that showed he was very much interested in her. I later found out they were also texting each other and he would ask her questions that also showed he was interested in her. It turns out she is the neighbors cousin and they've sent naked pictures to each other over email while we were broken up. At first I didn't let that bother me because we were broken up but the fact that he continued to talk to her while we're together hurt me. I also found messages he sent to other girls asking them what kind of guys they were into, telling them they're sexy, asking if they had boyfriends because he wanted to hang out. It also hurt more because he would compliment other girls but would never compliment me on anything like he used to when we first started (if that makes sense) When I confronted him he said he could do that and I had to accept it because of what I did last summer while we were broken up and because I wouldn't have sex with him while I was pregnant (he was clearly sexually frustrated). It hurt me so much that it still bothers me until this day. After I confronted him he swore he would stop and not talk to these girls anymore but I am finding it hard to trust him again.
I feel like I don't know what to do, I clearly still love him but hate that I can't trust him. I've been considering moving out in a few months after I file my income tax alone with the kids.

Crystal 3 kids; Hephzibah, Georgia 15566 posts
Sep 14th '13

Anyone who holds that mentality towards their Partner is not someone I would trust, EVER.

*KatteyBug* 2 kids; My City, AL, United States 2706 posts
Sep 14th '13

If he can't respect you enough to be faithful, whether physically or emotionally, then you deserve better. All of that fighting isn't good for you, him, or your children, and he has made it seem like he's moved on. Try to talk to him about it, if you want to try again, if you don't, if you feel there is no going back and no way he can gain your trust back, then you need to leave.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42788 posts
Sep 14th '13

I would be considering the same thing. If he had been doing this when you broke up and that's where it stopped, fine...but continuing it into your relationship because you're in too much pain from carrying HIS child is unacceptable.

Jasic 19 posts
Sep 14th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting *KatteyBug*:</b>" If he can't respect you enough to be faithful, whether physically or emotionally, then you deserve better. ... [snip!] ... to try again, if you don't, if you feel there is no going back and no way he can gain your trust back, then you need to leave."</blockquote>



Yeah, I've tried talking to him but he just acts like what's done is done, he's sorry and if I can't trust him then its pretty much whatever :/

*KatteyBug* 2 kids; My City, AL, United States 2706 posts
Sep 14th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jasic:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting *KatteyBug*:</b>" If he can't respect you enough to be faithful, ... [snip!] ... talking to him but he just acts like what's done is done, he's sorry and if I can't trust him then its pretty much whatever :/"</blockquote>




Then I would consider moving on. :(

Jasic 19 posts
Sep 14th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Bear and The Bird:</b>" I would be considering the same thing. If he had been doing this when you broke up and that's where it ... [snip!] ... fine...but continuing it into your relationship because you're in too much pain from carrying HIS child is unacceptable."</blockquote>




In his eyes he did nothing so wrong because he didn't physically cheat.

Super Mommy! 4 kids; ☺, CA, United States 16068 posts
Sep 14th '13

You both need to sit down and have a mature heart to heart. Put everything out on the table, talk about what bothers you, and what you would like from each other and out of your relationship. If you stay together you have to set ground rules and go over the boundaries of your relationship, in case one of you is confused as to what is and isn't acceptable. He'll have to cut ties with whoever he's been talking to and both of you start fresh, otherwise it's going to get ugly and unhealthy to stay together.

*KatteyBug* 2 kids; My City, AL, United States 2706 posts
Sep 14th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Super Mommy!:</b>" You both need to sit down and have a mature heart to heart. Put everything out on the table, talk about ... [snip!] ... with whoever he's been talking to and both of you start fresh, otherwise it's going to get ugly and unhealthy to stay together."</blockquote>




This.

Jasic 19 posts
Sep 14th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Super Mommy!:</b>" You both need to sit down and have a mature heart to heart. Put everything out on the table, talk about ... [snip!] ... with whoever he's been talking to and both of you start fresh, otherwise it's going to get ugly and unhealthy to stay together."</blockquote>




I've tried to this this several times. As soon as I let him know what bothers me he starts yelling to shut me up and pretty much throws the fact that my older daughters father abused me in my face. With him, I have to mentally prepare myself before bringing this subject up.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42788 posts
Sep 14th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jasic:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Bear and The Bird:</b>" I would be considering the same ... [snip!] ... HIS child is unacceptable."</blockquote> In his eyes he did nothing so wrong because he didn't physically cheat."</blockquote>




That's what my s/o did. I wouldn't even think about getting back together with him until he realized it was still cheating.

Jasic 19 posts
Sep 14th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting The Bear and The Bird:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jasic:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting The Bear and ... [snip!] ... That's what my s/o did. I wouldn't even think about getting back together with him until he realized it was still cheating."</blockquote>




I really wouldn't either but I just got back to work after two months off for maternity leave and I have no money saved to move for the time being :/

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42788 posts
Sep 14th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jasic:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Super Mommy!:</b>" You both need to sit down and have a mature ... [snip!] ... my older daughters father abused me in my face. With him, I have to mentally prepare myself before bringing this subject up."</blockquote>




That really shows he has no respect for you.

user banned 2 kids; Medina, New York 1612 posts
Sep 15th '13

Move on and stay far away from guys for a while.