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Leisurely Duchess 1 child; Monterey, California 25884 posts
Dec 8th '12

My father was white, an abusive husband to my mom, a fundie Christian, a misogynist, a homophobe and a racist. DH is a Korean/black/white mutt, so gentle and laid back that almost never even disagrees with me, is an irreligious atheist and definitely not even a sliver of a bigot.



I have heard an alternative to women marrying their fathers; women marrying in rebellion to their fathers. I've also heard about men marrying their mothers.



I honestly don't think it's all as simple as that though. Things like this rarely boil down to just one thing.

Belle De Jour Due October 8 (boy); 2 kids; Kentucky 19287 posts
Dec 8th '12

I hate hearing about all the terrible fathers out there :( My bio-dad was a shit head but I luckily got to meet my Daddy and he has been there for me since I was 3 months old.
I can't imagine a life without a Dad. :( I'm glad you all found such good SOs that are being good to you and your children.

Leisurely Duchess 1 child; Monterey, California 25884 posts
Dec 8th '12

Hugs to everyone who had an abusive father or step father, to those who posted in the thread and those who are lurking because I know you are here. But it's wonderful that none of you are in the cycle of having abusive SOs like so many people do when they grow up in homes with abuse.

Leisurely Duchess 1 child; Monterey, California 25884 posts
Dec 9th '12
Quoting ♡Sarah♡ + 2:" My mom was the abusive one growing up. I'm glad I didnt pick up any of that. I saw how upset my father was all of the time. "


Poor dad. Your empathy saved you. :) I think it's great thing that you weren't hardened or embittered so much by growing up in an environment like that, so many do and consequently seem to feel less empathy for others in similar situations. I know it's a defense mechanism for them but it isn't always the best thing.

Vivialopod 2 kids; Vantaa, Finland 42788 posts
Dec 9th '12

Not here. Both men I've fallen for and most of the ones i've dated have been compete opposites of my dad.

Mrs Mia Wallace Due August 14; 1 child; 6 angel babies; Georgia 2859 posts
Dec 9th '12

Yes, to a degree. They both like tools, cars n shit and although SO is a great dad, he will never hold a candle...

justanothamotha Due January 20; 130 kids; Climax, Michigan 5120 posts
Dec 9th '12

He's more like my dad than I thought...but then again I think there were things i thought were "my dad" that were just common male tendencies....



if anything, personality wise he is a lot more like my mom & when I realized that 10 yrs in I was a bit taken aback. They are both very very private people that are hard to get to know & are very slow to show emotion. They also fool tons of people that don't them super well into thinking they are "fine" by faking a super calm exterior when you know inside they are boiling up. LOL



Other than both being men & liking some typical "men" things like cars or air shows or whatever - they are not much alike at all. My dad is like Wilfred Brimley & my Dh is like Anthony Kiedus (with less tats) turned regular dad/computer geek (who kept his long hair).

Nameless Ghoul 2 kids; Sweden 6452 posts
Dec 9th '12

Noooo, every guy I've dated has been the complete opposite of my dad!

Back to Noob Status Ohio 14048 posts
Dec 9th '12
Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:" I've had this discussion sooo many times with other women and wanted to see what you guys think. Do you ... [snip!] ... other :lol: So what do you think? Is your SO anything like your father? Have you ever heard of this? Or am I just weird? :lol:"


Uh...no. My dad is an ass and I don't even have a relationship with him.

Jackie Burkhart 1 child; Baltimore, MD, United States 7276 posts
Dec 9th '12

I love my dad and bless his heart. He's everything I don't want in a man. He's bitter, cynical, rude, OCD, his way or no way, always right, actually really dumb but thinks he's a genius, he flies off the handle at the drop of a hat, and has gotten extremely lazy.



DH went through a depression and just turned into a guy who found no joy in anything. I hated it. I tried to help and it really hurt to know I couldn't make him happy. He's much better now and the complete opposite of my father. All in all, they are good fathers and that's about it



I've heard men marry women like their mothers more than I've heard that women marry men like their fathers.



I did read an article a while back about, women who were the youngest in their family, that grew up with one or more older brother tend to feel more comfortable with older men, than with someone their age and even have better relationships because they're used to the dynamic of it or some shit. I thought it was interesting because it applied to me.

Belle De Jour Due October 8 (boy); 2 kids; Kentucky 19287 posts
Dec 9th '12
Quoting Jackie Burkhart ♡:" I love my dad and bless his heart. He's everything I don't want in a man. He's bitter, cynical, rude, ... [snip!] ... relationships because they're used to the dynamic of it or some shit. I thought it was interesting because it applied to me."


That IS interesting. I'm the youngest in my family. Though I don't have any brother (three older sisters) And SO is 4 years older than me.

Katie[ღ]Siℓas 17 kids; Grand Haven, Michigan 2071 posts
Dec 9th '12

Not always.. the only thing my SO has in common with my father is the red hair, and my SO is nothing like my p***e o* s**t step-dad who raised me.

Rob's Living Dead Girl Royersford, Pennsylvania 4306 posts
Dec 9th '12
Quoting Uncle Obama's Banana:" I've had this discussion sooo many times with other women and wanted to see what you guys think. Do you ... [snip!] ... other :lol: So what do you think? Is your SO anything like your father? Have you ever heard of this? Or am I just weird? :lol:"


I think there is some truth in this, I see it more in my cousins' relationship with their father and the one I have with my own.



As of now, my relationship with my dad is pretty nonexistent. I've never known him very well, and would see him occasionally here and there. He's in and out of my life, basically. Last time I've talked to him was over the phone about a couple years ago.
And what I find funny is that, I don't really have a general perspective on men. I attempt to have myself think of one good word that describes the male species in general, and fail each time lol I also don't find boys who start talking to me more easily trustworthy, feeling safe around them is a challenge. Let alone feeling comfortable with them. :( The thing that scares me the most is that I don't have a clue as to what makes a man a "good" man. There are only two traits that I can come up with, and I think they're fantasy-like traits to place in a guy.



Of course, it's always debatable as to whether or not this is connected with my not having my father around or not. I continue questioning this, though.



It makes me worried for my cousin, Lisa. She's thirteen and her father often degrades her a lot, basically telling her she's stupid and criticizing her foolish acts (this is what I've seen and been told by her). He calls her names like "scarecrow" and "airhead". smh
If it's true that fathers set girls up for what kind of guy attracts her, well..I'm worried Lisa may definitely find the wrong type of guy. :S