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http://www.accountkiller. Minnesota 34665 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting Jas ♥:" Whoa, I think you're taking it too seriously. As a SAHM, I'm on my own time. I don't have a schedule. ... [snip!] ... cleaning I need to do during the day (floors, bathrooms, bedrooms, etc). Its all about time management, not schedules."


I know im being very serious about it. I just really want an idea of what people think should be expected. Should all cleaning be done "as needed"? Because if so, we have parts of our house that are kind of always in turmoil. I don't even bother trying to clean the living room before the boys go to bed, because that's where they are all day. But we do have some stuff stacked up in the kitchen that need to go different places. I suppose part of my job would be to get that stuff to where it needs to go.




I just took our argument really seriously. It kind of hurt my feelings that he thinks I don't do enough, ya know?



So, it makes me think....should I be vacuuming three times a week, or more as needed? Should the kitchen be wiped down daily? or as needed? Should the laundry be constantly kept up to date? or is it ok for it to get a bit backed up....



I feel like I don't know what he expects.



I tried talking to him about it again, but he says he just regrets bringing it up. I think he feels really bad that he put this thought in to my head.

http://www.accountkiller. Minnesota 34665 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting Jas ♥:" Then he's in the wrong, IMO. Just because he works doesn't mean he shouldn't come home and be a parent."


that was my mindset until this disagreement. Now I feel like he gets no time off, and its because I'm doing something wrong. I just have to figure it out.

user banned Indiana 33802 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting ~*Icat*~:" I know im being very serious about it. I just really want an idea of what people think should be expected. ... [snip!] ... about it again, but he says he just regrets bringing it up. I think he feels really bad that he put this thought in to my head."


I vacuum a couple times a week, kitchen counters get wiped down a couple times a day...just because they get dirty. Laundry is never caught up in my house. Theres 6 of us and that shit piles up too f**king fast.
I dont like toys in my living room. My kids play in their rooms with their toys. My youngest is 3 though and I dont feel the need to be up her ass all day. She entertains herself for the most part and likes to be left alone. I take advantage of that and clean. Or she will help me clean.
My boys help after school with things too. They sweep, do the dishwasher, switch laundry....the joys of older kids :)
Yes I am a SAHM and could easily do everything myself, but I want my kids to know how to clean so when they get older and are out on their own they can do it. My oldest is 11 and is starting to cook things on his own. Blows me away when I think about it really

homes cool Due July 25; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 63165 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting Patti.:" I vacuum a couple times a week, kitchen counters get wiped down a couple times a day...just because ... [snip!] ... their own they can do it. My oldest is 11 and is starting to cook things on his own. Blows me away when I think about it really"

I totally agree on having kids help, there's no reason not to.My kids make their bed (I am helping my 2 year old learn how.) and then they help do a chore each morning, and evening. I'm not raising lazy kids.

user banned Due September 27 (girl); 4 kids; Nova Scotia 28962 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting ~*Icat*~:" I know im being very serious about it. I just really want an idea of what people think should be expected. ... [snip!] ... about it again, but he says he just regrets bringing it up. I think he feels really bad that he put this thought in to my head."


Like I said 10 minutes per room a day and it shouldn't take long at all. You do your first big deep clean and you keep up with it after that, do a deep clean once a week.
For me the living room, kitchen, and the my bedroom have to be clean or else I lose my shit. My SO has been off work for 3 weeks and has done nothing. And I have been at school or work until 5:30, then I have to come home and wash dishes to make supper, bathe the kids, put them to bed, and between being exhausted and falling asleep standing up I have to find time for homework. I lost my shit yesterday about my SO not doing what he needs to be doing.

user banned California 36390 posts
Nov 6th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" No, its just what parents do. If you were working, you would have to come home and cook and do basic cleaning. I don't think taking care of his own children is asking too much."</blockquote>




Not all men feel that way, unfortunately.

user banned Indiana 33802 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting the grace life:" I totally agree on having kids help, there's no reason not to.My kids make their bed (I am helping my ... [snip!] ... bed (I am helping my 2 year old learn how.) and then they help do a chore each morning, and evening. I'm not raising lazy kids."


Bed making is one thing Im not picky about. I need to start being though.

homes cool Due July 25; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 63165 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting Patti.:" Bed making is one thing Im not picky about. I need to start being though."

We've honestly just started that one, mostly because it helps kick ME in gear. Mornings aren't my thing, so I need a jumpstart.



