I am 19, not stupid. Caimma 1 child; New Zealand 1129 posts
Jan 5th '13

Pointless rant.

I am sick of people telling me things to do with pregnancy and babies like I am stupid. I had a 17 year old tell me that Blake probably wont come on his due date. He will most likely be early or late. Wow? Really? I only have 2 early childhood degrees and studied primary teaching for a year where you learn all about conception to birth to development etc. Ive also been to all the midwives appointments and been with Caitlyn through the pregnancy so I think I know a shit load more about her pregnancy.

I also have my Mom on my back telling me its going to be hard and we wont know what to do. She also told me it will probably be what ends mine and Caitlyns relationship and the baby is hers not mine. She keeps telling me I should do or buy anything for the baby because its not mine. We are not and have never been telling ourselves having a baby this young will be easy and that our relationship will be fine. We know its going to be hard and put a strain on our relationship. We have talked about it all and put as many things in place so we know where each other stands and what to do if such and such happens. Yeah its not fool proof but at least its something. And that baby is as much mine as it hers. Just because Im not carrying him doesnt mean I wont be his Momma. Every time I bring something up about the pregnancy or Blake or finding a house up here she tells me Im wrong. They blackmailed me to come down for christmas, Caitlyn and I didnt get our first christmas together, and then when Caitlyn had a contraction and I thought she was going into labour they said oh well theres no point in trying to get up there but you can see him a few days after he's born. They think its some kind of joke. I was in tears because I thought I was about to miss my first child's birth. I told Mom that Caitlyn lost some of her mucus plug and that he was fully engaged and she told me I was being stupid and she isnt far along enough for that. The midwife f**king told us this information. I dont know everything about pregnancy but I do know some stuff.

I swear she just wants me back home so she can control me. She keeps demanding I catch a bus 4 hours down there so I can be a leader at my little brother's holiday programme because he couldnt get his arse into gear and get enough leaders. He expected me to come down a week either side of Blake's due date (2 weeks) and fix everything for him. Im sick of it. I moved away so I could have my own life. Even though Im called once a week to help with the computer, or camera, or where something is. I Havent lived there for a year now.

Both of our parents treat us like we are children and dont know whats left from right. Caitlyn's Mom keeps nagging us to clean our room. Half of it is their stuff that they keep telling us to go through. We go through it multiple times and tell them its theirs and then they tell us well there is nowhere else to put it so it will have to stay there. All of the baby stuff is scattered around the room and we cant put it anywhere because there is nowhere to put it. We cant set Blake's stuff up because there is nowhere to put it and its really getting to Caitlyn. Then when we bring up the point about moving out so that we can have our space and they can have their space back they get upset because they think they will never see their grandchild. When Caitlyn brought it up her Mom looked at me and said whos idea was moving out? Like Im going to run away with her daughter and grandchild. Im always the bad guy. We also got asked which one of us doesnt wash our hands when we go to the toilet at 2am. We are half asleep. We empty our bladders and hop back in bed. We dont even think about washing our hands probably because the cold water would wake us up.

Im sick of being treated like a child when I am 19 days away from being due to having a child. Caitlyn feels the same way. We cant learn or grow if we arent given the space or opportunity to. Her parents dont realise what its doing to Caitlyn. At least once a week and I am holding her while she cries and lets everything out. She is stressed and showing signs of depression. Its really getting to her. She doesnt think she will be able to cope with a child because she feels like shes 12 years old here. I hate seeing her so upset but at the same time Im glad she comes to me for comfort. She is scared social services will take Blake off us because she isnt a good enough parent. She doesnt want to depend on me and she is also scared its getting too much and that Ill leave. We need to get out of the place we are living, away from unneccesary drama and get our shit sorted.

Yes it is childish to rant about everything but I needed to get it out.

Nicola =) 1 child; Huntsville, Alabama 2783 posts
Jan 5th '13

Honestly, no matter what age, you are still going to get parenting advice, usually unwanted, from other people.
Our own parents, friends, other mothers, and even people who haven't even had children like to chime in with advice.

Brush it off and keep moving. Trust me, its going to happen all the time.

Nancy Botwin 2 kids; Pennsylvania 2204 posts
Jan 5th '13

You sound like a child. I couldn't even read this whole thing.

