Reply
BG Secrets *long* BG Secrets Arizona 4906 posts
Apr 16th '13

First off, I love my husband. He's been my best friend since we were 13. When we were just friends I NEVER imagined that I would end up falling in love with him. It just happened one day. We were so happy and ended up formalizing our relationship - he was 19 & I was 18. everything was perfect. I've been through many hardships throughout my life, just as anyone else has. He's known them ALL. He's the one person who know everything. He was such a gentleman, everything a girl would want. He was the flowers for no reason, dance in an empty parking lot, random dates & surprises kind of guy. After a year, I ended up getting pregnant, we are now married & have our own place. perfect.



The problem is that I have an ex (X) that I have been craazzzyyyy about since I was about 14. I'm almost 21 now. We had been off & on from when we were 14 to when DH and I got together. I love him. He's not the ideal partner, though. He's a pothead, unmotivated & just sort of drifts through life. but i love him. He's sooo much fun to be around. I could talk to him for days and never get bored. every time I see him or think about him I feel butterflies. Everyone knows about us -including DH. Everyone knew how much we liked each other, how well we clicked.



DH, on the other hand, is the ideal partner. He works hard, is ambitious, has goals, doesn't like to party, smoke or drink, isn't a womanizer, is a great father.



When DH and I got together it made him uncomfortable that X and I were still friends. I would still speak to him and hang out with him behind DH's back. I never cheated. I have never ever loved someone like I love him and I don't think I ever could. He just recently spoke to my sisters and asked about me. He asked how I was doing, etc and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since. I almost feel like it would be worth splitting up with DH if I could just be friends with him again. like it all wouldn't matter as long as I could just see him.



But I have a family. I have my child to think about. and it would be extremely selfish of me to go behind my husband's back & ruin my family just for that moment. It's just so hard. I know that X loves me too. Every time we'd stop talking for whatever reason we could just pick up where we left off. I never even told him I was married or pregnant. He recently found out a few months ago. I miss him so much.



Idk I just needed to vent I guess. I have been thinking about him non stop & needed to get it out. I know I sound like a stupid teenage girl but what I feel for X is so strong.

Turtley Mikey Due October 31; 2 kids; California 50611 posts
Apr 16th '13

Cut ties with X ASAP. You don't want to ruin your happy marriage cause of a fling with an unmotivated pothead.

jazzzzz* 2 kids; Beverly Hills, California 7558 posts
Apr 16th '13

I've never been in this situation, but my cousin was in your same exact position. She chose her husband. I don't think she's as happy as she could be.

user banned (boy); 2 kids; f**king, Austria 36337 posts
Apr 16th '13

Sounds more like lust, then love.



I wouldn't jeopardize my family for that.

castaway 2 kids; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 20306 posts
Apr 16th '13

I'm sorry, your last line summed it up for me. You DO sound like a love sick teenager.



I would cool it, and let time pass. You sound like you have A LOT of growing up to do.

Akeema 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Kissimmee, FL, United States 6824 posts
Apr 16th '13

You need to figure out who you love more, then go for it. If it is x fine you just need to stop hurting your SO with it and get on with your life with X or with your SO either way. STOP and figure it out and finalize it, I have been in your SO's shoes and it's like having a dagger shoved in to your chest by the person you love and watching them rotate it while looking at someone else. It is the most horrible thing I have EVER been through and would NEVER want to put someone else through that kind of pain.

user banned 21 kids; North Dakota 3800 posts
Apr 16th '13

Been in this exact situation, only I was dumb enough to break up my family and go for the ex. It ended horribly...I knew ex was a horrible partner and I can't say what I was ever thinking but he sure didn't change just because I came back to him. Don't do it.

Arks Mama! ಠ_ಠ 1 child; Utah 2548 posts
status Apr 16th '13

He's not worth losing your family over.

.Jezebel. TTC since Dec 2015; 1 child; Sumter, South Carolina 10053 posts
Apr 16th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" First off, I love my husband. He's been my best friend since we were 13. When we were just friends I ... [snip!] ... about him non stop & needed to get it out. I know I sound like a stupid teenage girl but what I feel for X is so strong. "</blockquote>



I'm not sure I understand how you can "love" someone so much but want to be with someone else. And I'm noIt trying to be mean at all. It just seems that maybe you don't love DH as much as you think if you are considering things with X.

Crystallight 2 kids; 1065 posts
Apr 16th '13
Quoting ℳary ℐane:" Sounds more like lust, then love. I wouldn't jeopardize my family for that. "


agree

Akeema 2 kids; 1 angel baby; Kissimmee, FL, United States 6824 posts
Apr 16th '13
Quoting sαяα:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" First off, I love my husband. He's been my ... [snip!] ... trying to be mean at all. It just seems that maybe you don't love DH as much as you think if you are considering things with X."


True, if you really loved your DH then you would never even think about X.

Allys_mommy 1 child; 2 angel babies; Waterloo, New York 1373 posts
Apr 16th '13

lets see unmotivated pothead verses hard working man whoo would do anything for you shouldnt be a hard decision. the x has bad news written all over him

♔ BαtMαɳ Due April 8; Gotham, DC, United States 91107 posts
status Apr 16th '13
Quoting Mrs. God of Thunder:" Cut ties with X ASAP. You don't want to ruin your happy marriage cause of a fling with an unmotivated pothead."


:!:

[38 weeks!] Due May 31 (boy); 1 child; Colorado 3032 posts
Apr 16th '13
Quoting sαяα:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" First off, I love my husband. He's been my ... [snip!] ... trying to be mean at all. It just seems that maybe you don't love DH as much as you think if you are considering things with X."


Agreed!

user banned (boy); 2 kids; f**king, Austria 36337 posts
Apr 16th '13
Quoting Akeema:" True, if you really loved your DH then you would never even think about X."

People have crushes on other people all the time. It's human.



Acting on it, is different.