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Good Queen Bess Due December 27; 2 kids; Ontario 49564 posts
Aug 21st '13

My daughter and I have recently had a discussion about the fact that she is not ready for sex with her boyfriend, but asked about birth control anyway just in case the time came. I didn't dissuade her from having sex, but I did talk about making sure that she respected herself enough to know that saying that she wasn't ready wasn't a bad thing.



However, I don't think that sexual intercourse is the best indicator of maturity. Sounds like your friends wants to use sexuality as a shaming device, which is only going to make her child even less likely to talk to her about their decisions.

Mari-C 18 kids; Nebraska 3695 posts
Aug 21st '13
Quoting .Colleen.:" I think it's funny that she thinks she will know when they are sexually active :lol:"


:!:
My mom didn't know...and to this day I don't think she knows when I did :shock:

I think to an extent...but if this were me, I would still be responsible for my kid.

Good Queen Bess Due December 27; 2 kids; Ontario 49564 posts
Aug 21st '13
Quoting You and me + 3:" Ok maybe im wording this wrong. I think she is saying things like sweet 16s and cars and basically the ... [snip!] ... make the decision to engage in sexual activity. Not that she is no longer going to take care of the child. Baby woke up bbl"


Since when is getting a car a perk of being a kid?

Good Queen Bess Due December 27; 2 kids; Ontario 49564 posts
Aug 21st '13
Quoting E&J=my world:" :!: My mom didn't know...and to this day I don't think she knows when I did :shock: I think to an extent...but if this were me, I would still be responsible for my kid."


I agree. When I told my mom I was pregnant at almost 18 years old, that was the first inkling she had that I was sexually active, and I had been for several years.

☮Sugar Magnolia 1 child; Indiana 18298 posts
Aug 21st '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting You and me + 3:</b>" Ok maybe im wording this wrong. I think she is saying things like sweet 16s and cars and basically the ... [snip!] ... make the decision to engage in sexual activity. Not that she is no longer going to take care of the child. Baby woke up bbl"</blockquote>



Yeah, set up punishments for the kid. That'll make them want to be open and honest lol

Severus Snape 2 kids; Tennessee 3568 posts
Aug 21st '13
Quoting .Colleen.:" ok, so they are penalized for it? how does this encourage open communications exactly?"


:!:
I would get it if the kid would get some positive adult responsibilities along with some negative, but otherwise why would the kid ever tell their parents anything if all they would get is a punishment?

Always♥Faithful 2 kids; CHERRY POINT, North Carolina 21738 posts
Aug 21st '13

I guess I can understand a parent feeling like their child isn't their "baby" anymore after he or she finds out the child is sexually active. It's a reality check for sure, but I don't believe in not helping your child after that fact.



They did make an adult decision to have sex, but that doesn't mean their childhood is over or should be treated as such. I would much rather have an open, honest relationship with my kids, and educate and prepare them for real world situations, and support them through those adolescent years than put all of that responsibility on them as repercussions. To me, preparing children for the real world is helping them get their licenses and helping them get a car (among other things). Those are steps to them getting jobs and going to college. If my children feel like they can manage working and going to high school, that is a choice they will make; otherwise a summer job will be enough, IMO. Sexual activity wouldn't change my view.

Crystal Gems 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beach city, CA, United States 17667 posts
Aug 21st '13

Since i got pregnant at 16 but ended up losing it at 12 weeks it would suck if my mom did that to me.Yeah i was an adult enough to have sex and got knocked up by a dead beat but i was not no where near one in the head.GAH thinking about how naive i was at that age irks me.So Glad my mother never gave up on me.If my son knocked some girl up at a young age i would be upset and yes he would have to get a job or mow somebodies lawn.Just because he is a man and his pregnant girlfriend can do so much.I really hope all 3 of my sons will know better.I would never give up on my babies but since they are men they have to at least step up with a part time job.

Good Queen Bess Due December 27; 2 kids; Ontario 49564 posts
Aug 21st '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Always♥Faithful:</b>" I guess I can understand a parent feeling like their child isn't their "baby" anymore after he or she ... [snip!] ... school, that is a choice they will make; otherwise a summer job will be enough, IMO. Sexual activity wouldn't change my view."</blockquote>



Getting their license, yes....getting a car, hell no.



Getting a job to pay for a car is teaching them far more than handing over a car to them.

Trey&Genesis'momma 4 kids; 4 angel babies; Somewhere, IN, United States 4802 posts
Aug 21st '13
Quoting eKnuckles:" I understand to a certain extent. If they want to have sex -a very 'adult' thing to do- then they should ... [snip!] ... have some bit of responsibility. But I don't see how that also means the parent should no longer be responsible for their kid."

:!::!: This.



I'm not naive, I know my children are NOT going to come to me when they become sexually active but I do believe that parents also can pretty much tell when something is going on as well. So I guess I wouldn't let my kids know ahead of time. I would just wait till my suspicions were confirmed and then enforce that rule. I'm kinda old fashioned I guess but I plan on having the whole sex talk with my kids and then it's out of my hands what they choose to do. I won't like it and I won't encourage that they go out and have sex. But I can control how I run my house. I agree though that it doesn't mean the responsibility is completely off the parent either. But I would certainly make it known that there are adult things you get to do when you make an adult choice.

Always♥Faithful 2 kids; CHERRY POINT, North Carolina 21738 posts
Aug 21st '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting speaktruth2powr:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Always♥Faithful:</b>" I guess I can understand a parent ... [snip!] ... yes....getting a car, hell no. Getting a job to pay for a car is teaching them far more than handing over a car to them."</blockquote>



I never said hand the car over. I said help get the car. My parents bought my car when i got my license and I worked to pay them back.

The Master Due September 8; 2 kids; Perth, Australia 20023 posts
Aug 21st '13

so is she going to be checking her Hyman on a monthly basis aka 16th Century nobility style?

Mari-C 18 kids; Nebraska 3695 posts
Aug 22nd '13
Quoting Spacetits:" Sweet 16? Getting a kid a car? I must be a bad mom, because my kids aren't getting either of those. ... [snip!] ... to care for them until they are 18. They didn't make an adult decision. They made a normal decision based on human nature."

I agree. If I threaten my kids with not getting them a car or buying their everyday needs, what good is that going to do? I would think it'd make them rebel even more, and start doing other things behind my back.

Crystal Gems 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beach city, CA, United States 17667 posts
Aug 22nd '13
Quoting Spacetits:" Sweet 16? Getting a kid a car? I must be a bad mom, because my kids aren't getting either of those. ... [snip!] ... to care for them until they are 18. They didn't make an adult decision. They made a normal decision based on human nature."

I am the only one out of all my friends that did not get a car at 16.It was rides from school from my mom or the bus lol.I'm still a bit jealous though at the kids that had one.

Crystal Gems 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beach city, CA, United States 17667 posts
Aug 22nd '13
Quoting Spacetits:" My SO was given one from his mom. No way would I do that for my kids... They can get a job and get one ... [snip!] ... 1000$. They'll survive. My neighbour bought his daughter a 2012 Mitsubishi eclipse. It'd be nice to throw money away like that."

Very true.One of the reasons why my parents did not because they said i needed a job to afford the gas and the maintenance.I did not get my first one until i was 18.A crappy 94 honda but it felt good to pay for it out of my own money as crappy as the car was.