Is my SO the only one? Vent! itslex_xo Due July 16 (girl); 1 child; St. Petersburg, Florida 16 posts
Apr 16th '13

I feel like I have been pulling all the weight for the last few months. I don't feel like this is something I can talk to him about, because everytime I do he just gets annoyed or helps for a while then goes back to his old wys. I pay a big majority of the bills and have to literally control the money, even his paychecks, because he can't be responsible with it. He often leaves work early, leaving his paychecks short on hourly pay which I in returned end up working extra hours to make up for. When he's home he's sleeping, playing video games, hanging out with friends or watching tv. I do all the laundry and cleaning, anytime I ask for help he gets annoyed like I am constantly nagging at him. When I do ask him to do things, and eventually just end up doing them myself. I'm tired and I need help, is there a way to make him want to help me? I will be on leave in a few months and due to prior issues I haven't been able to save up a whole lot, so he will be our main source of income. I feel lost here. Has anyone else had a problem like this? I feel like if he gave me just a little help without me having to ask, or worked a little harder we would get along much better. What am I doing wrong? Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

Buckeye Due August 13; 3 kids; 1 angel baby; Mt Gilead, Ohio 882 posts
Apr 16th '13

Sounds like he needs to man up and get his priorities straight. He is inmature. A real man does all he can to provide for his family. So many guys these days think it is fine and dandy that the women does it all. I have no other advise then that. My DH puts us first and works long hours to make sure we are provided for. I am blessed to be with a man that still feels it is his job to care for his family.

Derp Camp Lejeune, NC, United States 11615 posts
Apr 16th '13

You're not doing anything wrong. It's not your job to be his mommy and tell him what to do... He's not a freaking kid. He needs to grow the hell up and act like a real man. Unfortunately emasculating a man doesn't work, it only makes a man more resentful and unmotivated. I can remember trying to get an ex to get the f**k up and start working once we moved out of state. He just wouldn't get a job and I eventually went into debt trying to make ends meet. I felt like I had no other options because I didn't want to lose him and knew putting my foot down would probably result in that.

Quite honestly you need to ask yourself if this is the kind of person you really want to spend your life with. If he has a family he's supposed to be caring for but can't get his shit together what makes you think he'll be changing any time soon? Nothing can make him change except himself. You can sit down together and tell him that you're genuinely concerned and see how that plays out but chances are it won't change anything given what you've said about him. I'm sorry =/

If I were you I would think seriously about whether or not it's best to remain with someone like that. You deserve better.