InkDMomma 35 kids; Clinton Township, Michigan 27418 posts
Jan 5th '13

honestly the best way to make her happy and comfortable would be to find a place for all of you. I would try to do that ASAP.
The environment you are in can put a lot of stress on her and make her depression worse.

I know it's difficult but really it will be the best. I did it at 19 as well.

I wish you two all the luck in the world to get where you want to be.

*Mary Moon* 1 child; New York 3606 posts
Jan 5th '13

Unsolicited parenting advice is some peoples way of controlling a situation that they have no business having a say in. Let it roll off your back. If you two wanna make it and make a happy life and home for the child, you can no matter what drama and nonsense is thrown your way. As adults with a child on the way its your responsibility actually. Best of luck to you!

Jackie Burkhart 1 child; Baltimore, MD, United States 7351 posts
Jan 5th '13

I know its rough. Most pregnant women go through the gauntlet of people who know more than you supposedly. It happens. It does sound like you both need to break away from your families. I don't mean to never speak to them again but, you're adults and are about to start your own family. What your family wants isn't what's always best for you, your SO, or LO.

My dad currently lives in the apartment below mine. I see him once a week at the LEAST. We're planning on moving within the next few months closer to DH's job, we'll save so much gas. Its about 25-30 minutes away. My dad acts like he'll never see me or LO again. He's dramatic.

Try to let it roll off but, if you both think seperating yourselves from the places that cause you the most grief will make your lives easier than I'd say go for it, try to sort it out because you're both unhappy when this should be an extremely happy time in your life.

Eleanor Rigby Due September 23; 1 child; 2 angel babies; North Carolina 7054 posts
Jan 5th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Nancy Botwin:</b>" You sound like a child. I couldn't even read this whole thing. "</blockquote>

Then maybe you just should not comment. I thought the same thing when I first started reading but then I actually read the whole thing and figured it out.

OP parents will always be like this. They have a hard time with their children growing up. Your mom might be having a hard time with this because her first grandchild is not biologically hers.

Moi H* 2 kids; Columbia, SC, United States 2236 posts
Jan 5th '13

<blockquote><b>Quoting Pistol Amber:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Nancy Botwin:</b>" You sound like a child. I couldn't even read ... [snip!] ... children growing up. Your mom might be having a hard time with this because her first grandchild is not biologically hers."</blockquote>

All of what she said. And as for your SO's can pretty much expect that treatment as long as you're in their home. Best thing to do is move and start your own life.

October2011 Due August 5; 3 kids; Pennsylvania 8805 posts
Jan 5th '13

Then move out. And start your own life. Its going to suck living in a tiny room with a baby just because someone wants you to. If you 2 want to be parents to this baby then start now. find a place to live and start making big girl decisions. You can't make everyone agree with your choices..but you can be a good mother. And they'll see that.

K. P. Walsh Due August 5 (girl); Japan 1385 posts
Jan 5th '13

I don't think it's an age thing, love, I think it's a first time mom thing.
I don't know about you, but when I was pregnant, I was very... defensive, I guess? Because I kind of took advice from some people as criticism when it wasn't.
I guess because I thought just because I'm young, doesn't mean I don't know anything.
I can see where your frustration comes from, but I think it'll pass.
You're clearly not stupid. People just can't help themselves, especially anyone who has children. Everyone is an expert of pregnancy and babies, you know. Lol.
Ugh. I'll never forget my SO's mother telling me "don't breastfeed, it'll make your tits sag and they're small enough as it is. Look at mine. They're the best in the city because I didn't breastfeed." Like, lady, sit down. It used to bother me when ignorant people tried giving me ignorant advice, now, I let it bounce off of me. I KNOW I'm a good mommy.
Just try to let stuff like that slide.

Caimma 1 child; New Zealand 1129 posts
Jan 5th '13

Thank you guys :) it makes it easier to deal with knowing that its not our age that is causing people to be like this and it would have happened no matter what age or stage we had a baby.

We definitely are looking at moving out. Unless Caitlyn ends up having a c-section we will be moving out as soon as we can afford a fridge, freezer and washing machine and the basic things like pots, a pan and cutlery.

From now on Im going to try my best to just let it all roll off.