Would You? Momma Rawks 1 child; Iowa 7403 posts
Feb 16th '13

My fiance and I were together for four years--were engaged and close to our wedding date, had a child, owned a home together, were TTC. He unexpectedly committed suicide.

Fast forward to now, a year and a half later. I live in my own place back in my hometown and am with someone else. He loves my son and me a great deal, treats us better than I could have ever expected, and recently we both have come to the conclusion that we're just meant to be together for the rest of our lives (not engaged--we just feel like at this rate, this is it).

When we first started dating, I kept in on the down-low when it came to my fiance's family and friends, just because I felt like it would be a hard blow. His friends have all accepted it, and have even sent me messages of approval (not that I needed it, but it's a nice gesture). My fiance's family is another story. They went kind of crazy on me (apparently the family blames me for his death and believes that I must have done something wrong, or should have been able to intervene and could have saved him somehow). I deleted all of them from Facebook, and do not discuss my personal life with them. Actually, other than his parents and once in a great while his brother, I have no contact with any of them (they harassed me and cut my son out of their family--so it's better this way).

Anyway, the point of all of this is... my son is having his birthday party next month. I'm not sure if I'll be inviting my late-fiance's parents (everyone on here who has read my threads about them have advised me not to, as well as friends in real life, and a lot of my family members). Well my mom and I were discussing it, and she thinks that if I do, I ought to e-mail them ahead of time and warn them about my boyfriend being there. I however think that's totally awkward and believe it's none of their business.

Even if I don't invite them, eventually there's probably a time where all of us will be in the same place at once for something. So I guess my question is, would you take the time to e-mail them and be like, "hey, just so you're aware, I am dating someone and he will be in attendance at the party"? I just think that's so awkward! My mom said that if roles were reversed and I had been the one to die, she would kind of expect my late-fiance to forewarn her... but then again, she also said she would never have treated him the way his family has treated me and her thinking is a lot different from theirs. (My mom actually made a comment in front of them recently about how I should keep my wedding dress in case I get married someday and they got kind of weird--they probably think I need to stay single for the rest of my life).

anonymom + 1.5 2 kids; West Virginia 10787 posts
Feb 16th '13

Firstly, I'm sorry for you and your son's loss. That must have been hard.

Secondly, I'm sorry his family treated you that way... that's very sad. I can kind of understand the upset but... it just seems to be irrational.

I would invite them and just say, "just so you know, ___ will be there. Hope we can see you there or if not, we'll set something up so you can see *son's name* soon."

1inpink3inblue Due December 7 (boy); 3 kids; Switzerland 13391 posts
Feb 16th '13

I wouldnt even invite them and you dating someone is none of their damn business. They have ni hold on you.

ßlack Rose ♥ 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Sharon, OK, United States 5335 posts
Feb 16th '13

I wouldn't tell them. Like you said, its really none of their business. Plus I've read pretty much all of your previous posts (in a non creeper sort of way lol) and I think they shouldn't be invited. The way they treat and have treated you is inexcusable.

~Raylan's Mama~ 1 child; Tennessee 2116 posts
Feb 16th '13

IF you decided to invite them, then YES it would only be appropriate to tell them the person you are dating is going to be there. However, if they have nothing to do with your son any other time, why even invite them? Shame on THEM for the way they treat you and a child who is blood to them.

user banned 3 kids; Washington 15083 posts
Feb 16th '13

I wouldn't write an e-mail to tell them. And, I'm actually not even sure I would invite them after the things you have shared on here.

ashleeoh 2 kids; Tucson, Arizona 2615 posts
Feb 16th '13

I have not read your previous posts but if they treat you badly I would not invite them. I would have them do something separate for your son. My daughter's father passed away before she was born, but his parents have always been super supportive of me and my decisions. I can only imagine it is a shitty situation to have to deal with that. However, if you do choose to invite them I would email them and let them know. You are not obligated to, but if they know in advance it could perhaps take away some awkwardness at the party.

I AM TRON 17 kids; Illinois 1482 posts
Feb 16th '13
Quoting ♫ boobook ♫:" I wouldn't write an e-mail to tell them. And, I'm actually not even sure I would invite them after the things you have shared on here. "


They definitely don't seem worthy from the things you've said about them. It's time for YOU to be happy, I wouldn't worry about them. =]