Ok, this isn't something I tell people really, but here I go posting it on a public forum, hopefully it will give you some comfort.
I didn't know who my daughter's father was either, and I was 16. It could have been between 3 guys :? Horrible, I know, makes me sound slutty, I know.
Point is... It is NOT the end of the world. Wait until after the baby is born, and get a test done. You need to be honest with both guys though, and let them know what is going on.
All the test is is a simple mouth swab of all of you, and you get the results back in a month (or at least I did).
You don't need to stress over it right now. You need to calm yourself down, and worry about your little baby boy. Even if the father decides that he doesn't want to be involved, you will still have your son. That is all that you should worry about.
Hope this helped a little bit, sorry if my thoughts are scattered around, it's been a long day.
Oh and just so you know there is hope. I found out who her father was, and I am now in a happy relationship with another man, and we have a child together. You can do this even without the "father's" help!
Good luck with every thing.
Quoting Snotface♫[usmc]:" Were you TTC? "
No i was just being young & dumb & stupid not using protection and i got caught in this sticky situation.
Quoting Teen Mommy♥:" No i was just being young & dumb & stupid not using protection and i got caught in this sticky situation."
Well, stay in school if you haven't dropped out/finished yet.
Get a DNA test when s/he is born and go from there.
You know what you need to do. Be honest with both of them and have them tested. Either way it will not guarantee that they will be there for your baby. Be the best mom you can be by yourself, hopefully you won't be alone going through it even though it sounds like you will be (for now anyway). Hang in there momma it will work out.
What is your plan for fining out who the father is? You can have a test now an amnio and find out who the father is before the baby is born. I think its safer to wait till after the baby is born though.
I had an amnio type of test and it was no that bad.
what have they said? Have they said they will help if they are the Dad? Either of them? Can you explain what they have said they want to do... one of them is the Dad so one of them has to be involved.
So I can try and give you advise when I know what the plan is
all you can do is get the dna test after baby is born. knowing who is the father isn't going to guarantee that he will be there as a positive role model in your child's life, but there is nothing you can do to control that, so it's not something i would waste time and energy worrying about. i know you want more for your child than you had/have because most moms feel that way, but even in a relationship when an unplanned baby happens, the guy could flake out. in any event, good luck to you and your little one!
Quoting applelove:" What is your plan for fining out who the father is? You can have a test now an amnio and find out who ... [snip!] ... do... one of them is the Dad so one of them has to be involved. So I can try and give you advise when I know what the plan is"
Well honestly i dont know what my plan for finding out who the father is. And i told my ex boyfriend & he said that he doesnt believe me because supposedly last time we had sex i had my period afterwards which is impossible because the month i did conceive I did not get my period and that next month i had sex with him again, but at that time i didnt know that i was pregnant. & as for the other guy he wanted me to get the baby aborted but me i do not believe in abortions and when i did find out i was pregnant i had heard my sons heart beat & it was strong i couldnt find myself killing him. So basically my ex-boyfriend doesnt believe me and the other guy does not want anything to do with me.
Thank you ladies for the support & advice ; I do deeply appreciate it ♥
I know this is hard for you I can't imagine. But think about what the guys are going through. They can't deal with it because they don't know if it is theres or not. So they have to pic a way to feel. The easy way is probably to just figure its not theirs.
They are both hurt by what you did and don't want to be a father.
You need to talk to them and make a plan with both of them depending on who will be the dad.
Do you want to do the amnio and find out now or wait till after the LO is born?
Quoting applelove:" I know this is hard for you I can't imagine. But think about what the guys are going through. They can't ... [snip!] ... of them depending on who will be the dad. Do you want to do the amnio and find out now or wait till after the LO is born? "
Ive tried to speak to my ex-boyfriend everything goes in one ear and out the other and he treats me really mean. & the other guy i really dont know what to say to him ; he made it pretty clear that he didnt want anything to do with me or the baby.. So i dont even bother him.
I mean i might as well wait because my due date is next month and i do not want to do anything to harm my child. But honestly the anticipation is killing me, and im kind of getting tired of being pregnant. Im ready to be a mommy and be able to hold and nurture my son.
You don't have to be TTC to keep track of your period...I tracked it even before we were TTC just so I would know when my period was due...
Anyway, what everyone else said; as soon as LO is born get a paternity test. I'm sure both guys are hurt and confused. Maybe they don't care (unfortunately, this is all too common with young fathers) or maybe they don't want to get their hopes up, get attached to the baby, and then be disappointed. After the paternity test is done and you know who the father is, maybe he'll come around.
On the other hand, don't get your hopes up too much...he may come around, he may not, but either way you'll be just fine!
Yes I completely understand what all of you ladies are saying. Once I find out who my son's father is im just afraid that he wont know who he is or where his other side of the family is and will grow up asking me questions that im not quite sure how to answer. Trust me I have all intentions on doing what has to be done for my son whether his dad is there or not. This is not really about me and my child's father being together its more so about taking responsibility for our actions. We do not have to be with one another to take care and nurture our off spring.
And I completely understand if they are scared, I am petrified. I am bringing another human into this world and I havent even finished school yet or began to create a life of my own. I am barely able to support myself, how can I possibly support someone else and yet alone by myself, my help is to a minimum. All I have is my mom. But at the end of the day I did not lay down with my mother and create this baby so there is so much that she can do for my son.
I know I probably sound like im living in a fantasy world but I just feel like I shouldnt have to raise this little boy all myself, why because there is alot that I can not teach him that his father is suppose to.
Quoting Teen Mommy♥:" Yes I completely understand what all of you ladies are saying. Once I find out who my son's father is ... [snip!] ... have to raise this little boy all myself, why because there is alot that I can not teach him that his father is suppose to."
Try not to worry to much about all this. When the baby is born and the father learns that he is the father things will change. It might take the Dad a while to accept because he has not had the 9 months that you have had.
Who knows if he has told his parents. I mean that is a difficult conversation, right? This girl told me that she is having a baby that is maybe mine or maybe another guy. So his family probably has no idea. But when they do find out I bet they will all come around.
I know you are mad but you are the one who decided to have a baby when you were not married so you might end up having to raise it all on your own. I bet that you will not get stuck in that position though. I bet that the Dad will come around when he has some time to adjust.(that is why I suggest the amnio, so the Dad can have more time and be there for the birth.
So try to not stress and look at it like the Dad will come around and be a Dad when he knows he needs to be. Perhaps your Ex dose not want to get to close just to be let down again. You hurt him by cheating so he dose not want to just guess itis his baby. But if it is then when he sees it I am sure he will want to be in the babys life.
Just try and relax and know that things will work out.
I have a friend who was in your situation and is now married to the Dad for about 12 year and they have a bunch of kiddos. So it can work out.
You will be ok, Just take it easy try and be calm and keep your mind on the baby.
It's not too hard to know when you are ovulating. My periods were 20-25 and i ovulated on the 11-15th. I tried to avoid sex on those days... but that didn't work :oops:
But try to DNA test the men. You CAN be a successful single mother. Stay in school, graduate, try to get a job, etc.