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624582 Neilton, Washington 9312 posts
Feb 22nd '13
Quoting xTJ:" Oh I get it just fine. It can be called a "benefit", an "allowance", a "perk" or whatever, I mean you ... [snip!] ... of life due to my work and social circle I think I'm probably a better judge of what "Most Europeans" attitudes are on things."


If you get it then you're focusing more on the words tax break, credit, blah, blah, whatever f**king blah rather than outright saying that you don't support SAHPs. Which is cool, I'm not offended. I'll just chalk it up to cultural differences. :wink:

KissMeFinnNelson<3 1 child; 2 angel babies; Glasgow, Scotland, UK, United Kingdom 5419 posts
Feb 22nd '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting xTJ:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" ... [snip!] ... it makes you feel better for your clear short comings and blatant rudeness in here, by all means. I am not going to stop you!"</blockquote>




Classic.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
Feb 22nd '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:</b>" I guess you'll just have to speak with him and see what is more important to you guys - the big, expensive ... [snip!] ... year or so. A year really isn't very long and if you're careful, I'm sure you guys can save plenty for a beautiful wedding. :)"</blockquote>




Most definitely!! We paid for our own and saved for a year. We bought as we went. The more you do on your own, the less it costs.



I was married in Prescott :wink:

**Quinn** 1 child; f**k it, CA, United States 5205 posts
Feb 22nd '13
Quoting xTJ:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:</b>" For most of us, our marriage is much more ... [snip!] ... all their faith on a piece of paper and I'll continue feeling and sharing mine in the heart of the person I love and my heart."


Lol, I don't think my marriage COMES from a piece of paper. I married my husband because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and we both wanted a marriage. You married your husband solely so that you could make medical decisions for him. Ok then.

Destinite 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Paradise, FL, United States 35080 posts
Feb 22nd '13
Quoting Captain Lauren + ?:" No and yes. He was the first on from his family (and he has 7 other brothers and sisters) to have a GED, ... [snip!] ... til we are better off so we can bring in his family and kind of snub my family. (My family didn't/doesn't approved of him) "

I can understand that. Why don't they approve? I'm sure that makes things a lot more difficult.

**Quinn** 1 child; f**k it, CA, United States 5205 posts
Feb 22nd '13
Quoting Not tellin:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:</b>" I guess you'll just have to speak with ... [snip!] ... and saved for a year. We bought as we went. The more you do on your own, the less it costs. I was married in Prescott :wink:"


Prescott is gorgeous! :)

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
Feb 22nd '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Lauren + ?:</b>" No and yes. He was the first on from his family (and he has 7 other brothers and sisters) to have a GED, ... [snip!] ... til we are better off so we can bring in his family and kind of snub my family. (My family didn't/doesn't approved of him) "</blockquote>




Oh. That doesn't make a good marriage. My monster in law and skunt in law were nasty to me from day one. No reason. The skunt is older than hubby so jealousy was a factor and Monster has control issues. It had really made some hard times on our marriage. We finally put an end to most of the crap this last spring.



I strongly advise that before you two get married, you find a way for your family to understand why he is the one for you and for them to all get along. You certainly don't want children in that mess. My skunt in law has never once acknowledged my kids. My twins will be 5 in may and my son is 2. The girls are starting to ask questions. Once in a while it slips that hubby had a sister and we struggle to explain why she doesn't call like my sister does. I have a bum sister but that one they understand and my other sister makes up for it. My skunt in law saw the girls when they were 6 months old over thanksgiving. In a 4 day period she didn't once touch them, look at them, say one word about them. She ignored their presence.



All I am saying is that a marriage is more than just you and him. Especially when kids come along. It is best to work it all out before hand. In my case, I didn't know my skunt in law hated me or was playing manipulation games with the monster until I was married 2 years. Fix it early if you can.

**Quinn** 1 child; f**k it, CA, United States 5205 posts
Feb 22nd '13
Quoting Not tellin:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Lauren + ?:</b>" No and yes. He was the first on from ... [snip!] ... skunt in law hated me or was playing manipulation games with the monster until I was married 2 years. Fix it early if you can."


For sure. They say you don't just marry him, you marry the whole family.
Of course the most important thing is that you two are happy but that's difficult to do with a nagging family member(s). OP, is your family justified in disliking him (if you look at it from a neutral outside perspective)? Luckily my family loves DH, and his family loves me (at least that I know of, lol).

