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SO + Me=3 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 201 posts
Sep 19th '12
Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting ... [snip!] ... And as for child support, they would not have him dedicate a certain amount to helping me take care of our kids?"


they would only do this is there is a court order then it will be done as an allotment or if he fails to set that up they will garnish his wages.
but as a later poster stated he will receive pay for the child. He will receive BAH (Basic allowance for housing, at least that is what it was called when I was in) for that child since it is still his dependent.

SO + Me=3 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 201 posts
Sep 19th '12
Quoting ♡Sarah♡ + 2:" He'll only get housing allowance if the kid is with him 51% of the time.But, he can get insurance for his kids."


Well things have changed (not surprisingly). I have been out for 10 years and at that time they didn't have to sign over custody just have arrangements set up in case of deployment. When I was in they did receive BAH for children they supported even if they did not live with them at all. Many received a partial BAH when paying child support.

This mom. 2 kids; Stockton, California 4908 posts
Sep 19th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" They aren't going to book him for child support. He's not signing over his rights...you are not pursuing ... [snip!] ... father in the legal eye...and no child support order is magically going to appear because he makes you their legal guardian."</blockquote>




He said that he wants to agree on a certain amount of "child support" before he leaves. While him making me legal guardian, is that something we could have set up legally as well? And can all this be done in mediation? Or is it something that has to be done in actual court? We would like to just do this without as much interference as possible and for us to be coming to the agreement. (minus the guardianship)



Also, he wants to join for a full career, but if he decides he wants out before a second enlistment, is mediation for joint custody when he is out okay as well?

This mom. 2 kids; Stockton, California 4908 posts
Sep 19th '12

Sorry if im sounding stupid, the recruiters said this is something we have to figure out on our own (I completely understand) and neither or us have anyone we know in the military, and the one friend he DOES have in isn't active, and doesn't have kids so he didn't know crap about it.




This is something he really wants to do, we were going to get married BUT when things flipped in August, we are just trying to figure out the way to do this. But he was told he had to SIGN away his rights, not just agree on my having full custody. There is a huge difference there for us, if not for everyone. He thought even when he's out, he cannot see the babies, and he cannot be apart of their lives.

SO + Me=3 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 201 posts
Sep 19th '12
Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" Sorry if im sounding stupid, the recruiters said this is something we have to figure out on our own (I ... [snip!] ... for us, if not for everyone. He thought even when he's out, he cannot see the babies, and he cannot be apart of their lives."

I still know some people that are still serving in Finance in the army. Let me see if I can get them to give us some concrete info, I know they don't "code" pay like they use to but they should still know the regulations better than I and some others do.

khigh 1 child; Fort Sill, Oklahoma 8101 posts
Sep 19th '12
Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" Sorry if im sounding stupid, the recruiters said this is something we have to figure out on our own (I ... [snip!] ... for us, if not for everyone. He thought even when he's out, he cannot see the babies, and he cannot be apart of their lives."


I know quite a few guys in the military get married for just this. They don't live with their wives and some haven't seen them in years, but they do it for custody reasons, health insurance for their wife, and BAH,

This mom. 2 kids; Stockton, California 4908 posts
Sep 19th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting SO + Me=3:</b>" I still know some people that are still serving in Finance in the army. Let me see if I can get them ... [snip!] ... I know they don't "code" pay like they use to but they should still know the regulations better than I and some others do."</blockquote>




Thank you so much!

This mom. 2 kids; Stockton, California 4908 posts
Sep 19th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting khigh:</b>" I know quite a few guys in the military get married for just this. They don't live with their wives ... [snip!] ... their wives and some haven't seen them in years, but they do it for custody reasons, health insurance for their wife, and BAH,"</blockquote>




Honestly that doesn't appeal to either of us. If I'm not going to be getting married for the right reasons, then I want to be able to date around and hopefully find someone that I can marry without me having to tell that guy I'm dating that I am already married, or know that my legal husband is probably sleeping around because we aren't marrying for the right reasons.

