After my mom died, my dad spent a few very unhealthy months mourning her. He wouldn't see anyone, he even kept her things exactly the same way they were when she died. It was really sad. He started talking to other women about 4 months after she died and seeing them. I was really happy that he started to move on, because he needed to. He died not too long after my mom anyway.
Everyone grieves differently. I don't know what I would do in the situation of my husband passing. It would be alot easier to focus now that my child is little but once she is off with her own family I can imagine it gets very lonely.
My husband died in June, 2011. I have been in a relationship for the last 6 months. It was also cancer that took my husband, at 35 years of age. I was pregnant with our son when Roy died.
All I know is that I don't want to be alone and shouldn't have to be alone for "x" amount time, before I should be able to be happy. Honestly, I still feel guilty, but it's irrational guilt. My husband isn't coming back and I know that he would want me happy.
My MIL (Roy's mom) was SO happy for me, I didn't expect the support that I got. I'm sure glad I got it, though. I am so grateful.
Quoting ~Julie Blue Eyes~:" My husband died in June, 2011. I have been in a relationship for the last 6 months. It was so cancer ... [snip!] ... (Roy's mom) was SO happy for me, I didn't expect the support that I got. I'm sure glad I got it, though. I am so grateful."
I am so sorry for your loss :(
<blockquote><b>Quoting Monica♥YASDYARDFR:</b>" I am so sorry for your loss :("</blockquote>
Thank you, Mama.
Quoting xTJ:" Honestly I think you both need to give her a break and be happy for her. As you said they both had a ... [snip!] ... It is not ypu or your SO's right to keep anyone's happiness and impose time frames on them in order to fit your standards."
I made sure to say it in my OP, I would never say ANYTHING to her about how she is living her life. *I* just think it was too soon, *I* wouldnt be able to do it and I was wondering how others might respond in a similar situation. SO I can't really give her a break from something I am not doing to her?
I wouldn't want to no, but who knows, 35+ years down the road. I mean, alot of people are afraid to die alone, and that fear only intensifies as you get older. Personally I think that time frame is too short, but she's trying to grieve and maybe sex is just the way to make her feel better?
My grandmother wasn't even dead yet and my grandpa was already loving on some other women. He was doing it for at least 9 months. She knew about it, but knew she was dying and figured it didn't matter anymore. They were married 45 years. :/
I don't see myself dating someone so quickly. However, the SO of a friend of mine died and she went crazy. Started dating this guys a week later, got on drugs, her attitude towards everyone and everything was horrible. She just stopped giving a damn.
She was probably really missing the emotional support. Hard to say because I've never had to walk in her shoes. I could say all kinds of things like "oh i would never do this i would never do that" but when it comes down to it, I just have no way of knowing what I would do until I actually have to face that issue.
She should be allowed to have sex and or emotional support without judgment, that's JMO.
<blockquote><b>Quoting Heeeeeey, Sexy lady. ;):</b>" I don't see myself dating someone so quickly. However, the SO of a friend of mine died and she went crazy. ... [snip!] ... guys a week later, got on drugs, her attitude towards everyone and everything was horrible. She just stopped giving a damn."</blockquote>
I did this when Jay died :(
I have no idea what I would do if DH died.
My dad died in April. My parents were married for 25 years. My mom hasn't started seeing anyone else yet. Even though my brother and I have told her we won't have any issue with it, I can tell she isn't ready.
<blockquote><b>Quoting Gizmo ♥ Bry:</b>" I wouldn't want to no, but who knows, 35+ years down the road. I mean, alot of people are afraid to die ... [snip!] ... least 9 months. She knew about it, but knew she was dying and figured it didn't matter anymore. They were married 45 years. :/"</blockquote>
What a bastard. That gives him no right.
I couldn't say unless I was in that boat. I wouldn't totally rule out the possibility though, if someone came along who I clicked with, then maybe. That's not to say I don't love my SO or that I wouldn't miss him but sometimes peoples way of dealing with tragedy and getting through life is to just move on.
I don't think there is right or wrong amount of time to mourn. I don't see it as much different from women who lose their babies and then try to get pregnant straight away. I guess it's about filling a void, going on with what you know will make you happy again.
Why should she be expected to wait? Her husband's passing was in the blink of an eye, I guess she saw how quickly things can change, so maybe she has a new lease on life? Good on her, I say.
I'm not even sure if I could ever be with another man if my husband died. I do know that people are different and grieve in different ways and some people just can't be alone.
My dad died when I was four and was dating someone (who she later moved in with and married). when I was 5. She was very lonely and needed help to raise me. She still misses my father very much and has confided in me that even though she loves my step-dad she spent many years pining for my father.