Surrogate moms or moms who've Adopted out Love_beingMOM 18 kids; Michigan 1282 posts
May 26th '13

Hi, any mom's who have acted as a surrogate or given your own baby up for adoption, I was wondering if the emotional attachment of it all was too much for you guys? Right now, I'm considering a really confusing situation... A 30 something year old guy that my husband and I are friends with has always wanted to be a father. He's fallen in love with a woman who can't have any kids of her own. She had to have a hysterectomy at a young age. She also has a blood disease & as a result of that, had a head injury.. With all of her medical problems, she's thinking they wouldn't be good candidates for adopting through an agency. Including the sheer cost of it, which I completely understand about... We see them probably about 4/5 times a year during the summer, including my own kids' birthday parties. First my husband and he were talking about it; then my husband brought it up to me; then we all briefly spoke about it.. So, now I'm considering acting as an egg donor and a surrogate for them. My egg; his sperm.. I carry & have the baby; they take it home & are the parents. Basically I would be adopting 'my' baby to the father of it & his wife.
I love my own two kids more than anything in the world.. So I just don't know if I could not be too emotionally attached, or be able to not be judgmental on their parenting values or decisions. I feel like this is something that I really want to do, because I can't get the thought out of my head now.. I feel like this would be such a wonderful gift to give someone who knows they cannot have a child of their own. I just don't know if I could keep the mindset of me not being the mom or be able to see that child & not want to take it home with me. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that....
Also, I'm used to this type of situation with the openness of it all. My SIL adopted her daughter from her not-so-close friend. She's been the mother since before birth , and I think it is such a wonderful thing. Her daughter is all the better for being adopted though, because her birth mother was in a really bad marriage. Her birth mom is now like another aunt. So, the situation doesn't feel quite so strange to me, except for the fact that I love my own kids so much, I would only be doing this for them, and don't know if I could let go with something like this...

Jessica & Kaleb TTC since Nov 2015; 1 child; 3 angel babies; Massachusetts 5879 posts
May 26th '13

i cant really give u advice but i just wanted to say ur an amazing person for even considering it!
I hope you can and give them a baby.... i think no matter what it will be hard on you, but if u tell urself from the begining why ur doing it and try not to get attached ull be ok. No matter what its going to be the hardest and best thing ull ever do in ur life.

i dnt know u, but from reading this IMO ull be fine! GL

Rebekah Garden x3 Due October 5 (boy); 33 kids; Fall River, Massachusetts 5223 posts
May 26th '13

I have not done this. I wante dto say that it is amazing that you would even consider it! You are wonderful :) I honestly do not think I could ever be an egg donor or actually adopt out my own child though. I believe I would become too attached to it! I think I would also feel a need to have a say in how they are parenting. If you think you could do it though, good for you :) I really hope it works out!!

Love_beingMOM 18 kids; Michigan 1282 posts
May 26th '13

Thank you to both of you! I just know how much it can affect someone's life, because even though my niece's birth parents were doing it for their own personal reasons, they still gave my SIL and her husband the best thing that's ever happened to them. My SIL had had a miscarriage and wasn't sure if she would be able to conceive again. She is their first daughter and is loved so much from our family and her birth family both!! Also, it took me two years before I conceived my first child, then I had a miscarriage that time as well. So I know the heartache of just thinking that maybe you can't have children.. I can't even imagine what it feels like to know that you can never have kids of your own..
I'm thinking that if I keep in my mindset that I am just the egg donor & surrogate and they are the parents, then I may be able to do it.. I guess I'm just afraid I might change my mind or feelings (especially with raging hormonal pregnant & postpartum feelings). Also, I'm afraid I might experience postpartum depression from it & not be able to be my all for my own kids! Just afraid & unsure of myself I guess.. Plus I'm not sure if it would be harder or easier on me with it being so open.