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Daddys in jail Jesseca Wilfong Due February 16 (boy); Portland, Oregon 14 posts
Oct 15th '12

My baby's father is in jail for some reasons that don't need to be discussed. But in the long run he is looking at five to life. I don't know if I should exclude him from his child's life or allow him to be a part of it. I feel neutral on either decision but later on in life do you think that it could confuse the child. At this point I'm 22 weeks

Kenzie + TTC since Jun 2012; 1 child; Grundy Center, Iowa 10663 posts
Oct 15th '12

You should probably make a pros and cons list

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11905 posts
Oct 15th '12

If he is possibly looking at life he obviously did something that was super fucked up and Iw ouldn't want that aroudn my kid(s)

user banned California 36390 posts
Oct 15th '12

It would depend on the crime and his sentence, tbh.

greenmamabecky☮ TTC since Jul 2013; 18 kids; Enfield, Connecticut 20987 posts
Oct 15th '12
Quoting Jesseca Wilfong:" My baby's father is in jail for some reasons that don't need to be discussed. But in the long run he ... [snip!] ... I feel neutral on either decision but later on in life do you think that it could confuse the child. At this point I'm 22 weeks"



Do you think he is a danger to the baby?
If not, just wait and see how much time he gets. If he only gets a few years, it wouldnt be bad to slowly introduce him after he gets out. I wouldnt take my kid to jail to visit him though.

user banned (boy); 2 kids; f**king, Austria 36337 posts
Oct 15th '12

Depends on the crime...

Devil's Advocate Beverly Hills, California 18191 posts
Oct 15th '12

How long until his sentencing?

user banned (boy); 2 kids; f**king, Austria 36337 posts
Oct 15th '12
Quoting Jas ♥:" 5 to life? Well that's a jump. I guess it would depend on his crime."

seriously.

JustDucky 2 kids; Lubbock, TX, United States 1189 posts
Oct 15th '12

I really don't know much about the system, but 5-life seems like a huge gap... I know you didn't want to talk about the reason he is there, but the answer is pretty dependent on it. Certain crimes are not as bad as others...

*A&N's Mama* 2 kids; Halifax, Nova Scotia 4627 posts
Oct 15th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting Becky☮Will:</b>" Do you think he is a danger to the baby? If not, just wait and see how much time he gets. If he ... [snip!] ... a few years, it wouldnt be bad to slowly introduce him after he gets out. I wouldnt take my kid to jail to visit him though."</blockquote>




This. But if he's looking at a possibility of life, he obviously committed a serious crime and that would be a major factor in my decision making

**Mommy to A.J. & Amber** 2 kids; New Paltz, New York 873 posts
Oct 15th '12

I personally went through this last year... My son's father was looking at 5-15 years but somehow the DA's office dropped the ball sending the case to county court and he got off with 1 misdemeanor. Miracles do happen so keep faith=] SO was in jail for a little over a month before we could get the bail money together and I took my son to see his dad every week. It is important for the child to still be able to see their parent (assuming that this case has nothing to do with abuse). Feel free to PM if you would like I'm very open about what we went through.

_______Nope_________ 23772 posts
Oct 15th '12

I don't know.



I know that my niece's father is in jail and it's really really hard on her. She is old enough to remember him before he went to jail, but it is SO hard for her. She understands that he is in jail, but I see how much it hurts her that he isn't there. I'm not sure if it would be better to not know him at all, but I know that "knowing" him like that is so hard on her. She is almost 6 and he's been in jail for over 2 years.

P3RvYmCp3rv 2 kids; Carlyle, Illinois 11905 posts
Oct 15th '12
Quoting ** A.J's Mommy**:" I personally went through this last year... My son's father was looking at 5-15 years but somehow the ... [snip!] ... that this case has nothing to do with abuse). Feel free to PM if you would like I'm very open about what we went through."

maybe if the father is already involved. I would never take my kids to go see their dad in jail. He already wants nothing to do with them and it isn't my duty to make sure he gets to see them.

MWifey 3 kids; Longview, Texas 3459 posts
Oct 15th '12

id just keep to myself and if he eventually got out and wanted to pursue a relationship id consider it further

LumpySpacePrincess 2 kids; New Zealand 17060 posts
Oct 15th '12
Quoting ℳary ℐane:" Depends on the crime... "


:!:



If it was a petty crime then yeah I probably would. But 5-life? Life is ... Well it should be life but it's what, 20-30 years now? If he got life, your baby would have to deal with never really having a relationship with his/her dad until he gets out.



Personally, if my SO had done something that warranted life imprisonment, he had to throw any respect he had for me and our children and so, he loses them.