KissMeFinnNelson<3 1 child; 2 angel babies; Glasgow, Scotland, UK, United Kingdom 5419 posts
Feb 22nd '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting 624582:</b>" If you get it then you're focusing more on the words tax break, credit, blah, blah, whatever f**king ... [snip!] ... saying that you don't support SAHPs. Which is cool, I'm not offended. I'll just chalk it up to cultural differences. :wink:"</blockquote>




It is a cultural difference, a massive one. I've not got an issue with SAHP, however in our society we don't expect our Goverment to set up a situation where there is a financial incentive available to a couple where one is not working to get Married for this joint tax break. It creates a situation where it could be a better prospect to get Married and have one parent staying at home not working and in some sense being financially rewarded for that. That is how that type of thing would be viewed here. We have got a massive backlash right now in what is referred to as "benefit scroungers". It is a massive political issue here, it is on the news daily, in the national newspapers, being discussed on tv constantly, in parliament, there has been frequent "benefit reforms" to fix the "budget" announced live by the Prime Minister (our version of a President) every few months. So yes it's a huge hot topic here these tax breaks are very far from the norm. Also what initially brought this conversation up was me being asked if the reason I got Married was for the "tax breaks" so that right there implies the incentive.

KissMeFinnNelson<3 1 child; 2 angel babies; Glasgow, Scotland, UK, United Kingdom 5419 posts
Feb 22nd '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:</b>" Lol, I don't think my marriage COMES from a piece of paper. I married my husband because I wanted to ... [snip!] ... him and we both wanted a marriage. You married your husband solely so that you could make medical decisions for him. Ok then."</blockquote>




Yup exactly, you said it right there that you associate the love you have for your Husband with a legal document. I associate the love for my Husband with us and what's in our hearts, I associate the legal document with it being a legal document.

Hathor + A Due December 23 (girl); 16 kids; Spring, Texas 12834 posts
Feb 22nd '13
Quoting Destinite:" I can understand that. Why don't they approve? I'm sure that makes things a lot more difficult."

Now that I am older I understand the why they did it did in the beginning. Your 16 year old daughter gets knocked up by a boy who brothers are infamously know for drug abuse. I wouldn't be to happy either. It goes to also they are pro-life but they wanted me to get an abortion and race, he is darker and my grandparents are racist.



I can't forgive them for not letting me leave to house when I was in preterm labor. I feel like if I would have been able to stop it and Trinity could have been saved. If they want to come to the wedding then they can. They not going to be the parents of the bride but guests and my mother hates that. She wants to control everything

**Quinn** 1 child; f**k it, CA, United States 5205 posts
Feb 22nd '13
Quoting xTJ:" <blockquote><b>Quoting 624582:</b>" If you get it then you're focusing more on the ... [snip!] ... up was me being asked if the reason I got Married was for the "tax breaks" so that right there implies the incentive."


You keep saying that there is a financial incentive not to work, however most people make far more than $6,000.00 a year, so I don't see the incentive to quit working. Even then, it isn't money in your pocket. I really don't think you understand how the system works at all. People here rarely get married for tax benefits. I personally don't know anyone who got married for any reason other than because they loved each other and wanted to commit their life to one another.

**Quinn** 1 child; f**k it, CA, United States 5205 posts
Feb 22nd '13
Quoting xTJ:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Sherwood:</b>" Lol, I don't think my marriage COMES from ... [snip!] ... the love for my Husband with us and what's in our hearts, I associate the legal document with it being a legal document."


Lol, what? Marriage was around long before legal documents. I would still say the same thing if a legal document didn't come with my marriage. I'm not sure what point you're trying to make, but I will tell you that you're failing. Miserably.

Bangtail 50 kids; Houston, TX, United States 7754 posts
Feb 22nd '13

Well, I've been married almost 7 years without ever changing my name, so that argument doesn't really work. A lot can change when you're married. Then again, depending on your relationship, nothing may change at all. I think you're looking for some written documentation of his commitment and marriage doesn't guarantee that in the least.

Not tellin 3 kids; Montana 55983 posts
Feb 22nd '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Lauren + ?:</b>" Now that I am older I understand the why they did it did in the beginning. Your 16 year old daughter ... [snip!] ... they can. They not going to be the parents of the bride but guests and my mother hates that. She wants to control everything"</blockquote>




Perhaps there is a time to do some family healing. Life is very short. You have one mother, one father ect.... As a mom, I pray everyday that I don't f**k up my kids. I pray I don't hurt them so badly that they lose trust and faith in me. We don't get instruction books when they come and all we can do is wing it. I am sure if you ask them why things happened the way they did and talked thru the situation, some healing can begin. Maybe even some family counseling would be helpful. It would be awful to carry this with you into your marriage and for the rest of your life.



We all have demons and pains of our past that impede in our futures if we don't take care of them.