If your LO grew up without their father from infancy because he just plain wasn't around, and you met another man who helped raise them, what did you tell them about their real father?
DD is only two, but I've really been thinking about this because I know it'll happen before I know it.
SO and I have decided that since he's been around her entire life anyway, but we're not sure if BD is ever going to step up, we're going to wait and see if she WANTS to call SO dad.
If she ever asked me if he was her dad (right now she knows him by name), I've finally figured out what I would say and I want to know if this is okay or if this is what you'd tell your children.
"Most daddies have two jobs. Their first job is to help mommies make the babies. Then their second job is to be there to take care of the babies and make sure they're happy. Sometimes, though, a man can only do one of those jobs. You have a daddy that helped mommy get you here, but he wasn't ready to take care of a little girl. He didn't know that he'd do a good job of giving you the things you want, so that's why (my SO) is here. If you want to call him daddy you can because he's been there to help make sure you grow and learn, but you also have a daddy that helped make you and there's nothing that can change that."
I know it's long-winded, but I really want her to know from the beginning who BD is and why he isn't there. It was later that I was told that my mom wasn't my biological mom and I was so confused from it.
I am in a blended family situation.
My DH and I started dating when DD was 12 weeks old. Her father was 'around', but not enough to matter, at least not to her.
At 7 months, her first word was "Dada" and she said it to DH. I knew I wasn't ever going to persuade her to call him that, but wanted that option to be up to her. When she was of age to understand, (about 2), we told her to call him "DD" which stood for (Daddy Dave), because, honestly, it was upsetting her father (not me).
She did it for a little while, but because we persuaded her to do it, not because she wanted. So I again went back to my decision, "she knows there are 2 men in her life, both are her daddies, so can decide what to call them". She started calling my DH "Daddy" again. I have not corrected her for it, nor will I ever. Her dad on the other hand, keeps telling her to call him Step Daddy. Sorry, just doesn't flow from her mouth that way. And it upsets her when he tells her my DH is not her Daddy.
I told her, "if you feel that Dave (she knows his first name) is your Daddy, then you call him that." She said, "I want to call him Daddy", and I said, "ok, then it will be that way".
She talks to her grandmother, (which is her fathers mother), about my DH, and says Daddy, and will sometimes say, "no, not Jon, Dave", when she asks whos shes talking about. But its apart of her vocabulary.
Now, my SD, calls me Mommy, but it wasn't until DH and I got married. I met her father when she was 4, so it wasn't like I had any early influence on her. She asked me when we got married if she could call me Mommy, and said, "if you feel that I am your Mommy, I'd be honored to be called that."
And has called me that ever since. Both my daughters are 9 and 5.
My husband grew up thinking his step dad was his real dad. he didn't find out till he was 18 that he wasn't his real dad. He didn't take it will. he was mad that everyone was lying to him for so long. So don't do that lol.