SO + Me=3 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 201 posts
Sep 19th '12
Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting SO + Me=3:</b>" I still know some people that are still serving ... [snip!] ... use to but they should still know the regulations better than I and some others do."</blockquote> Thank you so much!"


Here is the first bit of advice. This is coming from the finance side of the house so it may not give exact regulations and info but it is a start. I will update with more replies as i get them:



I would say "sign away parental rights" was just too vague of advice. I am sure what was meant is that he should get legal(court) documents outlining his parental status as to the legal and physical custody of the child and also establishing paternity if that wasnt done already. Obviously it shouldnt say he has primary physical custody as the military wont allow single parents to join but sepratly it would establish a legal document base for DEERS enrollment, Tricare benifits and would be a piece of the puzzle in starting MilPay entitlments for the childs support.

SO + Me=3 1 child; Dayton, Ohio 201 posts
Sep 19th '12

reply #2 from a different perspective: Although I'm not AD anymore either ******* but speaking from police and child support side she needs to get an order stating how much he is to pay and child support do a wage withholding. That eliminates him being able to stop money flow whenever he wants, eliminates the confusion. I have answered many domestic dispute calls for this and now at child support let us and dfas do the dirty work. All that can be done together with custody hearing but if he gives up parental rights she will NOT get any support from him. Advise her to speak with an attorney asap

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 47032 posts
Sep 19th '12
Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" They aren't going to book him for child ... [snip!] ... career, but if he decides he wants out before a second enlistment, is mediation for joint custody when he is out okay as well?"


It's not even something legally done...
It's just a piece of paper you sign when filling everything out upon joining simply saying that you are the guardian and he understands that. He can still claim his as a dependent. Its not a legal thing... it's not something you go to the courthouse about. I have no idea what you are even talking about. I think that personally, it sounds like this recruiter just doesn't want him to join and was trying to scare him off, maybe.



That or things have changed A LOT.

This mom. 2 kids; Stockton, California 4908 posts
Sep 19th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" It's not even something legally done... It's just a piece of paper you sign when filling everything ... [snip!] ... like this recruiter just doesn't want him to join and was trying to scare him off, maybe. That or things have changed A LOT."</blockquote>




Weird. Because they call him nonstop about if he's made a decision. But from what he told us he said it needs to be done before signing in.

MunchkinWrangler 4 kids; Rīga, Latvia 47032 posts
Sep 19th '12
Quoting V's Mom! [EXPECTING #2!]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" It's not even something legally done... ... [snip!] ... they call him nonstop about if he's made a decision. But from what he told us he said it needs to be done before signing in."

Well I guess all I can tell you is that we did nothing of the sort... and we were not married, nor did he sign over his rights to our son. He was paid as if our son was his dependent, still... and we received the housing allowance. He's in the Guards though, not sure if it makes a difference. They would NEVER ask a parent to sign over their rights as a parent, nor to force them into marriage. It wasn't even suggested to us.

This mom. 2 kids; Stockton, California 4908 posts
Sep 19th '12

<blockquote><b>Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:</b>" Well I guess all I can tell you is that we did nothing of the sort... and we were not married, nor did ... [snip!] ... NEVER ask a parent to sign over their rights as a parent, nor to force them into marriage. It wasn't even suggested to us."</blockquote>




We are makin an appt to speak with a recruiter tomorrow afternoon. Maybe even try today, we just have tons to do today so it will probably be tomorrow.

khigh 1 child; Fort Sill, Oklahoma 8101 posts
Sep 19th '12
Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:" Well I guess all I can tell you is that we did nothing of the sort... and we were not married, nor did ... [snip!] ... NEVER ask a parent to sign over their rights as a parent, nor to force them into marriage. It wasn't even suggested to us."


Guard is a lot different than active duty Army because they are at much lower risk of deployment. They don't want the father to pull the "I'm a single dad. I can't deploy" bullshit when deployment comes up. And, if he has custody of his children, he can do that.