I have a very close friend who has a 14 month old son. When he was 3 weeks old, she had to leave his father and move home with her parents because her sons father hit him, dumped formula on him.... It was awful and I felt terrible for her and was so impressed with her strength during that time...
It's been a year. She got in a new relationship about two months after that happened with her son, she went to school, she got a job, she quit her job. I try not to judge things she does because I know she's going through a lot more than me, and I probably don't fully understand her situation...
Recently she's been complaining about her mom treating her poorly, being irritated with her. She told me her mom doesn't want to give her son baths every night anymore... Then she told me that at least once a week her son sleeps with his grandmother... Then she told me she had been going out every night for a week after putting her son down and couldn't figure out why her mom was so cranky
She keeps asking me for advice, otherwise I would just ignore all this stuff....
But I know that my mom would be pissed if I was putting that much of the responsibility of raising my child on her. I understand everyone needs a break, but it seems like my friend is at the point where she no longer understands that being a parent is a full time job....
She just told me her son is "bullying" the other kids at his daycare, to the point that the teacher has to sit with him all day. I have her the same advice I would have given any of my friends, but then she says to me "he's really testing his boundaries at home. I really need to tell my mom to let me parent."
I said "you have to show your mom that you're capable"
Sooooooo........at what point and how would I even begin to tell her that what she's doing right now is not showing her mom she's capable? That she's getting more "breaks" than any other parents I know, especially considering her son is in daycare and she is currently unemployed? I don't want to lose her as a friend, but lately I've lost a lot of respect for her....SO hates her now because every time she's here, she immediately will ask SO to watch her son and he feels obligated to... My other friends that know her situation are also just kind of writing her off at this point. I feel like I must be misunderstanding something about her situation because the person she's acting lik right now is soooo different from how she used to be
Fist i would tell her as ousider advise STOP GOING OUT.... secound if she is unemployed she needs to pull him out of day care inless thats the only way to keep him in wile she in school she needs to step out of the box and start doing EVERYTHING for her son as a mom. Once she does that her mother may treat her better and be willing to watch her son.
I live with my mom and my mom will not watch my youngest witch is who i need a break from sometimes but will watch my oldest.
So most the time i take them both anywhere and everywhere, i am unemployed and in school, my mom and husband seem to have forgoten i have homework so most nights i am up late so i can do it when they are in bed.... yah it suck but thats life.
Quoting ღFrodoliciousღ:" How old is she to be out partying like there's no tomorrow all the time? She needs to get her priorities right, her child comes before all else. "
Im 23 and can't even tell u the last time me and my husband had a date alone we always have one kid
<blockquote><b>Quoting Click Me Click Me!!!:</b>" Fist i would tell her as ousider advise STOP GOING OUT.... secound if she is unemployed she needs to ... [snip!] ... have forgoten i have homework so most nights i am up late so i can do it when they are in bed.... yah it suck but thats life."</blockquote>
I have said to her "you need to stop letting your mom do anything to help" and she says she already has...and then will tell me something that contradicts it.
I just told her "having a kid is HARD and it's going to get harder"... She just needs to get her shit together.
I feel the EXACT same way you do... I have been out without DD once since she was born and plan on doing it again tonight. SO and I are constantly stressed because of it. But I can't blame anyone but us. We had a baby, no one else
Her son is still in daycare because its state funded and if she pulls him out she might lose the funding and then not be able to get a job and while I understand that, having all that time to not do shit all day means she needs to be stepping up helping at her moms with cleaning, and get her socializing done during the day when she has nothing else to do... I just don't understand her
<blockquote><b>Quoting ღFrodoliciousღ:</b>" How old is she to be out partying like there's no tomorrow all the time? She needs to get her priorities right, her child comes before all else. "</blockquote>
She's 22 going on 15 ;)
I don't see how anyone could take someone seriously who wants to go out and party every night, even if it's after putting the child to bed. Does her kid sleep through the night or is her mother the one having to get up with her kid and help him back to sleep?
And I don't see why she would be complaining about the bathing of her child, she can easily do that it's not that hard the longest part would probably even just be filling the tub she can easily do that on her own without her mothers help., it'd take maybe 5 minutes without giving the kid time in there to play.
One of my cousins was doing this to her mom after she had her kid and her mom ended up taking custody because she was the one paying and doing all the caring for the baby. :/
About a month ago, I posted in a private group my friends and I have about how exhausted and frustrated I was because SO hadnt given me a break in weeks and I'm the only one who ever wakes up with the baby... And she responded by saying "I can't relate to this at all, I don't have anyone to give me breaks"
Uh what? She is constantly telling me she does these things because she's a single mom, which is fine whatever, but then don't be surprised that your mom seems to doubt your ability to parent on your own when you're clearly demonstrating that you can't
Quoting ღFrodoliciousღ:" Hell, SO and I get the grandparents to sit for us ONCE in a blue moon, but I couldn't even begin to ... [snip!] ... think of leaving her with someone multiple times a week to go out. That girl sounds like freaking Jenelle from Teen Mom 2... "
My MIL has watched them 2x once when i had school and my friend was having her issues, and then the last time it was only my son because i could not take my son with us to the hospital to have her tubes placed.