Miserable....Just a long ass vent...just need to get it out. Joan Crawford TTC since Sep 2010; 2 kids; 4 angel babies; Bradenton, FL, United States 18711 posts
Oct 26th '12

It's been 5 weeks since I miscarried my 6th pregnancy. I was 13 weeks along when it happened. I had to be admitted to the hospital because of the D&C failing.
My anatomy is apparently TOO "funny" to be able to use the tools properly.
Doc said my canal is long, narrow, and curved like this: ~ and that my cervix is high and nearly vertical like this: /. Then my uterus falls so far back towards my spine....My cervix doesn't dilate either.
Getting pregnant isn't the issue. I have 2 amazing kids that I carried with all these funky problems....I have PCOS on top of everything, so my hormones aren't stable. My progesterone tends to be really low...

During the procedure, it took 3 nurses and the doctors to try and insert the tools and try to move them but they got stuck every time. He couldn't scrape anything. He said I was the first patient he's known or heard of to not be able to get a D&C.

I have no idea what to think about this last miscarriage. It's my 4th one. My 3rd in a row. He's worried about me getting pregnant again, because of my high risk to miscarry. That and if I miscarry again, they can't perform a D&C, and I might lose my uterus if I can't expel the tissue naturally.
I'm only 28....that scares the shit out of me.

My husband hasn't been the most....comforting person since this happened. He's been a complete d**k some days. Mostly the days that I feel the worse...
I feel pretty useless. I've been wanting another so badly and I have always dreamed of having a large family full of kids.
His complaint about me since the miscarriage: I miss the intimacy.
I can't just pretend that this doesn't hurt and I can't pretend that I'm not upset with someone who doesn't comfort me or talk to me about what happened and then cuddle/kiss/hug/sex him up while I'm feeling at my all-time low.

I've been super depressed and I have no idea who to turn to or who to talk to. Friends/family don't really work because although there is a few that know how I feel, in a sense, they really don't help.
I don't know what to do.

mommy@4 36 kids; Georgia 472 posts
Oct 26th '12

I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 2 and it is the worst thing in the world. It seems as no one understands what you are going through. I walked around like everything was ok when I was dead in the inside. I was 3 1/2 months with both of mine and it feels like your heart has been ripped out. My husband helped with the kids but that was it. I felt like he was like ok get over it now there was nothing you could have done. Sometimes we just need them to understand a little bit more.
I hope you get to feeling better soon.

Mrs cree Due November 23; 33 kids; Ontario 1907 posts
Oct 26th '12

I also have lost two babies and people are not supportive or are down right insensitive my hubby and I were both struggling to deal with our grief and weren't sure how to help each other our marriage almost ended but we got through it and our relationship is is much stronger for it is there a hotline or grief line in your area I know how much this helped me

D❤L 2 kids; Sunnydale, CA, United States 2772 posts
Oct 26th '12

You can ALWAYS talk to me. I'm not good with advice but I do sit back and listen.. I'm so sorry about your loss and the depression you're going though. With your husband, I think he might be a d**k some days because he's hurting too. Everybody shows their grief differently, maybe this is how he shows his? You've miscarried 3 times in a row, he's probably really hurting too. Maybe his way dealing with the miscarriages is through intimacy? I know after my miscarriages DH wanted intimacy but I was hurting, I didn't want that. I'm sorry he's not more understanding :(

If you do decide to TTC in the future I would have testing done to rule out a blood clotting disorder. I'd also make sure your doctor starts you on progesterone after ovulation.