Would this bother you? AFK Australia 18873 posts
Mar 11th '13

My SO's schedule is:

Mon & Tues: 5-6am gym, 7am-5:30pm work, 6:30-8pm karate class.
Wed: 4-5am gym, 6am-4:30pm work, 5:30-6:30pm boxing fitness class, 6:30-8pm karate class.
Thu & Fri: 5-6am gym, 7am-5:30pm work, home 6pm.
Sat: 10am- 12pm karate class.

That doesn't include travel time.

Everyone is telling me that's crazy, he's spending so much time out. I mean, I'm happy he's so much into his fitness & has a hobby and isn't just sitting at the pub... So that isn't the issue. My issue is that when he's home, he's just exhausted and cranky and doesn't act like part of a family & when I address it, he says he'll try harder on the weekends, but the weekends come and he does the same old nothing & says I'm only angry because I expect him to do everything. I don't, I just want him to make an effort to maintain a relationship with his kids, and with me. My sons are 5 & 3 and they always ask "why does daddy take so long to get home?" Mostly he doesn't even see them on Mon, Tue, Wed unless they evade bedtime. I have another baby due in June and I'm so tired. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm starting to honestly feel like I'm a single mum... I just hate feeling like he's sacrificing his family, we're the thing that suffers because he's tired, because he's burning the candle at both ends.

I've been more than patient as this has been going on for over 2 months now... I've been trying to get my point across, practically begging him just to make more of an effort within the home, that's all he has to do to make me happy but he just can't seem to, it's like it's all or nothing... I don't want to ask him to give it up but I don't know what else to do... I mean, he works a lot so yeah he deserves something for himself, but it's so full on... It's like we're not even in a partnership anymore, he's just like the teenage son coming and going...

user banned Vancouver, British Columbia 5643 posts
Mar 11th '13

His schedule wouldn't bother me but the fact he's neglecting his fatherly/husband role would. My SO is very busy and does kung-fu but as soon as he gets home he cleans and takes care of LO.

A is Me 1 child; South Carolina 3782 posts
Mar 11th '13

Sounds like he needs to cut something out cause he's spreading himself way too thin. Let him know that you don't mind his hobbies, you are happy for him, but its just too much on his plate and his kids miss him. Maybe if he cut out the karate classes mon tues and just went on Saturday? Or vice versa so he could actually sleep in on Saturday and spend the day with family. He's gone for 15 hours or close to it most week days, that leaves little room for anything else than sleep. Maybe trying to explain it in a practical way like that, like his schedule is too full, would get through to him better than being emotional ( although you have a right to be! I'm just thinking up what will work :))

Booger & Bubba's Mommy 18 kids; Illinois 8136 posts
Mar 11th '13

The fact that his hobby is coming before his children would bother me. He is spending 12+ hours a week by himself for himself. That's not fair to the children.

JustDucky 2 kids; Lubbock, TX, United States 1189 posts
Mar 11th '13

I would just explain to him that you don't have a problem with his schedule, but it is exhausting him and making the time he is able to spend home with his family not enjoyable time because he is so tired. Between mine and my DH work schedule we never really even see each other Tues-Fri. He leaves for work at 4:45am and gets home around 5pm ish. I work until 7:30, or later if we are busy or have emergencys, so I am lucky to be home by 8:30, especially if I have to pick DD up from my moms. It was very stressful in the beginning because he was so tired, but he has adjusted well. Good luck mama!

Madi's*Mama Due November 2; 1 child; Holland, Michigan 7391 posts
Mar 11th '13
Quoting Booger & Bubba's Mommy:" The fact that his hobby is coming before his children would bother me. He is spending 12+ hours a week by himself for himself. That's not fair to the children."


*B & D Mommy* Due January 19; 2 kids; Illinois 16283 posts
Mar 11th '13

It seems he is putting everything else over his family. That wouldn't fly with me. Why can't he do some workouts at home? That way he is still doing something, but without the travel time and all that. That way since he isn't taking so long, maybe he will be able to focus more on his family and their needs.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42788 posts
Mar 11th '13

Yeah.... I'd say he needs to cut something out. Do YOU get any alone time to focus on your own hobbies?