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just beyond pissed Rain (aka Mama) 3 kids; Monroe, Georgia 6503 posts
Aug 14th '13

I'm seriously pissed. Pissed and just... I don't even really have a word for it. Frustrated.



I have a box (like the size of a small moving box) that I keep all of Seth's things in. It has his clothes, it has pictures, and his favorite toys. It stays on the floor in my room because every now and then Aiden likes to look at the pictures or the toys and comment on when he and Seth played with whatever it was.



Anyway, Aiden had been in the box and he left Seth's jacket and shirt on top of the box instead of in it. DH, while cleaning, grabs them and goes to throw them in the trash. I asked him what he was doing. He gives me the 'duh' look and goes "throwing away stuff we don't need?" I went "Uh, NO, those are Seth's! They go in the Seth Box." He huffs and rolls his eyes and goes to put them back. I asked him what the problem was and he goes "There's no point in keeping it. You're just hoarding stuff in there."



How the hell am I "just hoarding stuff"? I know everyone deals with things differently, but really? It's one box and it's Seth's. He is NEVER going to accumulate more stuff, because he can't! He's not here. He's gone. He is gone... and it's wrong for me to keep his stuff in a f**king box??? Wrong enough that you'd get up and go to THROW AWAY his things without even saying a word? What the hell?



Have you ever gotten so pissed that you're seeing red, but you're crying at the same time? That's how I feel. I just... I don't get it. They're Seth's things. I want them. I want him... but those things are all I have left...

user banned TTC since Apr 2014; 2 kids; Middelfart, Denmark 15320 posts
Aug 14th '13

Just remember that people handle things differently. Some people hold on to things and some people let them go. I think it may be beneficial for you two to sit down and talk about how each of you deals with it and why, so you can better understand where you're each coming from.

Amy {OneGirl, TwoBoys} 3 kids; Cincinnati, Oh, United States 24257 posts
Aug 14th '13

it's one box. i'd be upset too of DH said that. i say let things cool off a little and address it in a little bit. you both need to grieve.



:hugs:

LA REINA™ New York, NY, United States 16690 posts
Aug 14th '13

I'm sorry, that would hurt my feelings a lot too.

Nicola. 2 kids; Manton, MI, United States 13398 posts
Aug 14th '13
Quoting Amy {OneGirl, TwoBoys}:" it's one box. i'd be upset too of DH said that. i say let things cool off a little and address it in a little bit. you both need to grieve. :hugs:"


:!:
I always feel like I should say something, anything. But I know it won't help you. I know we don't really know each other but you are always welcome to message me if you just need to vent or talk.

.Jezebel. TTC since Dec 2015; 1 child; Sumter, South Carolina 10053 posts
Aug 14th '13

Hugs mama! :(

Amy {OneGirl, TwoBoys} 3 kids; Cincinnati, Oh, United States 24257 posts
Aug 14th '13
Quoting Nicola.:" :!: I always feel like I should say something, anything. But I know it won't help you. I know we don't ... [snip!] ... help you. I know we don't really know each other but you are always welcome to message me if you just need to vent or talk."


exactly :(



Rain, take a few minutes to breathe. it'll be alright hon

xXkarriyXx Due September 29 (boy); 50 kids; British Columbia 269 posts
Aug 14th '13

u say seth is your step son . so he is your partners full blood child ? then maybe he does not want the reminder of his son passing and when he see's such things just wants them gone so they don't bring up bad feelings for him and so he won't havve to face the fact that he lost a child men take things alot diff then we women do

Onalee's Mummy Due August 26 (boy); 1 child; Newcastle, Australia 5355 posts
Aug 14th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting xXkarriyXx:</b>" u say seth is your step son . so he is your partners full blood child ? then maybe he does not want the ... [snip!] ... up bad feelings for him and so he won't havve to face the fact that he lost a child men take things alot diff then we women do "</blockquote>




It shouldn't make a difference whether he is biologically hers or not she still has the right to grieve in her own way

Vindictive Due July 23; 50 kids; Switzerland 31001 posts
Aug 14th '13
Quoting xXkarriyXx:" u say seth is your step son . so he is your partners full blood child ? then maybe he does not want the ... [snip!] ... up bad feelings for him and so he won't havve to face the fact that he lost a child men take things alot diff then we women do "


While that may be true, he should still respect her feelings about it. Putting them back in the box is keeping them out of sight, if that is his problem. Attempting to throw them away and then acting as if OP's feelings on the situation don't matter, is a big issue.



OP - I'm sorry. I would be pretty devastated if my husband did that. :(

Rain (aka Mama) 3 kids; Monroe, Georgia 6503 posts
Aug 14th '13
Quoting xXkarriyXx:" u say seth is your step son . so he is your partners full blood child ? then maybe he does not want the ... [snip!] ... up bad feelings for him and so he won't havve to face the fact that he lost a child men take things alot diff then we women do "


Yes... but regardless of the fact that I didn't birth him, he's still my baby. He has been since he was 6 months old and always will be.



I know different people grieve differently. Just the way he went about it and the complete disregard for his belongings... I dunno.

user banned 1 child; California 4565 posts
Aug 14th '13

TBH, I kept all my dads clothes after he passed for 3 years and the 1st year after he died we didn't move anything from his night stand and we kept his phone on so we could call it and hear his voice.
Weird, I know but if it comforts you I think it's fine

Nicola. 2 kids; Manton, MI, United States 13398 posts
Aug 15th '13
Quoting 1stTimeBabyMaker:" TBH, I kept all my dads clothes after he passed for 3 years and the 1st year after he died we didn't ... [snip!] ... stand and we kept his phone on so we could call it and hear his voice. Weird, I know but if it comforts you I think it's fine"


Not weird at all! It helped you feel close to him again!

user banned 1 child; California 4565 posts
Aug 15th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Nicola.:</b>" Not weird at all! It helped you feel close to him again!"</blockquote>




Thanks, I feel like it helped me move on with my life. Ill never ever forget but I think if I hadn't held onto those things it would have been a hell of a lot harder for me. Even now, 4yrs later, I still have a sweater, shirt and tie of his that I'm not getting rid of. The rest of the clothes I gave to my MIL to distribute throughout the homeless ministry she runs because that's what my dad would have wanted. It was hard but I feel good about it

Nicola. 2 kids; Manton, MI, United States 13398 posts
Aug 15th '13
Quoting 1stTimeBabyMaker:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Nicola.:</b>" Not weird at all! It helped you feel close to ... [snip!] ... throughout the homeless ministry she runs because that's what my dad would have wanted. It was hard but I feel good about it"


That's awesome his things went to help others. I am sorry for you loss but I am glad it seems you have found some closure. I have never lost anyone close to me. I can't fathom how hard it would be.