I have been so emotional lately and try my damndest to keep a good mood for my son ( year and a half). Last weekend I got in yet another fight with DH which actually resulted in him crying and apologizing for treating me like he does. He knows he is verbally abusive....he admits to taking his stress out on me...he is so tucking passive aggressive I can only take so much. Well we had another fight the next day (Sunday) and he was a complete a*****e to me again....right before company came over he was yelling at me and putting me down. After they left he was in a good mood and was just like Oh sorry I have been grumpy. That's it....then he fell asleep on the couch. I feel like his room mate half the time that he doesn't even like me. All this tension builds up inside of me and I feel like its affecting my parenting...I had thoughts of hitting my baby this morning....I hate myself for thinking like that....Im so stressed out but I feel like I am crazy for getting this emotional. Sometimes I feel like we need to just live separately because I want to be the parent to my child. Sorry if this was confusing
Im like bawling typing this. May be a post and run...
He either needs to go to anger management and counseling, or you need to leave. It's not okay to treat you like that, and it's not fair to your son.
Do you still love him?
I understand. I felt the exact same way, it took me until my son was almost 2 to leave. I feel like I missed out on so much of his life because I was so distracted and preoccupied with DH(we were broken up for 8 months, he got help and completely change, and we got back together and are happier than ever).
You will feel so much better once you leave and can focus on yourself and your child. I know I did.
<blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" So he apologized then turned around and did the same thing again and just expects you to forget it? ... [snip!] ... on an ultimatum for him changing or ending the relationship, especially since it is effecting your relationship with your lo :("</blockquote>
He keeps saying he wants to change and he is trying....but its always another excuse....he's stressed out right now cuz of this or this. We've been together for 8 years and I'm just at my limit...but at the same time I feel like its wrong to walk away now that we have a kid.
I have told him to stop or I am leaving...and he did so much better but it just falls right back into the same thing. I question myself half the time
<blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" Of course you know none of this is your baby's fault. Remember that when you want to strike him because ... [snip!] ... leave, then talk. Also I'd speak with a Dr about how you feel and maybe you can get some help such as counseling or medication."</blockquote>
I know...Its a thought that flashed in my head and Im like .tf I need to calm down...so I walk away for a minute. You are right I need to go to counseling.
I know just thinking it is a big red flag
<blockquote><b>Quoting MommyToWesley:</b>" He either needs to go to anger management and counseling, or you need to leave. It's not okay to treat you like that, and it's not fair to your son. Do you still love him?"</blockquote>
I will always love him...but its hard to feel "in love" right now
<blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" Changing is really, really hard. It just doesn't seem genuine since he started the same shit and ... [snip!] ... on changing and turning around and doing the very same thing that he apologized for within 24 hours is just not proof to me."</blockquote>
He went a week where he was really nice and genuinely seemed to have changed...but when he gets stressed...it starts up again.
I'm just going to have to tell him how its affecting me and that I am going to leave if he doesn't quit....but even then I feel like it will only last so long....Then part of me is like what if I am just fucked up and I am blaming my instability on him
<blockquote><b>Quoting Just Ames:</b>" Well I understand intrusive thoughts. When you have them though, it's time to address it. I feel your ... [snip!] ... main stress factor for you so perhaps a little break while you both work on yourselves, and your relationship would be best."</blockquote>
I feel like that's a good idea. I don't want to say that he is making me have these thoughts....but he is causing alt of stress on me and its not a good environment for LO ultimately
You need to give him an ultimatum. Either seek professional help & counselling with you or pack up LO and leave. Like someone else said, that's a toxic environment for LO
<blockquote><b>Quoting .Colleen.:</b>" Is he open to medication or therapy for the stress/anxiety? I know most men are not, which makes ... [snip!] ... You would never forgive yourslf or him :( I am glad that you recognize how serious it is getting and I wish I could help you"</blockquote>
He agreed to couples counseling.
I really hate that I have come to just THINKING of hitting him....I'm not even a spanking type of parent....the opposite actually I am more AP then anything.
I definitely need to go to counseling for myself either way....I feel like my self esteem is probably shot to shit
I have to go but thank you ladies so much for responding and for your advice
<blockquote><b>Quoting Will☮Creedence:</b>" I understand. I felt the exact same way, it took me until my son was almost 2 to leave. I feel like I ... [snip!] ... and are happier than ever). You will feel so much better once you leave and can focus on yourself and your child. I know I did."</blockquote>
That's exactly how I feel....I don't want a mindset like this anymore...We spent almost a week a part once...he was screaming at me/slamming things so loud during a fight the neighbors called the cops...I asked him to leave and during that week we were separated I felt soo much better. Like a shadow had been lifted or something. I guess I can't keep waiting for him to just wake up and change. It's been years and years of this.