Can a relationship work...?? SOO LOST Mommyof4<3<3<3 Due December 15; 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Red Deer, Alberta 731 posts
Aug 17th '13

You know when you first meet someone and that spark is just there instantly.. You fall for that person and its like you've completely found our soulmate. You've never felt this way about anyone ever before and you know in your heart that what this is, is so special?? Now say you're together and you make a life, have a couple kids, get married and those feelings fall off course.. You fight more (not about anything really that relevant) but the stresses of life are overwhelming and you take it out on each the point where you break.. Your SO packs a bag just to get away to figure out his things and for you to figure out ours.. BUT after a week whenever you're together its nothing but flirting, like how it felt in the begining.. The shy, nervousness, stealing each others glances then quickly looking the other way. You check each other out when the others not looking, you feel the passion you had for the other person.. But is this enough?? Does this show that there is hope for your relationship?
This is my situation and I dont know how to take it all in. When all this first happened I was soo pissed off, hurt, betrayed and pretty much wanted to punch him in the throat.. Now...Its hard being away from him, especially when he looks at me like he use to when we first met..It makes it hard to be strong and to keep my guard up.. We are going to counseling (the first session we left pissed at each other) but I think it was things that we needed to hear and of course feelings may get hurt. Now by hard times in our realtionship I mean we met only got to enjoy each other for a month and a half before I was pregnant. We got engaged when our daughter was a month old. But shortly after that, thats when the bickering started, I had Post Partum quite bad, never realized it till later. But I got better, learned out to handle it. We did break up once for two weeks but wanted to work things out cause we knew we loved each other.. Then a couple months after that he got a DUI.. It broke him.. He was so ashamed of what he did and was depressed about it. But what hit him even harder was he got demoted (he was a driver) and got a pay decrease..All our relationship he's been going through some crazy health issues. When I first met him he was probably around 200lbs or just over.. He went through a major surgury (he has BAD acid reflux so they detached his stomach from his esophogus and moved it up higher so he couldnt throw up anymore, and prevent the acid from coming up. He was bed ridden for months (and this is a guy who HAS to be on the move, always outside) He dropped to 140lbs.. We ended up gettting pregnant again. Had our 2nd daughter.. Got married a few months later.. Moved into our own place (we had lived at my mom's house when we got prego with our 1st, moved into his mom's right before our 1st was born, moved into our own place thats when we broke up and I moved back into my mom's, got back together and stayed there until after our 2nd was born, moved into our own place again a couple months ago) Right before we were moving out I found out I was pregnant again. We ended up deciding to get an abortion (his health was declining and we didnt know what was/is going to happen to him) it was the HARDEST most HEARTBREAKING moment for the both of us and I know we are still having a hard time with it. All this happened in less than 4 years...

Rebekah Garden x3 Due October 5 (boy); 33 kids; Fall River, Massachusetts 5223 posts
Aug 17th '13

Yes it could work. You two just have to commit for it to work. Stop the break up make up shit. Stop throwing the past at each other and put forth the effort! And both parties have to be willing to change! Good luck! I hope it works!

user banned 2 kids; Medina, New York 1612 posts
Aug 17th '13

just work through it. no relationship will ever be effortless. if you both want it to work, it can.

lolajessup 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Beaverton, Michigan 44076 posts
Aug 17th '13

Of course it can. If both of you want this it takes work. That's how all relationships start and it takes a lot of work from both to keep it alive. It's normal for it to have ups and downs, and it sounds like you have all had a lot of stress with his health, which is more reason to keep fighting.

ρiηkie ρie 3 kids; 3 angel babies; Kentucky 21902 posts
Aug 17th '13

SO and I have been together 9 years next month. We've been through a lot of shit together. And I do mean a lot. Money problems, job losses, miscarriages, health problems, horrible fights, cheating, I mean, we've literally run the gamut. We did split for a few months before having kids. Honestly? It was the best thing that could ever have happened for our relationship. SO needed to get his head on right and me walking away did that for him in a big way. Now, I won't say our relationship is perfect. Hell no, it's far from it and we've both fucked up in big ways over the years. We fight like cats and dogs sometimes. But we've always worked it out and we've always worked past it. That's what you do, you work at it. That lovey dovey shit at the beginning doesn't last in the long run, for anyone. You have to make an effort to make it last. And that goes both ways. He needs to put forth effort too. You can't hitch a horse to the front of a cart and hitch a horse to the back of the same cart and expect to get anywhere. You have to work together. And if both of your hearts aren't in it, there's no point. Sit him down and see where you stand. If he wants to make it work and so do you, pull up your boot straps and do it. That's all there is to it. Good luck mama.

Roo & Sophie's mama 2 kids; Denton, Texas 9318 posts
Aug 17th '13
Quoting Rebekah Garden x3:" Yes it could work. You two just have to commit for it to work. Stop the break up make up shit. Stop throwing ... [snip!] ... the past at each other and put forth the effort! And both parties have to be willing to change! Good luck! I hope it works!"

Very well said! DH and I went through a horrible period in our marriage where all we did was fight. We were both miserable and I was planning on leaving. Through a lot of work and committment to our marriage though we were able to make it through that rough patch. It has been two years since we almost divorced and I am so glad we decided to fight for our marriage because I love him more than anything in the world and I can't imagine my life without him.

Mommyof4<3<3<3 Due December 15; 3 kids; 2 angel babies; Red Deer, Alberta 731 posts
Aug 17th '13

Thank you ladies so much for your words. I needed to hear that there is still hope. I know our feelings are not lost, just confused in all the other things going on in our lives. I know we are not perfect and we both need to work this through. What makes me scared is he is so lost, confused and depressed about everything that he isn't thinking right about things. He knows he feels for me, he told me yesturday how attracted he is to me. He literally couldnt look at me in my eyes to talk without getting all butterfly flustered and when I asked him about it he said it was hard for him because of how much he's attracted to me.. Thats what got me thinking if that spark is still there can that be enough to want to make things better. Or can you still have those feelings and it not work.. In my heart I know it can. We just have to learn how to communicate better and be more understanding. We are on the same team but battling each other..