Millitary & Marriage Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
May 30th '13

I guess this is a question for millitary wives, but maybe for the general opinion as well...

I never really questioned or honestly cared about the topic (to each their own, ya know)... up until recently. I have a girl cousin... who was casually dating her brother's friend... as in not official, not even serious, and openly dating other ppl... he ended up joining the Air Force... so a month or so before he is to deploy... he asks my cousin to marry him. She's like WTF, we aren't even in a serious relationship, why would I marry you. Just because you're about to be deployed?!? And well, we talked about it, and I found it a bit ridiculous as well...

This isn't the 1st time I've come acrross the situation in my own experience with regard to friends... and being on here I've read a lot of different topics coming from "servicemen wives" and so it has led to ask the question...

What is it about being in the millitary that ... idk... makes servicemen/women want to get married so early on, or so quickly in a relationship... and seemingly just prior to deployment. I know this probably isn't the case with all of them, but it appears to be the case with the majority.

Personally I just don't get it. Is there some kind of romanticism to getting married to a serviceman who's about to leave for X amount of time? Why the rush? If you know you're not going to see each other for a long time, why rush into marriage or start a marriage in that fashion? Is it a fear of not returning or not having something to return to? Is it done for military benefits?

Just curious to know the thought process behind making that leap. And please... don't come in here with your panties in a bunch or all defensive over the matter... I'm not asking you to defend your decisions... moreso just want to know your points of view and/or reasoning.

Cat.Woman. 2 kids; Gotham City, PA, United States 8669 posts
May 30th '13

Well a lot of military men do it. My SO did it. He didn't want to go to his first station alone, so he asked his gf at the time to marry him.

Super Mommy! 4 kids; ☺, CA, United States 16069 posts
May 30th '13

Money. Not all, but a lot of it, for the wrong/no reason is for money purposes. It's quite common.

LA REINA™ New York, NY, United States 16690 posts
May 30th '13

I think it's a loneliness thing mixed with the fact that back in the day people got married young and a lot of people were military.

mrs jones ♥ 2 kids; Universal City, Texas 2682 posts
May 30th '13

I've never really met anybody that got married right before a deployment or in that kind of relationship and wanting to get married, but I would assume he's trying to get family separation allowance. That's kinda what it sounds like to me.

Me & my friends say all the time that "the military forces ppl to get married." Usually we only say that when its a mil to mil couple. What we mean by that usually is if 2 ppl are in a serious relationship, and 1 person gets orders, the other person won't go unless they're married. I have many friends that got married mil to mil so really early in their relationship, just because of that.

3Air Force Brats 3 kids; Portales, NM, United States 1538 posts
May 30th '13

Fear of leaving said person behind and moving on...

Or in most cases.. BAH or.. more money. which is why the divorce rate in military is so high.

user banned Due December 15 (girl); 1 child; Colorado 1484 posts
May 30th '13

I've seen different reasons.
Sometimes it is for the benefits and that they get more money.
Contract marriages are a mutual agreement about being married just for the extra money. Both parties generally are still free to do whatever they want with whoever they want.
Another reason is fear of dying. Which is another reason I've seen so many military families have children quickly.
Wanting to have someone to come back home to. The feeling that they have someone at home who loves them and is waiting giving them a reason to come home.
Idk just a few things I've seen and talked to people about.

Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
May 30th '13

The divorce rate is high even for "civilian families"... which to me, makes the question of millitary marriage even more of a puzzle... but I guess there's many reasons (right or wrong) as to why it is done in the 1st place.

Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
May 30th '13

Yes, servicemen should all be unloving unwed robot-like drones! / end sarcasm.

I'm saying ... if even conventional marriage itself is on the fritz with its
"regular" issues (as I'll assume you'd call them)... I would figure that servicemen perhaps knowing the "special issues" that come along w/millitary marriage wouldn't be as quick to jump the gun on getting married...

again, this is why I asked about the reasoning behind doing so. Some of the reasons given were based on financials, others on "love", some on fear... etc...

Anyways... I don't fault ppl for wanting to get married despite the challenges it presents (milliatary and/or civilian)... just wondering about those types that I brought up in my example.

-GoldenGirls 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Lebanon, Mo, United States 1729 posts
May 30th '13

I've been married twice, to military men. The first, when I was in the Marine Corps, my exhusband was a guy I had known for years. Since highschool. Got married at 21. Left him 11 months later because he cheated on me, and was abusive.

My second and current husband I met at a wedding in 2011. Also a Marine. We got married almost 6 months to the day that we met. Even when he is gone (he is deployed currently), I don't feel lonely. I know he's there, I know he loves me, and together we can get through a deployment. It's a couple of months, compared to the rest of our lives.

Sometimes, I truly believe it takes a special kind of person to stick with a military marriage. When I was in the Marine Corps, a friend of mine was discharged after 2 years of service for some mental issues. She was married to another Marine who was going to be deployed. With in a month after he deployed, she was cheating on him.

I've also met wives who have been with their husbands for 20 years, and they still look at each other like they did when they were in the honey moon phase.

For me, it's worth it. Every time he worked 18 hour days or was put on duty, or got leave cut short,'s worth being with him and working through it all.

Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
Jun 3rd '13
Quoting Jas ♥:" Forgive me but you sound ignorant."

Lacking knowledge on the subject... yea. Hence why I asked for the insight. :)

Jeronimo 2 kids; California 1436 posts
Jun 3rd '13
Quoting ⚓ Sarah ⚓:" whats with the quote around love? Do you feel like they cant be in love? Were you burned by a service member or something? "

No. I don't personaly know any service members. Friends or otherwise.