The morning chore is usually something easy, "Go around the house and see if you can find trash, if you do, bring it to the trash can..."or something like that. They also clear the table, help me put away laundry, etc. Tuesdays are our only free days now, so it's our big cleaning and grocery shopping day.

Miss_Felicia_Marie 4 kids; 2 angel babies; Pennsylvania 5482 posts
Nov 6th '12

I feel like a SAHM gets labelled as doing EVERYTHING for the children and household, which i think is bullshit. You're a stay-at-home-MOM... not maid, chef, secretary, ect. First and foremost: take care of the children (feed them, clean them, educate them, interact with them, take them where they need to go, doc appts, ect) Keep the house liveable.. clean enough to live in.. doesnt have to be completely spotless every second of the day (if you have small kids, thats impossible anyways and alot of people go overboard spending HOURS cleaning to try to keep up- ignoring the kids) cook as needed, if you want to cook dinner every night.. so be it, if your husband can a few times a week or you want to eat out.. so be it. If you want to go grocery shopping with the kids and run errands with them- then do it, if its easier as a team or alone once your husband comes home- then do that. Theres no specific "description" that fits EVERYONE unlike a real job. when i say real, i do not mean that being a SAHM isnt a job- i just mean like a cashier/ clerk/ waitress/ bank teller, ect all have a job description that doesnt change much per person...

http://www.accountkiller. Minnesota 34665 posts
Nov 6th '12

well thank you all. You've actually made me feel better about this disagreement. I do know there are areas where I can improve, but he and I need to sit down and have a discussion about his expectations and what I am actually capable of accomplishing in a given day or week.



But mostly I need to figure out what he is expecting from me. I can't make him happy if I don't know what he wants. lol

MommyCaroline 1 child; California 20005 posts
Nov 6th '12

pppssshhhh... I do everything in the house, organize and pay all the bills, shopping and take care of our DD... DH just makes the money and his job is NOT that hard...... He's a glassblower... His ONLY jobs in the house are to take out the garbage and do his own laundry. Simple enough, right? NOPE! He will do his laundry, but leave it in the basket, and just toss his dirty clothes on the floor.... The garbage, yeah, it gets to overflowing EVERY TIME, so I take it down stairs and put it in front of the garage door along with the recycling, but it will just pile up there for a week. Then he has the gall to get mad at me for not doing the dishes, or letting something be a mess for a day or two.... d**k....

http://www.accountkiller. Minnesota 34665 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting MommyCaroline:" pppssshhhh... I do everything in the house, organize and pay all the bills, shopping and take care of ... [snip!] ... Then he has the gall to get mad at me for not doing the dishes, or letting something be a mess for a day or two.... d**k...."


i have to pester my husband about his responsibilities :( I feel like I'm nagging him ALL the time. Our garbage and diaper genies always fill to the brim. its disgusting. That's one of the things we will talk about, for sure.



I just hate nagging him.

homes cool Due July 25; 2 kids; 2 angel babies; Indiana 63165 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting ~*Icat*~:" well thank you all. You've actually made me feel better about this disagreement. I do know there are ... [snip!] ... week. But mostly I need to figure out what he is expecting from me. I can't make him happy if I don't know what he wants. lol"

This was huge for me. Good luck!!

MommyCaroline 1 child; California 20005 posts
Nov 6th '12
Quoting ~*Icat*~:" i have to pester my husband about his responsibilities :( I feel like I'm nagging him ALL the time. ... [snip!] ... always fill to the brim. its disgusting. That's one of the things we will talk about, for sure. I just hate nagging him."


I feel the same way, and we've had talks about it, and how he makes me feel like a freaking 50's housewife or a maid... He does good for like... A DAY, then goes back to being a d**k.

B♥Z 2 kids; Williamsport, Maryland 14245 posts
Nov 6th '12

I do most of the cleaning/laundry, all of the cooking, all of the shopping/meal planning, all of the errands and appointments (between DD and I, we have 5 weekly appointments). DH takes out the trash tho and I expect him to pick up after himself, which doesn't always happen.



Whatever mess we make during the day, we clean up before DH gets home from work, that way it's fair game when he gets home. Every night we either give kids a bath or clean up dinner dishes (he usually picks dishes, which is fine with me). And whatever additional mess that is made after he gets home, we both clean up. He will put a load of laundry in, but never folds it.